aibu to not breastfeed just beacuse i dont want to?

[lunalovegrooove]

I understand breast is best, but I don't want to do it.
I feel pressure and the implication that I am a bad mother. I think I have the right to choose, and that the medical establishment doesn't expect something this taxing from men in society.

Am I a bad mother?

To be honest, the people I know who managed to successfully exclusively breastfeed (beyond 6 weeks) all paid huge amounts for breastfeeding consultants / private tongue tie specialists etc.

On balance I probably spent a bit more on formula (but not much compared to some of the amounts I heard), but I spread that cost throughout a year vs a big outlay at the start.

Obviously for some breastfeeding just works (and that's great!), but it's not the case for everyone and I don't think anyone should feel guilty about how they feed. Fed is best.

@Cowlover89 as much as I admire your confidence, your views are coming across as belittling and that you are a super parent in comparison to everyone else.

It's amazing you have a supportive partner and a baby that slept through so quick. Not everyone has the same luxury.

Please HEAR these other women. It doesn't matter how they choose to feed or allow their baby to sleep. You do what you have to do to survive and what works in the sleep deprived/stressful/endless situation.

We are all surviving from newborn to when they leave home. We need to care for one another, not make comments on how perfect it is for us - because not everyone has that joy and ease.

We are tired, we are confused, we are doing what works for us. Parenting is not a 'one size fits all' and it never will be.

Being a parent is a blessing, and it's also incredibly challenging and I think we can all appreciate that.

So let's all take a step back and give each other a shake. We all care for our babies how we see fit and as long as they're happy (as they can be) then who cares?

@Housesellingnightmare you're an amazing friend and mum and that's worth so much.

We all do parenting differently. I never wanted to share my bed out of cot-death fears and the fact it was the only space I could call my own - but I'd never make anyone feel like shit for choosing differently.

Thriving kids and relaxed Mums - AMAAAZING.

Good for you, your support in choices is so valuable and it always will be.

If you don't want to then don't and don't be guilt tripped. Not wanting to is a perfectly valid reason. Happy mum happy baby.

I'm sure she's the poster who put her baby in its own room at 11 weeks so obviously happy to do things that aren't advised when it suits

Well its not my intention to. I know I'm not a super parent. My journey was far from easy in the beginning.

So fucking what. I went with my instincts. We all do things differently. No need to judge. You don't have to do it by the book.

@Cowlover89 Well I can only hope that throughout your journey you've had and continue to get the support you need.

We're all human after all.

Take care of yourself x

I never paid for any of that and my sons tongue tie was free by the NHS.

You judge people for ff, I judge you for putting an 11 week old in their own room 🤷‍♀️

I've had the best support and will get the same support when my daughter is here. Thank you. You too x

No I don't. I say each to their own. Do what's best for you and baba.

Good for you but I know mamas who put babas in their own room from day 1. I don't and wouldn't judge them either.

Haven't rtft

I didn't breastfeed my 1st as I didn't want to.
I did my second for 4 weeks
And third 4 months.

They're all okay.

Do what is right for you at the time.
Don't listen to the militant breastfeeders ( they definitely exist, my first HV was one)

Baby fed and happy mum is the main thing.

And if you must know I used some formula in the beginning as my son had tongue tie. So hardly judging. Do you really think if someone was going to judge would use it. I stopped once tongue tie was sorted. Obviously still breastfed. V painful. But this time will be 100% breastmilk as that's my choice.

Have you pumped before? Cos this is such a ridiculous statement that I can't quite believe that you have any experience of doing it if you think it'll be 'no faff'.

How do you know your second won't have the same issue?

Interesting recent research…

just goes to show, recommendations change over time. Not that this research establishes causation….but there’s a possibility…

https://www.cghjournal.org/article/S1542-3565(23)00673-0/fulltext#:~:text=adulthood%2C%20remains%20unclear.-,Findings,onset%20colorectal%20cancer%20and%20adenomas.

Don’t give it a moment’s thought OP, there’s a good proportion of kids at school who weren’t BF - they don’t appear to be any more healthy than ff - catch the same bugs and colds.

I don't know how much time she thinks she is going to have with another child to run around after.

@Coffeerum
So how were you feeding him and “putting him back in his cot” or keeping him with you to co sleep and getting your post BFing sleepy feeling if he wasn’t waking and therefore feeding at night?

I think you have described how much of a blur (and how unpredictable) those first few months are for so many of us! A baby can suddenly change. I personally remember trying everything - but then 10 years later my memories of it all are flash backs of different things.

As long as we survive that first year that is all that matters!

I didn't realise a mother knows better than medical advice. Wait...no they don't. You do realise the sound of your breathing helps your baby to remember to breath?

OP your body, your choice. You don't have to do it. Ignore the guilty tripping you will get from the NHS etc.

🙄 you don't always have to listen to it. I did my best and went with it. My son is well looked after and is a very happy content little man. I don't need to listen to strangers on the Internet...

Absolutely.

I'm expecting DC2 at the moment and exclusively pumped and breastfed DD1. There is absolutely no way I'm doing that this time around as I won't have the time, nor the patience or mental capacity to be honest.

Yes I have. And it wasn't for me 😊

Okay so @Cowlover89 might have ruffled a few feathers, that's clear.

But she's a human and a Mum at the end of the day.

I'm not advocating for 'Mum-Shaming' and any 'ideals' people have that may seem far reaching - but we're all surviving.

I know I called her out, because I felt I should - but I did so in a way that was fair.

Everyone has to survive and support each other. If we can educate others on how our tone can make a difference in how supportive we claim to be, that's enough.

We can all disagree on things - that's fine. But shaming others because they shame us isn't going to change the culture of mothers in general.

We will all do things our own way, end of. It's how we voice them that matters.