aibu to not breastfeed just beacuse i dont want to?

[lunalovegrooove]

I understand breast is best, but I don't want to do it.
I feel pressure and the implication that I am a bad mother. I think I have the right to choose, and that the medical establishment doesn't expect something this taxing from men in society.

Am I a bad mother?

Breastfeeding is great and I'm glad I did it (still going), but no way would I recommend it for someone who's not wanting to. It's hard work, and I'm finding it hard for my toddler to stop (he's 21 months). It has also been a sleep crutch for a long while. He'll wake up and thinks he needs it to get back to sleep! It's easy in a lot of ways, but also complicates things a lot more, so unless you're 100% up for it, it's probably not the best for you

There you go @theduchessofspork

GCSE Biology

https://getrevising.co.uk/grids/advantages-and-disadvantages-of-breast-feeding

https://www.bbc.co.uk/bitesize/guides/zcmhxfr/revision/4

Taken throughout the land… honestly can’t get over the way you’re getting on thinking I am coming up with biased sources or some claptrap!! It’s common sense and basic secondary school education level…. And yet some on here are saying “batshit” 🤦‍♀️

This is no way bullying. It is correcting absurdly sketchy misinformation being put up here.

Your post is filled with inaccuracies. Pumping isn’t indicative of your milk supply - babies are more effective at removing milk. That’s just a fact. There are lots of ways to tell if baby is taking enough rather than measuring ounces. Your diet does not have to be any way perfect to produce good milk. Breastmilk is a living substance - it contains stem cells, white blood cells, antibodies that cannot be replicated (yet!) not everything in the body passes through to Breast milk but I believe there are pollutants that can. However this is also the case for cows milk that formula is made from.

Thanks for your help

Is your baby born yet? I think yabu for not trying it at all, it might not be how you think.

If they could manufacture breast milk it would be very expensive!

Have you ever tried? If not, how would you know?

I EBF both of my kids and had a wonderful experience. Not everyone has a hard time breastfeeding.

At the end of the day, all of this ‘here’s the benefits of breastfeeding’ and ‘my reasons for formula feeding are..’ are ALL bullshit.

What matters in this case is: does the OP want to?

And the answer is no.

So everything is is just noise.

I am fascinated by the science behind breastfeeding, but the OP doesn’t need to hear any of it because she doesn’t want to feed. That’s it. There are no arguments for and against because she isn’t asking for them. She isn’t on the fence. She doesn’t want to, so the correct response is: then you don’t have to. End of.

Well done for getting to 6 months 😊x

Yep!

Dad's can still do nights just have to express

I don't read up on this much because I am not particularly interested

That is patently obvious. This might be the most ignorant thing ever written.

It's your body and your choice.

I do know of one lady who ended up breastfeeding because her baby latched himself immediately after birth, and she ended up feeding long term. But if you don't want to and don't like it, don't force yourself.

@fliptopbin you're wrong on many counts.

Breast milk has nutrients plus bioactive components. Formula just has nutrients, and even then they're not perfectly balanced - formula fed babies have higher rates of obesity.

Breast milk adapts to circumstances, eg more water is secreted in hot weather. If a baby's saliva on the nipple has signs of an infection, the mother produces immune cells to fight it which are included in the milk. Breast milk has HMOs which feed beneficial bacteria in the gut, affecting risk of infectious disease, inflammation and more. Breast milk also has fatty acids that support brain growth and development. It's the product of hundreds of thousands of years of evolution. It's hands-down better than formula. Breastfed babies have fewer tummy bugs and ear infections.

Believe me, formula manufacturers are trying to make their product more like breast milk but it's very hard because breast milk is so complex and changes composition at different times of day, different age of baby, and through the process of a feed.

A good diet for the mother is a help, but even if the diet isn't perfect, breast milk is better than formula.

It's not an area where it's about opinions, it's scientific fact. Sometimes other considerations like medical needs, mental health etc come into it but you're absolutely wrong on most of what you said.

But imho, bf for most women is much easier and cheaper.

You seem to be confusing your opinion with facts.
For SOME women, it is much easier and cheaper.

It's still irrelevant, because it's none of anyone's business if the mother wants to or not.

Has anyone been advocating the return of wet nurses yet?

Oh, another thing - because breast milk is flavoured, breastfed babies tend to be better eaters as well, whereas formula fed babies are more resistant to new foods.

🙄

"JUST" have to express. Oh dear.

@bathrobeandpie

I thought this too.

Also Dad will argue you have been given time off to look after the baby, whereas he has a hard, gruelling day at work…

I think FF Dad’s pull that one too, but BF Dad’s get away with it easier!!

Research shows that babies who are exclusively breastfed for the first 6 months of life may be less likely to become picky eaters as toddlers. When babies drink breast milk, they experience all of the flavors that you take in through your own diet, which can broaden their palate as they grow and mature.

This says they may be not they 'tend to be'.

Can you link to any stats that show they tend to be? It would be interesting to know but I can't find anything on Google?

@DiddyHeck

Try Google scholar

https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s13679-016-0202-2

more beyond that, but don’t want to post anymore info incase I am accused of bullying again 🙄

Man, some of the comments on here. I’ve read the whole thread and have this to add, because some of you are still wide eyed “I don’t understaand”:

the single biggest predictor of a baby’s socioeconomic status (which impacts lifelong health, life expectancy, education, etc.) is the mother’s socioeconomic status.

For many women, they have to go back to work. I am the breadwinner and went back to work when my first was 2 months old, and my second was 3 months old. My career and earning potential benefited hugely from this. There is no doubt we are significantly better off as a family due to this, benefitting both of my children.

I planned to bf my first for those 2 months I was at home. After 10 days I was a sobbing, shaking mess. She was born small and wanted to cluster feed round the clock. Switching to formula was the best thing we ever did.

OP, do what works for your family. And, maybe don’t read this thread…

I did articulate a reply, but yet again you're making needless comments.

Of course it's your body and your right to choose- but
it's also your baby's body and

"I understand breast is best, but I don't want to do it."

just doesn't sit right with me-
you know something is best for your baby, you haven't said you are unable to do it, and yet you are seeking permission from the mumsnet community to do something you believe is less than best for your baby.

These threads are all the same. Let's just switch the scenario, and substitute the fact that vaginally born babies are also healthier etc than C Section babies. However, no-one would ever berate a mum for either choosing, or having to have an emergency, C Section. To me, the same compassion should be shown to all mums, whatever their choice or circumstance.

Thank you but there are no stats there at all and just like the PP, it's all about 'tends to be', 'might be', 'studies have found' etc.

It's all a bit vague.

OP just do whatever works for you. I've had three DC and bottle fed all of them. It's only online where people seem to be bothered by the whole breast or bottle thing. In the real world no one cares at all. Also once your child is a bit older you'll see how totally ridiculous the whole thing is. Mine are all in school/preschool and I can honestly say no one knows or cares who was breast or bottle fed it's a total non issue.