aibu to not breastfeed just beacuse i dont want to?

[lunalovegrooove]

I understand breast is best, but I don't want to do it.
I feel pressure and the implication that I am a bad mother. I think I have the right to choose, and that the medical establishment doesn't expect something this taxing from men in society.

Am I a bad mother?

Good for you that you're rich, but 2/3 months maternity leave is not something to boast about or to promote as an ideal.

@DiddyHeck That is scientific writing I’m afraid.

You will never find in a conclusion “I have definitively proven that XYZ happens”.

Instead it is, xyz results showed a significant difference and this suggests that abc.

It seems like a massive deal in the first couple of years but honestly, after that point it’s a complete non issue. I’ve never looked at my class of 8 year olds and thought oh yeah, the parents of that one definitely didn’t bother breastfeeding.

Good for you making the choice you want you are already way ahead of the mothers determined to breastfeed (because sometimes doesn't work and they feel extremely bad)

Your child will benefit much more from a mother able to make decisions for herself and stick to them. That shows a great example and will be noticed in the way you are with your child.

I've breastfeed one child and bottle fed the other. They are the same and neither has had anything better you'd never tell.

Yes, which is why I don't think the PP should've claimed BF babies 'tend to be better eaters'.

It's misleading and can cause unnecessary worry for some mums.

No judgement at all. Just an objective statement of fact.

It’s a public discussion forum and comments were asked for.

I’m not interested in whether there’s anything wrong with it or not.
I was stating a fact.

Of course you have a choice.

WHO recommends it because it benefits baby enormously and also the mother. After carrying a baby safely for nine months why wouldn't you want the best for them?

They definitely do!

I get what you’re saying but I’m not sure how ‘choosing not to breastfeed’ is classed as a basic need. (Food, water, shelter, clothing and healthcare).

There’s sometimes exceptions where a woman may have so much trauma that she’s unable to but you could argue that not breastfeeding is not a choice then. Of course some women need a lot of support to bf and there’s nothing wrong with that.

This comment suggests you don't really believe breast is best.
Breast is best. Some people can't breastfeed.
I do question having a dc though if at this very first challenge your decision is 'I don't want to'.
Parenthood is a series of things you won't want to do. What else will you not do just because you can't be arsed? We do things because we do every possible thing to give our babies the best if everything. Or at least we should.
Seems people 'don't want' to feed their dc the best but will happily buy designer gear and post on SM.
If you don't want to, go ahead. That is your right. But I will judge you. That's my right

@DiddyHeck I think this is nit picking to some extent.

The paper I referenced stated “both breastfeeding and the timely introduction of complementary foods predict subsequent food acceptance.”

But equally, children will accept some sort of food and won’t starve even if FF, they just might be pickier eaters…

I don’t find anything troublesome with the word tend…. Scientific studies have to be cautious in their conclusions as science is a work in progress.

What I would do if wanting to assess the validity of a source would be to assess methodology and compare with the general consensus across the literature.

I haven’t done with this particular paper, but I would be comfortable enough to accept what’s stated as I was taught same at two Russell Group universities.

Motherhood in general is a very worrying thing. You do your best and everyone’s situation is different.

Breast feeding is a very contentious issue, as can be seen from the posts and strength of feeling.

I BFed my first and hated it. He never settled and I was always anxious and unhappy.

#2 and #3 got formula right away and were very easy babies. Into a routine right away and sleeping through the night within weeks. My mental health coped with that much better.

I think every MOTHER should make the choice they think will be best for them as they’re the ones who have to do it and deal with it.

The WHO actually recommends bf for 2 years and beyond. Totally your decision, though, as long as it's informed and you're happy, anyone else with an opinion can mind their business!

Breast feeding is best if all other factors remain the same. If it detracts from the mental health of the mother or if the baby is losing lots of weight, then thank goodness there's a safe alternative. If op goes against what she wants it might impact her mental health.

I combi fed for ten months, as I literally never made enough after huge blood loss (despite trying everything.) I also bottle fed ebm. Would you have judged me if you'd seen me bottle feeding my baby because 'that is your right?'

I don’t think bf babies tend to be better eaters.

My Dd was bf to 3 months and then ff until the doctors recommended we introduce some solids at 4 months (she had a heart condition and needed high calorie formula, wouldn’t take a bottle at first, only breast, but then the formula made her constipated - longer much more detailed story available but boring)

She had always been a marvellous eater who likes everything (now 15)

My ds was bf til 8 months. Did baby led weaning as recommended at the time. Is the fussiest so and so on Earth.

Sleep is a basic need.
I was screaming into a pillow beside myself with exhaustion when I EBF DS3. Stuffed my face with shite as and when I could because I didn't know when my next proper meal would be permitted. Went days without a shower as being a bit whiffy was preferable to the screaming if I put him down for that long. Wasn't going anywhere anyway, had zero excess energy for baby classes etc.
Mixed feeding and sharing the load with DH was so much better with DS1.

@KnittedCardi

Nobody chooses to have a c section. It is major surgery and goes ahead to ensure the safety of the baby and mother. Whether elective or emergency it is planned to diminish risk.

The choice is out of the mother’s hands.

Regards formula feeding, a small number of mothers cannot breastfeed, a slightly bigger number give up early because they think they can’t breastfeed but in actual fact the issue is inadequate support. Some have genuine mental/physical health issues that would preclude breastfeeding.

The largest group decide not to breastfeed because they want the freedom of bottle feeding and distribution of responsibility for feeding amongst their DH/other family.

That is a choice. A need for major surgery is not.

I have sensory issues so did it for 6 weeks and then actually my baby quit it, rather than other way round. Turns out they have adhd now. Inattentive…got to be connected. They just lost interest.

Disagree. FF is far easier that's why most people end up FF pretty soon. BF isn't necessarily cheap either, many bf mums spend money on pumps, bottles, sterilising equipment, bras, clothes, nipple shields, nipple cream, lactation consultants, support groups...

Don’t do it if you don’t want to. However the phrase “don’t knock it until you’ve tried it” comes to mind.

I fully breastfed three, not all at the same time, because essentially I’m mean and lazy. All that faffing with sterilising bottles, making up feeds and the cost drove me to breastfeed.

@theotherfossilsister no I would not judge you because you have a reason beyond 'I didn't want to'. I wouldn't judge random women I see out and about bottle feeding as o have no idea why they are doing what they are going. In fact I probably wouldn't even notice them. I do judge someone I know makes choices based on their wants over what's best for their dc without any significant reason other than 'I want'. Guaranteed parents who make choices based on flippant 'what they want' rather than best for their dc make poor parents

I breast fed because it was so damned easy, once I'd established it with DD1 after a week or so (only because the midwives at the hospital didn't check that I was doing it right), and with dd2 it was a doddle from day 1. It also uses up loads of calories and actually helps to relax your body so helps getting back to sleep in the night if you have a night feeder

We are in no way rich. My whole point was that we couldn’t afford for me to take longer. Don’t be ridiculous. It certainly is not a boast, more to remind people that not everyone has a genuine choice.

You can still share the feeds with breastfeeding. Which I plan to do.