aibu to not breastfeed just beacuse i dont want to?

[lunalovegrooove]

I understand breast is best, but I don't want to do it.
I feel pressure and the implication that I am a bad mother. I think I have the right to choose, and that the medical establishment doesn't expect something this taxing from men in society.

Am I a bad mother?

I think there can be a certain martyrdom (note the word can) attached to breastfeeding, as is evidenced on this thread.
I don't agree with the notion that as soon as a woman becomes a mother her needs become secondary to the baby's and anyone thinking of their own wellbeing is judged.
You just have to look on the sleeping section to see this - mums who are desperate for sleep are told to 'enjoy the milky cuddles' that breastfeeding gives and any notion that bottle feeding might lead to better sleeping is brushed aside because you are giving your baby the best start, regardless of the effect it has on you.
In the round, I can't see how a sleep-deprived, depressed and desperate mum is any use to her baby, regardless of how 'well fed' they are. let alone any other children they might have.
If it works for you, good for you but I fail to see the drive some women have to push their opinions down other mothers' throats alongside spurious statistics and reports which prove nothing one way or another really.

@hotcandle I BF one DS for nine months and the other for nine weeks. Once you get past a couple of months you don't particularly have much engorgement ime. When I stopped after nine weeks I did it over a few days, not many days at all, and had no problems. I stopped with second DS as it just did not seem to agree with him gastriclly. Once you've established a routine though you don't get engorged and you will probably not bother changing to FF because then that will be a faff because at that point (if you get that far because it can be difficult) it's easier to carry on because you've got the hang of it iyswim. Do whatever feels best for you at the end of the day.

'I don't want to breastfeed' seems reason enough to me 🤔 Guaranteeing that this would make a poor parent seems pretty bold...

I love formula, thank fuck I'm not breastfeeding anymore - gave up after about 2 months this time round. I'm much happier and we're all sleeping better.

My partner doesn't work atm. And happy to help out 😊 I love pumping. @bbathrobeandpie

Not always true. My son is breastfed and eats literally EVERYTHING. Is definitely not a fussy eater. Is a bottomless pit

@WillowCraft FF is easier in the first month or so, but once the cluster feeding phase passes, and feeding is established, BF is much easier.

Your baby will be the most precious thing you love more than anything else in the world.

I don't know why you wouldn't even TRY giving them what is scientifically proven to be better for them, rather than the highly artificially modified UPF that is formula. If you can't do it or struggle mentally once you try, fair enough, but I don't get why you wouldn't try.

Do want you want to do and ignore everyone else. Your body, your choice.

I did try for a few days for mine but just couldn't get the hang of it so I stopped.

What's best for baby is fed and healthy non stressed mum and a supportive spouse.

People worrying about breastfeeding when so many children are exposed to toxic family life, untreated mental illness, alcoholism, drugs, poverty, abuse, etc.

My son is still bf at 3 and he’s a pretty good eater! Had a fussy phase but will now happily eat a wide range of foods. Yesterday he was drinking my smoothie made of kefir and kale! I don’t think there is a correlation between how they’re fed.

Honestly this whole thread and this whole argument is batshit. And by the time you kid goes to school, NO ONE GIVES A SHIT! They really don’t. You can’t look at at a bunch of kids and say who was breastfed and when, it’s ridiculous. So just stop fighting about it and let everyone make their own fucking choices. Maybe if more mothers would support each other rather than criticising each other all the damned time, people would not find parenting so stressful and would be more informed and more confident in the choices they do make.

Sleep is a basic need.
I was screaming into a pillow beside myself with exhaustion when I EBF DS3. Stuffed my face with shite as and when I could because I didn't know when my next proper meal would be permitted. Went days without a shower as being a bit whiffy was preferable to the screaming if I put him down for that long. Wasn't going anywhere anyway, had zero excess energy for baby classes etc.
Mixed feeding and sharing the load with DH was so much better with DS1.”

this sounds absolutely dreadful
Does anyone seriously think women should put themselves through this?!
you’re signing up for parenthood not some kind of purgatory/punishment
you don’t cease to exist as a person with wants and needs just cos you become a mother

And by the time you kid goes to school, NO ONE GIVES A SHIT!

By the time they leave primary school at least 20% will be obese anyway.

I agree breast is possibly best but i felt the same as you , i have had 3 babies and absolutely did not want to breast feed ,no question whatsoever.
Not once ever was i put under any pressure to breast feed by any medical professional or anyone else either, i remember being quite surprised but relieved that during my pregnancies / hospital labours that my choice was never questioned.
Thankfully my kids have been healthy and hardy with no allergies .
Do what YOU want to do , not what somebody else wants you to do , and no you certainly aren't a bad mother .

Breast is best.

Medical reasons aside I don't understand why anyone wouldn't try but your body your choice.

@BurbageBrook

cos she doesn’t want to

what is there to get

women can do what they want believe it or not

No you are not a bad mother. Whether you breast feed or formula feed, you are feeding your baby. Please don't cave in to pressure or ever feel like you're not doing enough because you are.

If one of my dds ever has a baby and said I won't be breastfeeding, the only answer they would hear from me is, that is entirely your decision, how can I help with the baby?and if she says she will be breastfeeding the baby, she would get the same answer
And if any of those bullying self righteous BF warriors attempted to undermine her, they wld be out on their ear and get short shrift .
What is it that ye are not understanding??
It's called body autonomy. And personal choice.
People do not respond well to the kind of bullying demonstrated here.
But being right is all that matters to the warriors.
And ye are showing it over and over and over again.

I would say though that I have breastfed and am currently breastfeeding and if you can do it, it's much easier than formula feeding (which I did for a couple of months with my first). Nothing to do with what men are expected to do at all, men can't breastfeed.

I mean you do know giving birth hurts right?

Look you will get judged for breastfeeding and you will get judged for using formula.

You will get judged with everything you do.
Yes breast is best but only if the mother wants to and enjoys it otherwise it's just stressful even though it's much easier to whip one out then make up a fresh bottle 🤣

From a combi feeding mum

Look you will get judged for breastfeeding and you will get judged for using formula.

This is entirely accurate.

When breastfeeding I had people scowl at me in cafes, strangers and family members turn on their heel and run away when they saw I was about to feed. Which made me feel ashamed, body conscious and unsupported.

And then at a yummy mummy baby swim class in a posh area saw all the mothers isolate a bottle feeder in the changing room and ignore her… I didn’t get it so bad as babies were 9m+ by the time I was bottle feeding but seeing that did sort of scare me into continuing as I didn’t want to be socially isolated.

Mind you if I had been going to the council swim class I probably would have been isolated for breastfeeding…

You can’t win.

Put everything out of your head about other people’s reactions. Think about the facts relative to the benefits of breast feeding vs formula and where this sits with your personal capacity to cope/mental health. Then make the best decision for you.