aibu to not breastfeed just beacuse i dont want to?

[lunalovegrooove]

I understand breast is best, but I don't want to do it.
I feel pressure and the implication that I am a bad mother. I think I have the right to choose, and that the medical establishment doesn't expect something this taxing from men in society.

Am I a bad mother?

What phrase?

Accepting that there are medical reasons why people can't?..you have an issue with that?

Bizarre.

@WalkingOnSunshineYeahhhh

well you have no choice in giving birth or not ( although we can decide now whether we want a vag or c- section birth - yay!) but breastfeeding IS a choice - and who would want to put themselves through what that poster describes - sleep deprived and eating shit?!

No thanks. Baby can have formula

@Housesellingnightmare

?? recounting being judged no matter whether bf or ff, what’s wrong now??

My experience was having people respond negatively or totally ignore me when bf - to the point where I hit in loos to feed.

When bottle fed even had the experience of a bf mother sitting near me saying - very loudly - about the benefits of bf and she’d never bottle feed.

And in the swimming classes - at the expensive one bf was seen as some sort of middle to upper class badge of honour, the way they treated the bottle feeder was despicable. Whereas at the council run pool people looked at me as if I had gone absolutely mad for bf… which is why I chose not to pay for the baby swim class there.

You can’t win.

What the actual fuck?!

You are being rude to multiple groups of people here. Your post is full of stereotypical tropes and judgemental bollocks. You need to look at your issues.

Honestly what is wrong with people on this thread? I’ve never met people in life who actually believe half the crap spouted here. I’ve certainly never met anyone who would ignore a woman because she was bottle feeding, and I suspect you didn’t either.

Well yes. Feeding it is a bonus, via bottle or breast.

I don't think it's about people feeling nice or not nice. It's far more unreasonable to decide part of human reproduction doesn't feel nice so we'll skip it.

No. We all have a duty to treat each other well as far as possible. Freedom is not the same as selfishness.

What a crock of shit. And, actually so what if it is? Sometimes Mums ARE allowed to put their own well-being first.

@Flimflammy I’d give you the location of the class if it wasn’t outing.

All and I mean all the mothers talked about in the changing room was boobs, milk, how many feeds/nappies, how they were practically like a cow. Etc for 8wks

Except for local mums and tots, which were of course bf friendly. And the local baby jogging group.

I made an effort after the first few wks whenever the bottle feeding Mum was visibly uncomfortable. But then I was a bit uncomfortable too, it was very full on.

I went to about 8 different classes/groups, this was the only time I ever saw anything so extreme. But it did happen, very weird!!

Dear OP, ultimately its your choice and you shouldn't feel guilty about the decision you make.

from a medical point of view, breast milk is the best choice for baby. your body responds to the baby's needs and provides personalised nutrition for baby. it also transfers immunity from mum to baby which protects baby from infections and also helps them develop a healthy immune system. the psychological effects are also not to be underestimated. no formula can replicate these characteristics.

however the baby also needs a happy mum who isn't stressed. so do what you feel to be right. ultimately, he/ she will be fine. to answer your question with nhs v who. nhs also recommends bf but is aware that with working mums in this country it can be difficult so it gives options. the other reason the WHO is very strong in its anti formula msg is because of lack of access to clean water in many parts of the world. many infants die of diarrhoea due to being formula fed with unsanitary water/ dirty bottles.

@LastNightIDreamtIWasAtManderleyAgain

women CAN skip breastfeeding though if they want…

because…you know … bodily autonomy is a thing

I disagree. Most ff babies sleep through much sooner than most bf babies. There aren't many ff mums still waking every 2 hours to feed a baby of 18 or 24 months but it's common for bf babies.
Plus ebf mums are basically tied to their baby 24 7 for a good few months, unless they can or want to pump.
And the sterilising and making bottles might be a bit more faff but the total time spent will be much less
If you have a baby and a toddler at-home and no help from family it's hard on the older child too when you are sitting breastfeeding for hours each day, which can be for 6 months or more.
For some parents and babies bf may be easier but I really don't think it is for most, you need to be very strongly motivated to carry it through (and even then lots of people don't manage).

I think the downsides of sleep deprivation , mental health problems and relationship problems probably outweigh the marginal health benefits for many families.

Then I hope expressing works well for you and baby will take a bottle.

Your body, your choice.
I went headfirst into ‘breast is best‘ and was adamant, absolutely adamant that my baby would have no formula. To put it bluntly, I wound up hallucinating from sleep deprivation, developed severe PND and wound up in a psych ward after 12 weeks of hell.
My baby got 12 weeks of breast milk and the day he switched to formula he slept for longer than 45 minutes for the first time.
He’s now 12, healthy and hardy. In fact, he’s been to the GP just twice in his life.
Trust me, as time passes nobody cares who BF and who didn’t.

This. Very well said.

The guilt trippers pull down FF/mothers that FF because they need to reassure themselves that it was all worth it.

it probably wasn’t, from a health benefits point of view.

So why are you tearing down bf mums? Saying it wasn’t worth it?

Why can’t we all just accept that others do knit differently and leave people alone? Not your business.

I’m tearing down the BF weirdos who think it’s ok to insinuate that someone who FF is somehow a lesser parent. they can absolutely fuck off with that noise.

“BF weirdos”. That’s hilarious, given that it’s literally the most natural thing in the world to do.

yeah Breastfeeding is. Being an utter cunt about it is not.

It was dreadful, and cast such a shadow over the first month's of DS life.
First baby was easy ozy, not a care in the world, took milk any way he could get it, no bother at all.
Last baby was just a boobs man through and through. Attempts to get him onto formula were met with utter fury. Wish I hadn't started to be honest.

Do you feel that way about all modern innovations such as pain relief, IVF, midwife care, condoms? If you're a member of the Amish I respect your viewpoint but otherwise you're hypocritical

It is the best choice for the baby. I think it is a selfish choice to not at least try and breastfeed. Yes you have a choice, it's a valid choice but it's not the best for baby.

Pouches of premade baby food and jumparoo bouncers are also really not great for babies but people use them too so not everyone makes decisions that are ideal.