aibu to not breastfeed just beacuse i dont want to?

[lunalovegrooove]

I understand breast is best, but I don't want to do it.
I feel pressure and the implication that I am a bad mother. I think I have the right to choose, and that the medical establishment doesn't expect something this taxing from men in society.

Am I a bad mother?

There is also the option of using donated breast milk if you don't want to BF. That way the baby still gets the benefits.

I'm 40yrs old, was formula fed, no diabetes, not obese, no health problems whatsoever

Vinrouge4 · Today 19:49

CatLoaf · Today 19:46

Oh what ace support you are 🙄

Actually it is factual and informative. It’s called ‘formula’ for a reason.

Yes, it’s a formulation based on a baby’s nutritional needs. I’m knocking 60 and was ff (I’m fit as a fiddle). It was pushed heavily then because certainly amongst the working classes women’s diets were far from satisfactory. I sadly suspect that that’s the case now, too.

my 64 year old husband and his two brothers were bf. As I mentioned in an earlier post, they’re sadly pretty much falling apart physically.

Our 3 year old grandson was exclusively formula fed. Strong, healthy, tall for his age and far exceeding every educational marker.

I bf his mum and her brother. Both asthmatic with severe hayfever 🤷‍♀️

@CatLoaf I love formula, thank fuck I'm not breastfeeding anymore - gave up after about 2 months this time round. I'm much happier and we're all sleeping better.

Fantastic. 2 months is 2 months more than none at all. You gave your baby the best start you could. That's what we should do as parents surely. And you did

@Cowlover89 Personally I'd rather pump than faff on with making bottles of formula. It's not that hard once get in to a routine”

It is if you have mastitis and produce bottle after bottle after bottle of blood coloured shite that you have to throw away!

@Cowlover89 wont you still have the "faff" of bottles if you are pumping?

6 months is fantastic. No one suggests breastfeeding means breastfeeding until the child is a teen. Just a few months. 6 months....4 months.... even 2 months. Sheesh. Isn't this the least we can do for the most precious gift we could ever have?

@lunalovegrooove people are saying it's a faff to FF especially for night feeds having to boil the kettle, wait for it to cool down etc... get a perfect prep machine and put the scoop of formula in the bottle(s) ready then all you have to do is press the button and 30secs later the bottle is ready for baby. Get enough bottles to last the day, then sterilise them all at once before bed so they are ready for the next day. Get a flask and fill with cooled boiled water to take out with you ready for making up bottles (get a second flask for boiling water or most coffee shops will give you it) you can buy flasks that cool the formula to the correct temperature but I didn't bother so I can't recall what they are called or find a link

Can't you see the difference between what you are describing and a woman who hasn't even had the child saying 'yeeeaahhh naaaahh. I just don't want to'.

Not if someone doesn't want to.

I just don't see how it would be beneficial (other than the milk, of course) for the baby to have a miserable, uncomfortable mum who is forcing herself to breastfeed for a second more than she wants to.

Probably a great way to develop pnd which again, isn't beneficial to the baby either.

Cowlover89 · Today 21:22

MrsSkylerWhite · Today 21:20

Cowlover89 · Today 16:18
**
You can still share the feeds with breastfeeding. Which I plan to do.

So you’ve not had a baby yet? Really hope it works out well for you, as you hope. Please don’t beat yourself up though if it doesn’t. Which is very common.

Managed with my son

Water off a duck’s back with our daughter (first). Very different story with our son. Bloody nightmare.

@Cowlover89 Only works with dogs apparently (and other humans). There’s some really interesting science behind it - dogs have kind of hacked into the human bonding emotional feedback loop in order to form relationships with us. (But cats haven’t, because cats don’t give a crap whether they have a relationship with us or not - and I say this as the human servant of two adored cats!)

I can't.

Maybe someone would prefer to avoid risking that and just wants to enjoy feeding their baby without risking feeling miserable and dreading feeds.

