aibu to not breastfeed just beacuse i dont want to?

[lunalovegrooove]

I understand breast is best, but I don't want to do it.
I feel pressure and the implication that I am a bad mother. I think I have the right to choose, and that the medical establishment doesn't expect something this taxing from men in society.

Am I a bad mother?

I was just asking you to clarify what you meant when you addressed me directly in that tone.

If you can't articulate a reply, I have got my answer, thank you 😂

absolutely.

And sometimes, NOT breast-feeding is what's best.

Are ye aiming for Irish parody or can ye not write?

Your body, your business.

Im a huge advocate of breastfeeding and am still feeding my 3 year old. But I’m a bigger advocate of choice. Don’t want to do it? Then don’t. It’s YOUR body. And your mother in law can keep her beak out for sure.

I don't read up on this much because I am not particularly interested, tbh.
But - with no hyperbole, judging or hectoring (is that even possible?) what are the actual benefits of breast feeding in a developed country like the UK all things being equal?
Because I suspect it mostly a load of puff with not much substance, other than to give some BF mums a platform to lecture others. In a country where clean water, healthcare and poverty were an issue I absolutely get it, but I think in the UK it's just another thing for middle-class women to get their knickers in a twist about.

It’s totally up to you! I agree, fed is best.

It’s a massive red flag that your husband wants to control what you do with your body though. I find that really concerning.

Lots of people don’t take a decision til the baby has arrived, but no reason why you shouldn’t.

If you don’t want to do it, don’t do it.
There’s nothing to feel bad about.

I say that as a mum who bf my 1st till she was 3 and currently bf my 9 month old.
I have only good experiences, maybe I’m lucky.

Oh and as someone who is a huge advocate for breastfeeding, anyone on here telling you that you are being unreasonable or trying to guilt trip you can feck right off. It’s disgusting.

Your body, your business and never mind anyone else.

IF you want a compromise you’ll could pump and bottle feed the milk, but if you simply want to formula feed then go right ahead and do it with zero guilt.

Also, WHO guidelines cover the whole world, including countries where there isn’t safe water with which to make up the formula.

Formula feeding is relatively expensive, so another reason why it wouldn’t work for some people, both in UK and abroad.

But you need to decide based on your own circumstances not other people’s.

There are a lot of benefits. Lots and lots. And your post sounds ridiculous and snobby and giving yourself a platform to batter breastfeeding mums. But this isn’t the place for this because it can lead to guilt tripping the OP. Do some research, it’ll take you 30 seconds on Google.

Yes. And if bf adversely affects your mental health then it’s not good for anyone.

Precisely, and the last thing you need as a parent is extra stress!

@theduchessofspork

Nobody is using information to beat people with.

The links were provided as a PP stipulated that another posters views were “batshit”. They weren’t and I provided papers to back them up.

I’m sure the OP and any other educated women on here are perfectly capable or going on google scholar or similar and doing their own research.

But I grant you they won’t find much different; if it were then we would be seeing formula ads without warnings and the health guidance would change.

Flimflammy · Today 13:52
**
Oh and as someone who is a huge advocate for breastfeeding, anyone on here telling you that you are being unreasonable or trying to guilt trip you can feck right off. It’s disgusting.
**
Your body, your business and never mind anyone else.
**
IF you want a compromise you’ll could pump and bottle feed the milk, but if you simply want to formula feed then go right ahead and do it with zero guilt

One of the few very sensible, balanced posts on here.

I bf ours because I wanted to. Nobody else’s concern or business. Exactly as it wouldn’t have been had chosen not to.

Or if it impacts your bond and other children in a hugely negative way it’s NOT what is best.

Choosing not to breast feed is not prioritising the needs of your baby. It’s prioritising yours.

I can’t understand why so many on here are trying to make OP feel absolutely rotten for not choosing to BF. That does not make her a bad mother.

I really struggled to breastfeed and had no support. I actually used to recoil when dh would hand ds over to me for a feed. And whilst I appreciate that, for many, it’s a wonderful experience for them it was one of the most painful things I have ever experienced. I’d had delivered both of my dc without any pain relief but would rather have gone through that again than breastfeed.

Read back some of your replies and think what you are saying to a (probably) heavily pregnant or brand new mum. It’s hard enough navigating your way through life with a newborn, feeling knackered and sore with sleepless nights without the guilty weight from others that you are doing something so unspeakable as to not breastfeed your child. It’s her choice and her child will be fine.

I will always feel a sadness that I couldn’t bf my 2 but they are happy, healthy teens. I am extremely close to my children, I’ve been a bloody great parent even though I couldn’t breast feed them, it has not impacted our lives at all.

OP, I hope all goes well regardless of your decision.

Let me put it this way, when you look at room full of children, teenagers or adults, you can not tell who was bottle fed and who was breast fed.

I was exclusively breastfed and my DH was exclusively bottle fed. I have a whole host of health issues and am on multiple medications and he is the healthiest person I've ever met and has never had so much as a headache.

Just feed your child any way that you see fit, that's all that matters.

HeatherMoores · Today 13:57
**
Choosing not to breast feed is not prioritising the needs of your baby. It’s prioritising yours.”

Judgemental clap trap. None of your business.

And a baby doesn’t need a parent whose basic needs are being met? I think they do!

It is really concerning that your DH thinks he has the right to tell you what to do with your own body, and that he is already guilt-tripping you about what he thinks a good Mother "should" do when he has no experience of parenting. It is equally concerning that he is allowing your MIL to join in, when he should be protecting you by telling her to keep her nose out.

I think that if a woman wants to BF she should recieve all the support, encouragement and accommodations needed to do so. But I do not believe anyone should be pressured or guilt-tripped. It is also not for anyone else to tell you that BF will be "easier and more convenient" as every woman, every family and every feeding journey will be different. I know plenty of women who have had really positive BF experiences, but I also know women who hated every minute and it negatively affected their mental health.

I think it's easy for people to say "just give it a go", but from what you've said I would be concerned that if you did this and wanted to stop your DH would pressure you to carry on, even if it was detrimental to you.

@Doteycat

Please can I remind you that you are not allowed to come on here and personally attack people.

I have the view that on a biological basis breastfeeding is best. Because my background is science and I happen to think the information I’ve read on the subject is sound.

That does not take away from the fact that breastfeeding can be difficult or impossible for some and others can have mental health issues as a result of how gruelling the first few weeks of breastfeeding can be.

A lot of people have stated on this thread that breastfeeding is best in a stronger tone than I have.

But because I try and provide accurate information, as opposed to codswallop biased opinion, to try and help people make an informed decision… that is wrong and I’m a bully?!

Please. ✋

@HeatherMoores

and what’s wrong with that??

Omg @theduchessofspork

As I have stated REPEATEDLY

Another poster stated that breast feeding had immunologic benefits, was involved in development of a healthy gut microbiome and that formula is considered a UPF.

The reply to this was that these facts are batshit and evidence required.

So I provided some papers from reliable sources to back up the assertions that were made.

For goodness sake those three facts are taught in GCSE biology right the way through to undergraduate level.

Will you for goodness sake get a grip of yourself!!

Do what you like.

Breastfeeding has been one of the best experiences of my life. Doesn't mean it wasn't hard at times.