aibu to not breastfeed just beacuse i dont want to?

[lunalovegrooove]

I understand breast is best, but I don't want to do it.
I feel pressure and the implication that I am a bad mother. I think I have the right to choose, and that the medical establishment doesn't expect something this taxing from men in society.

Am I a bad mother?

I really don't see any difference between dd and the other kids at kindergarden and I combi fed for 20 months. There might be an advantage but it doesn't look significant to me. Having a newborn is exhausting enough, don't add optional pressure on yourself for something you don't want to do.

It is meant to be the most natural thing in the world to do and the best thing to give your baby. Obviously that is going to cause a little guilt if you don't do it.

Having breast-fed four children over the years, breastfeeding is by far the easiest (and laziest option IMO). I didn't need to fanny around with mixing up formula in bottles when half asleep.

My youngest was a premmie though and when my own supply dipped around day 9/10 I was fine for neonatal staff to feed him formula. I worked on bringing my supply back up for when he was discharged and never looked back. Breast fed him for 22 months. Donated a huge over supply of milk to the Milk Bank.

Even now at year 1, no one can tell who was bf, and the best bit is no one cares!

I swear only parents of children under 3 give a shit about the bf/ff debate.

@ginandtonicwithlimes I have never once felt guilt for not even attempting to try breastfeeding. I have felt frustration toward the people who are trying to tell me I should feel guilt, but have never actually felt guilty myself!

The dictionary definition of selfish is to put yourself ahead of the welfare of others.

if you’re putting your own preference ahead of your baby then that’s factually what it is

@Hexadecimal1 the end goal is the welfare of the baby. A mother's welfare is highly important in order to achieve the end goal of a happy, healthy baby.

Flimflammy
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You chose not to, that’s great. Other people finds it works for them. I wouldn’t not have survived if I didn’t end up cosleeping. That’s how we survived. Again, no one else’s business but the mother and/or father and the child/ren

Precisely my point. There is all kinds of advice about co-sleeping and bf, much of it contradictory. Some people chose to co-sleep against lots of evidence that it’s not wise because it suited them, whilst at the same time criticising people who ff because it suited them

Neither are anyone else’s business, exactly.

What advice would you offer to someone else in your position?

I chose to use formula - no guilt - why would there be when I was doing what I’d planned?

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Cowlover89 · Yesterday 22:03

MrsSkylerWhite · Yesterday 21:33

@Cowlover89 Personally I'd rather pump than faff on with making bottles of formula. It's not that hard once get in to a routine”

It is if you have mastitis and produce bottle after bottle after bottle of blood coloured shite that you have to throw away!
**
I'm sorry that happened to you but everyone's experience is different”

Hurrah, yes, it is! Yet you have criticised others for not doing what suited you on this thread. Just, don’t.

I also don’t know a single person who BFing was actually free for. Every single woman I know who breastfed bought nursing bras, at least a few nursing tanks if not new clothes that made it easier, expensive nipple creams and patches in the early days, breast pads and most still bought bottles, sterilising equipment and some form of pump even if only a let down collecting one.

It wasn’t free but it was way cheaper than formula feeding in more than just cost.

Sterilising equipment you need anyway.

Bought maybe two or three bottles but the rest were given to us (friends and receiving samples)

3 nursing bras but switched to bralettes and soft bras I already own.

Two items of maternity wear, a shirt and jeans that I bought secondhand and donated later, switched to the clothes I already had that were v-necks.

One tube of cheap nipple cream that I used 1/4 of.

Bought a secondhand pump and some storage bags.

Total was probably under £350 spread across two pregnancies.

Add in less stuff to carry around simply to go out, no making or washing bottles, no getting up and leaving the bedroom to go warm a bottle, no need to buy formula which is expensive on its own and just being able to take out a breast and nurse on demand made it much cheaper for me.

OP do what you feel best. If you don’t want to nurse, don’t. It really is your choice/decision and no one should make you feel guilty for it.

To be honest after two failed attempts I am going straight to formula if I had another. I think it is more if you hoped to bf and it doesn't work out. The amount of guilt tripping you would get from the NHS. Jeeze. I don't feel much guilt now though. My daughter would be far healthier than those I knew who were BF.

Hexadecimal1

So you never ever put your welfare above your child? Have you not heard of the oxygen mask analogy. One that has been repeated to me several times by professionals over the years.

“if you run out of oxygen yourself, you can't help anyone else with their oxygen mask. Or put more simply: if you die, you can't help anyone else. This is an important metaphor for those who spend a great deal of their time taking care of others (mothers, fathers, care-givers, doctors, nurses, teachers).”

You’re sat on a phone as I speak. That

is not in your child’s best interest. How long do you think you can keep up continuously feeding your child 10 organic veg a day with zero processed anything alongside making sure they have no screen time and the correct amount of exercise? Presume you’re doing all that. You cook completely from scratch and do nothing to impact the planet they are inheriting???…..

Apologies, FlimFlammy.

I agree with your sentiment, but then why did you question me about my still feeding a three year old? You don’t need to know why, yet you still felt you had to ask and drop in the comment that ‘they don’t need it after one’ (🙄). By even asking me and stating that you’ve shown you have a little of your own judgement. And I know people say ‘curiosity’ but it takes 30 seconds to google breastfeeding a toddler and read the top link for “

I wasn't questioning or criticising at all. The expert advice I was given (29 and 20 years ago) was that bf was of no benefit after one, when a child should be weaned and eating a balanced diet as their primary source of nutrition.

The advice has obviously changed since then. I was unaware of that and was genuinely asking you why?

But women's time SHOULD be worth something (breast or bottle feeding), that's the point. Also, I ate LOADS while I was breastfeeding, so it may be cheaper, but it isn't free.

Not a jot of guilt should ever be felt over it.
Not one jot.

This ^

Making the choice to feed your baby nothing but UPF for the first 6 months of your baby's life is something I can't get my head around at all. Breastfeeding is best for baby. If you can't do it we're very lucky to have the formula to fall back on but to choose not to do it is madness. Do you really want to choose not to do the best thing for your baby before they've even been born?

My child is napping right now so the phone point is irrelevant

everyone who is saying that they had to FF for mental health / physical reasons - quite clearly that isn’t selfish because you had actual reasons to do so

but those saying “I know it’s in my baby’s best interests to breastfeed but I don’t even want to try” - well yeah, that’s selfish as you’re putting your own desires ahead of your baby’s needs. Which is fine, if you’re ok with that, but don’t say it isn’t selfish when that’s literally the dictionary definition

*heart

The BMJ have already stated that the have great concern about grouping first infant formula under the umbrella term of UPF.
’Ultra processed food’ (UPF) is a manufacturing term used to describe the way in which a foodstuff is produced but does not reflect the nutritional quality. Products such as whole grain bread and whole grain cereals are grouped alongside chocolate bars and crisps, despite having significantly different nutritional composition. Baby formula may be classed as a UPF but it doesn’t mean it’s nutritional bad or unhealthy.

Don't be an arse.