I never got a sleepy relaxed feeling from breastfeeding.
Not even close.
Your experience isn’t universal.

@Robinni - I haven't heard many people talking about this - so thanks for sharing. Yes it was awful!! We had to go to A&E several times as she couldn't get her stools out on her own. Horrible!! Like you said poor baby. Sadly because I had the infection and had to treat it breast milk was off limits for a period of time which caused it to dry up. She then became what the nurses called a "hungry baby" and formula made her less hungry (so formula was useful in that sense) but the pain she was in...

@x2boys I am glad your babies were not constipated. It's great that they could digest formula. Mine clearly struggled and I am sharing this because that is my experience. Thank you for sharing yours.

Do you really think that mothers who don't breast feed don't bond with their babies ,I mean really ???

@x2boys did you read my post or did you just choose to reinterpret it? please tell me when I said the above? As you can see I combi fed - also had PND so we can talk about bonding on another post.

Oh god. So patronising. Someone turn it off.

I think we can all say that we will all have a differing opinion.

I cannot say I didn't feel guilt at being able to breastfeed in those first few days, when the woman in the bed next me was desperately trying to and not succeeding. I wanted to hug her and tell her it was all okay.

There is a pressure from midwives, healthcare assistants, family that 'breast is best' - my own family made comment on my decision.

I found breast feeding and pumping, exhausting, draining and I got the joy of mastitis by doing the 'right' thing. But I also had a partner and family who wanted to hold my babies and feed them and childbirth was exhausting enough.. so I chose formula.

I could have breastfed, I know that - but I found formula easier - some people find pumping easier.. it's a personal choice.

I watched my friend and her baby struggle for months because she felt family pressure to breastfeed. She eventually chose a bottle and it was life-changing for her and baby.

Ultimately it's a personal choice. Happy Mum and Happy Baby is what matters - end of. No adult or child over 2 for that matter, is quizzed on whether they were breast or bottle fed.

Stop shaming people for making choices that suit them.

If you want to and can breastfeed, good for you, go Mama! If you want to formula feed, good for you, go Mama!

Any woman that tries to make another woman feel guilty for how they choose to feed their baby needs to look at themselves in a mirror.

In the same tone - does it matter if a baby obliterates your vagina or takes the 'easy' (far from it) way out via the sunroof.

The fact OP felt the need to ask, makes me incredibly sad.

Remember how you felt post birth, remember how hard is was to grow that baby, remember that what YOU decide as a mother is your choice and yours alone.

Stop judging, start supporting. End of.

This thread is so fucking depressing.

I bf our two because that was my choice. I had friends who chose not to or were unable to. They were made miserable by other judgemental women. This was nearly 30 years ago and I would have hoped that this kind of crap, women beating up on other women, was a thing of the past.

If you enjoy bf, bloody fantastic for you. But ffs, keep your opinions about the choices of other women to yourselves. It’s none of your damned business.

In the same tone - does it matter if a baby obliterates your vagina or takes the 'easy' (far from it) way out via the sunroof.

Ive never understood this. Having a c-section sounds really serious, I don’t get how people are critical of it? But then I’ve also had people be critical of taking all the drugs, but give me an epidural any day of the week.

People are so weird about having children. How you get pregnant, when, what you eat, how you give birth, how you feed, when you wean, how you raise them. It’s insane. I couldn’t give a duck about anybody else’s birthing situation or their kids providing everyone is safe and happy, who gives a shit? It’s so odd.

Well some don't. Some do. I drifted back to sleep so easily.

I agree with your sentiment, but then why did you question me about my still feeding a three year old? You don’t need to know why, yet you still felt you had to ask and drop in the comment that ‘they don’t need it after one’ (🙄). By even asking me and stating that you’ve shown you have a little of your own judgement. And I know people say ‘curiosity’ but it takes 30 seconds to google breastfeeding a toddler and read the top link for LLL.