aibu to not breastfeed just beacuse i dont want to?

[lunalovegrooove]

I understand breast is best, but I don't want to do it.
I feel pressure and the implication that I am a bad mother. I think I have the right to choose, and that the medical establishment doesn't expect something this taxing from men in society.

Am I a bad mother?

@Housesellingnightmare Oh okay, maybe I missed the particular comment you’re referring to?

FWIW I’ve been horrified by some of the judgement and shaming of FF on this thread - I just can’t see how the “it’s a faff” comments are anywhere near as bad as the “why wouldn’t you want to do your best for your baby” type comments…

Did you know how they feed doesn't indicate how well they sleep. Every baby is different. Mine loved sleep. I say its genetic. I'm a good sleeper. My pump was a cheap. Not all are expensive. Funny 🙄 but no but he can take the load and I can nap. Loads of breastfed babies sleep through the night. I've read a lot of formula fed babies not sleeping through 🤷‍♀️ again it's down to the baby

Up to you.

I couldn’t bf my first. I had been so utterly convinced I would bf or I would be a rubbish mum. Then when I couldn’t, I ended up on anti depressants. I pumped for 6 solid months and nearly killed myself in the process.

when my second came along, he was fed expressed milk for the first couple days then I felt myself going again and luckily my husband suggested ff and went and sorted everything.

do what you want. No matter what, people will criticise you as a mum unfortunately , on every parenting decision.

Oh and I found breastfeeding to be very relaxing. It made me sleepy and as did the baby. Breast milk has a sleep hormone in it.

Re: breastfeeding being relaxing - it releases oxytocin which is a happy hormone so I guess that could be said to be relaxing. But you could exchange a loving glance with a dog and get the same effect 🤷‍♀️

You are stating your opinion that breastfeeding is convenient. Many people don’t find it so.

BF certainly has advantages but those are only visible on a population level, ie they are small. They also have to balanced against the mental health of the mother. Facts are not factual if they aren’t presented in a balanced way.

As for unpleasant- yes you certainly are - anyone who says they find it bizarre that mothers might chose to feed babies formula, can be nothing else, given none of us are living under rocks and we all know how hard early motherhood is.

The smiley face isn’t funny BTW, it is nasty - not to me, but to the women who are feeling vulnerable and reading this thread.

I found pumping a PITA too, to be honest. Milk needing bagged and frozen, thawed and warmed, more bottle washing, the time it took to get a decent feed blah blah blah.
I think ideally I'd have liked my boobs to zip on and off so that DH could take a turn. Everything else is a pest 🤣

FudgeSundae · Today 16:18

LylaLee · Today 15:07

Good for you that you're rich, but 2/3 months maternity leave is not something to boast about or to promote as an ideal.
Show quote history
**
We are in no way rich. My whole point was that we couldn’t afford for me to take longer. Don’t be ridiculous. It certainly is not a boast, more to remind people that not everyone has a genuine choice

Just ignore, @FudgeSundae. I thought that was a particularly shitty reply from either a disingenuous or actually stupid poster.

FlimFlammy
**
My son is still bf at 3.

Why? (Genuine question. I bf our two but they just didn’t need it past one.)

Relaxing is not a word I would use to describe BF.
Exhausting. Depressing. Isolating. Draining.
Those are just a few I would use.
I still remember the nights I sat crying my eyes out in the middle of the night with my darling baby on my boob. Stopping feeding changed everything. I had fed her every 2 hours 7 days a week for 3 months.
I never ever would put myself through that again.
So anyone saying Ff is not doing their best by baby can fuck right off.
Ignorant. Just fucking ignorant.

BurbageBrook · Today 16:48
**
Your baby will be the most precious thing you love more than anything else in the world.

Oh please, just stop. Some women don’t want to. End of. I bf our two but completely get that it’s not for everyone because, spoiler alert, everyone is different. Just stop with the bloody judgement of people whose lives you know nothing of.

I didn't BF and I've never wanted to. I didn't give my DC colostrum either and she's a thriving 20month old now. I told my midwife at the start that DC would be formula fed and she made sure it was on all my notes. She did tell me to note on on my birth plan for the hospital so that once DC was born they didn't try to get me to BF. Do what's best for you, as PP have said.... fed is best

Or be like elasta girl and have them really stretchy. Baby crying in the back of the car? Throw a boob back there. Kid woken in the night whilst you’re downstairs watching telly? Stretch a boob up there.

I also think mothers should grow and extra set of arms and gain the ability to not need any sleep for the first five years of their child’s life.

Cowlover89 · Today 16:18
**
You can still share the feeds with breastfeeding. Which I plan to do.

So you’ve not had a baby yet? Really hope it works out well for you, as you hope. Please don’t beat yourself up though if it doesn’t. Which is very common.

There are lots of health benefits for still feeding a toddler. It is recommended by NHS/AAP/WHO that you feed for two years and beyond. And it works for us.

I won't and I know what to expect. This is my second.

Breastfeeding is very difficult for most women actually - which is why most women are formula feeding by 6 months in all developed nations. OP your mental health really suffers during the early postpartum months - do what gets you through. A good connection with your baby is so much more important in the longrun. There is nothing wrong with formula. Millions of healthy, happy babies are raised on it for the first year. Don't feel guilty for doing the right thing for you, because the right thing for you when it comes to feeding is the right thing for your baby. Breastfeeding when you find it hard or you dont want to can really contribute to postnatel depression. Try breastfeeding if you want to, dont if you dont. Just please dont feel guilty.

Managed with my son.

As much as I love my cats. I never get the sleepy relaxing feeling by glancing with them 🤷‍♀️

YES! To all of this! 👏😁

I find it funny that people who have FF are saying things like they wanted other people to be able to help, they wanted to share the night feeds, they wanted to protect happiness of mother with knock on of keeping baby happy etc etc, and are being slammed for not being "good mothers" and not having good enough reasons to choose FF but people who chose to BF can simply say "I didn't want the faff of bottles so chose to BF" and everyone agrees 😂

my SIL had to use a nipple shield to get a latch and honestly the faff of that to me looked like hardship but she didn't mind, and when she saw me prepping formula she thought that was a big effort which I didn't think at all... It's all subjective and individual to each person. Once a routine is established with any form of feeding (breast, formula, combi, pumping, premade, whatever), it becomes easier.

I think the worst thing anyone can do when trying to decide is ask people their opinions. Loads will have horror stories of every form and loads will have the most positive stories of every form... Every baby is different so there is no guarantee that the positive or the horror stories will happen to you. Just inform yourself, make a decision that will work for your family and ask everyone else to shut their traps with their opinions! That's what I did! 😅