aibu to not breastfeed just beacuse i dont want to?

[lunalovegrooove]

I understand breast is best, but I don't want to do it.
I feel pressure and the implication that I am a bad mother. I think I have the right to choose, and that the medical establishment doesn't expect something this taxing from men in society.

Am I a bad mother?

I chose not to breastfeed my daughter due to PTSD from previous neonatal losses. My husband suggested early on in the pregnancy that I should "at least consider it". I told him absolutely not but if he could find a way to do it himself then I would be supportive. Breastmilk is obviously great stuff but the NHS is rubbish at giving adequate support and, with my previous issues, I needed to safeguard my mental health as far as possible.

Whatever your reasons, if it may affect your mental health, you are right to not breastfeed.

@HouseFullOfChaos

“Do you really want to choose not to do the best thing for your baby before they've even been born?”

yep 🤷‍♀️😀

@Hexadecimal1

newsflash! Women can be selfish sometimes! Gasp, even mothers! It’s allowed. It’s even needed sometimes for their sanity. They do not need to be Martyrs.

@hoven

do they? Formula feeding is fine as we have established.

@hoven

oh dear you clearly no nothing about mental health

bit worrying…

In all my years I've never come across any group as judgemental as the BF group.
Oh if you are about to have a breakdown then we don't MIND if you ff, but other than that ong you are just the worst and we are so superior.
Totally judgemental and up their own hole.
I hope when ye get to about 50 and look back at what ever shit life throws at ye, and it will, ye realise how bloody judgemental and hurtful ye were.
I dont give a shit, I know I am a bloody good mother, but I also know that life throws all sorts at us.
But never in all my years have I met a more judgemental group than the BF warriors.
And the proof is right here.
And don't bother coming at me, it will only solidify my point.
Shameful carryon out of women.

@Hexadecimal1I know the definition of selfish yes.
I never said they weren’t being selfish, I said if they are selfish for the first six months then are generally not selfish for the rest of their lives, they’re not doing too bad.
Selfish was in inverted commas as I was quoting someone else.

@LunaMay

To be fair I had a surgery - which led to combi feeding at 6m, then major bereavement at 9m which dried up milk entirely….

I would rather of had the boob as you can just stick it in, use it as comfort for baby etc.

The bottles, “oh we’ve almost run out of formula” drama, all of that, was just another thing to do and didn’t want any of it.

Though it did mean I was able to have other relatives baby sit which at the time was much needed… though I would rather of been with baby myself and not have had the circumstances leading to needing the help if that makes sense!

Better a little selfishness than being a mummy martyr.

@hoven

no it doesn’t!

happy mum = happy baby 😊

how do you know it’s better for your sanity not to BF if you don’t even try?

again, leaving aside all those situations where women have PTSD / other health / mental health issues - the women who literally just say “I don’t want to” - I don’t get it. You have the option of setting your baby up with the best start in life and you choose… not to.

hoven

“It's not fine.

If you choose to be selfish in the first few months of your precious baby's life you probably won't be a good mum.

Selfishness makes for terrible parents”

Is probably THE most ridiculous thing I have ever read on parenting.

hoven

Oh do bugger off you sanctimonious arsehole. Your posts get more and more offensive.

I bf our kids. My daughter (chose to) exclusively formula feed. Her 3 year old is fabulous, healthy and extremely bright. She started in childcare, went as high as she could in that, studied to become a pre-school teacher and is now completing her child psychology degree. She is the best, most engaged, patient and loving mother I have ever known, a far better parent than I was. She has taught me how to be a good grandparent.

Your username ought to be coven.

I was formula fed from six weeks 😝

Came across my mother’s diary at the time
“thank god that’s over” (bf) and then she booked herself a 1 week holiday abroad and grandparents looked after me between them while she was away.

@Hexadecimal1

i don’t want to. I know me and what would get me down. Sleep deprivation, it being harder to share feeds with my partner, lack of bodily autonomy, even the being restricted to breast feeding friendly clothes would do my head in.

Postpartum is hard enough…why make it harder on yourself?!

Happy mum = happy baby

I ain’t no Martyr

I am really saddened by the guilt tripping responses on this thread. How dare you as an internet stranger judge this mother because she doesn’t want to breastfeed.

Our community of mothers should support each other. There is nothing wrong with posting why you prefer breastfeeding but STOP linking bottle feeding with being a bad mother. Lord knows a mother (especially a new one) has enough on her plate without feeling like a bad parent because an internet stranger told her so.

Why do we as adults forget what we teach our children?! If you having nothing nice to say then don’t say anything.

I’ve a big advantage over many posters as my DC’s are now in their early 20’s so I can see how they have turned out. Both only had formula so I’m being classed as a terrible parent!

DC’s are very healthy - only one hospital admission between them and that was for a broken leg. Neither have allergies or the other problems you are meant to be at risk of if you are formula fed. Both are athletic and no weight issues. Both got all A’s at GCSE’s and A levels and a first in their degrees so their brains don’t appear to be adversely impacted.

No negative affects from the dreadful formula they were fed so 100% happy with the choice we made. Healthy and happy babies = happy parents!

Interesting. And well argued.

i do find it odd though because if you say you’re putting a baby in their own room from day 1, everyone says it’s awful because having them in with you lowers the risk of SIDS. But BF also lowers the risk of SIDS, so why is one ok but the other not?

Not unreasonable in the least.

As long as the baby is loved and fed, that's all that matters.

I didn't breastfeed my son at all.

He is nearly 10 now. Very fit and healthy, never gets ill, eats anything and everything and is very intelligent. No adverse effects at all from not being breastfed.

It really isn't the be all and end all some make it out to be.