aibu to not breastfeed just beacuse i dont want to?

[lunalovegrooove]

I understand breast is best, but I don't want to do it.
I feel pressure and the implication that I am a bad mother. I think I have the right to choose, and that the medical establishment doesn't expect something this taxing from men in society.

Am I a bad mother?

I had to leave a parenting group on FB once after a mum said she would never actually say it to their faces but she couldn’t help feeling terribly sorry for all those babies whose mothers just didn’t do their best by breastfeeding and having a natural birth (whatever that means).

I was absolutely gobsmacked that a) anyone thought it was okay to say this and b) when I called her out on it everyone took her side.

I had 2 of them when my DS was tiny, one upstairs in the bedroom and one downstairs in the kitchen. 😂

Also WHO also says you should ideally exclusively breastfeed 6 months then breastfeeding until at least 2 years and beyond alongside solids.

So they actually want you to breastfeeding at least 2 years ideally, not just 6 months.

It’s only advice. Even a few weeks is beneficial.

I never understand women who get so bent out of shape over the choices of other women. It’s embarrassing really

I never felt that strongly about bfing. In the end I did it due to the pressure around it if I’m totally honest, not because it was something I actually wanted.
Started combi feeding at 3 months and did 1 bottle a day and honestly the formula feed was the easiest bit about the entire feeding experience.

No idea what people are talking about when they go on about the “faff” if bottles or formula. Even more bizarre when women who express breastmilk claim the odd formula bottle is so much more faff.

Have to say I totally understand those that can't breastfeed for medical reasons and so on but I do find it odd when it's just a wont for no other reason that you just don't feel like it. Even combi or pumping. The benefits of breast milk couldn't be more documented

@Cowlover89 Personally I'd rather pump than faff on with making bottles of formula. It's not that hard once get in to a routine.

I mean nothing is that hard once you get into a routine but there are objectively way more steps to pumping and feeding breastmilk via a bottle than formula in a bottle so I can’t imagine in what world it is actually less faff.

I don’t care what anyone chooses but the faff with making bottles just doesn’t quite stack up.

@Coffeerum I guess I just find it bizarre that mothers will choose to feed their babies milk that comes from another mammal, when her own is best for her baby, it’s FOR her baby, it’s free and it’s convenient 🤷‍♀️ It really is as simple as that. Not embarrassing at all.

I’d suggest starting to own your choices. Lots of people will have lots of opinions on how you parent. They won’t all love what you do. Ah well.

FWIW- I think it’s daft to rule out breastfeeding esp before you’ve actually had the baby. Despite the horror stories, for lots of women it’s easy, simple cheap and enjoyable and it’s good for babies.

I also know and understand that it isn’t easy for all women and think it’s daft to persevere for weeks if it’s not working for whatever reason.

But it’s up to you.

Breastfeeding = boob -> mouth
Formula - wash bottle, sterilise bottle, boil water, measure powder, cool milk, not to mention having to buy the stuff at circa £15 a tub 😱
There's your faff right there. Not so fun when cluster feeding, I imagine.
BF was definitely much easier for me, I was lucky in that my supply was good and baby latched on easily. It was the round the clock relentlessness that broke me.

So what exactly are the benefits then? In a developed country like the UK I believe they are pretty marginal.
I mean, there's no reason not to if it's what you want, but I think those who think they are imparting some massive advantage to their children are deluded.

Apart from all the documented benefits of breastfeeding I found my postpartum weight just fell off. I was the slimmest I had ever been while breastfeeding.

For lots of people breastfeeding is easy. But for lots of mums it is also bloody hard work.

I breastfed my oldest for 3 years, currently breastfeeding a newborn.

It is bloody hard work. I enjoy the cuddles, but quite frankly formula feeding by would be much easier - and I cannot fault anyone who decides that is what they would prefer to do.

You need to be happy with the feeding choices you make. Whatever they may be. They need to work for you and your baby (but especially you, as it is your body in the end).

It isn't always free though, especially since so many seem to struggle and the NHS isn't always great with support so it isn't unusual for those wanting to breastfeed to pay to see a lactation consultant.

I also went back to work when DS was 3 months which would've been more difficult if I was breastfeeding, maybe impossible as some babies completely refuse bottles and not all women can express so possible loss of earnings too.

I find formula feeding to be incredibly convenient and I also have no issues with feeding my baby milk that comes from another mammal.

Do not let them bully you!
Breastfed DD, after a month we were both miserable and she was massively underweight, a friend seeing me at breaking point told me to ignore the (very very) pushy health visitor and bought me a tub of formula.
DH feed her for the first time (he was over the moon) DD slept for the first time ever for a full 4 hours and put a kilo on in a week.
So no, breast is not always best and you shouldn't be made to feel guilty for not doing it. If you don't want to breastfeed don't do it, a happy mum makes a happy baby.

So you didn’t introduce any dairy or meat once baby started weaning? Otherwise your pov doesn’t have much logic behind it.

I also don’t know a single person who BFing was actually free for. Every single woman I know who breastfed bought nursing bras, at least a few nursing tanks if not new clothes that made it easier, expensive nipple creams and patches in the early days, breast pads and most still bought bottles, sterilising equipment and some form of pump even if only a let down collecting one.

Its not hard, it's just a faff.
My boob never needed washed and sterilised and boiled and cooled and planned out in any way whatsoever. Always good to go.
I have a dishwasher. I could have lived without the additional things to wash by hand tbh.

The WHO is giving advice for the whole world.

That includes countries with insanitary water, food supply (including formula) issues and few of the population wealthy enough to buy enough good quality formula.

Not to say that BF doesn’t have benefits anywhere, but it matters much more when your other options are limited

When you formula feed, everything is already washed and sterilised. I also used a perfect prep machine which made it even more easier.

DS never cluster fed. He was every 3 hours during the day and no night feeds after 8 weeks.

It did for me too!