aibu to not breastfeed just beacuse i dont want to?

[lunalovegrooove]

I understand breast is best, but I don't want to do it.
I feel pressure and the implication that I am a bad mother. I think I have the right to choose, and that the medical establishment doesn't expect something this taxing from men in society.

Am I a bad mother?

Read all that PPs posts.

In the context of this thread, she is bullying.

She isn’t providing a balanced selection of links. She is using select links to support her POV in an biased way.

It’s fine to point out BF has benefits, but not to imply there aren’t nuances.

Being completely honest, I find it hard to understand why anyone wouldn’t at least do it for the first few days at least, just so that baby gets the colostrum.

I find it hard to believe that most mothers, if they were made aware of the benefits of it (liquid gold), that they wouldn’t give it to their baby.

A friend of mine had her baby in Australia and she said it would be unheard of to not do it there. It would be very strange to go straight to a bottle with a newborn.

Anyway, it’s your choice, OP. But at least make sure it’s an informed one.

Nope! Im a midwife, completely support breast and bottle feeding. Literally couldn't care less what anyone else did as long as baby is fed.

The I got pregnant and the thought of me myself breastfeeding cringed me riiiiight out. Absolutely refused to talk about it.

Then he was born and we're still bf 14 months later.

So absolutely your choice, but just be open to everything I would say.

Other people's stories and anecdotes don't matter here OP.

Your body, your baby, your choice.

It's that simple. And no, that will not make you a bad mother

Sorry @theduchessofspork I couldn’t see @lunalovegrooove wasnt interested in pumping. She just said she didn’t want to breastfeed. That could be for many reasons - she doesn’t want to be physically in demand by the baby, needs freedom, is worried about feeding pain, or the inconvenience of finding places in public to feed, or breastfeeding friendly clothing, or just doesn’t like the concept of breastfeeding, or anything!! Pumping occasionally, if she’s interested and able was just a suggestion. When I was pregnant with my first I didn’t even know about pumping. Anyway, wasn’t intended to be unsupportive, was just trying to show it doesn’t have to be black and white - breast or formula.

There is no such think as accurate links if they don’t provide a full survey of the information available.

Even the most basic research will tell you a) that the benefits of BF are only visible at a population level ie they are small

b) that the mothers mental health needs to be taken into account when making a decision.

Writing ‘sigh’ is childish and silly - we don’t support new mothers enough in this country and we never will when the decision of how to feed isn’t taken in a holistic way.

BF is not so beneficial, in the context of a developed country, that the science behind it should be used as a stick to beat people with.

That’s what I’ve read too - that in developed countries the effects of breastfeeding are confounded by socioeconomic factors. Breastfeeding mothers are often better off, better educated and may have better support, so if their babies do better by any measurable outcome, we don’t know whether it’s a magical property of breastmilk or the fact that other factors that tend to benefit babies anyway are at play instead.

Tell your hubby, MIL & world health organisation to feck off.

Breast is not necessary best, what is best, is what works for you.

if you were meant to have your offspring hanging from your nipple you would live in a field and be called Daisy the coo !

what do you mean, "me again"?
Why do you get triggered by someone commenting on a public forum now?

I wasn’t allowed to breastfeed in front of my in-laws so whenever they visited I inevitably spent hours in a room on my own with my baby. So that’s one advantage… 😉

No, absolutely not. I didn't as I didn't want anything sucking on me! DD is tallest in her class, no sick days since the last flu vaccine in 2016, all A* in school. Didn't harm her at all!

@hotcandle

There are two issues.

Firstly the formula will be a culture shock to the baby’s gut and they will be uncomfortable by contrast to what they’re used to and potentially have real difficulty passing stools. I found this distressing to cope with as we had to go from breast milk to formula overnight (surgery 6m PP for me). Usually you would do the change more gradually. We tried 3 different types before settling with the most expensive Aptamil out of desperation. Finally baby was more settled and could poop in peace. But did become rather rotund due to the formula. Went back to their normal size when weaned/cows milk introduced 1yr.

Regarding cessation of breast feeding.
If you have to stop in the early days, you aren’t producing that much so it will dry up quite quickly. You can get some engorgement but use a hand pump for that, for example on day 1-2 pump 2 ounces 3x a day and then gradually reduce it down (google a guide to this). The same happens naturally; by the time baby starts to wean at 6m they take on more and more food and feed from you less so your supply goes down gradually.

The main problem I had was when night feeds suddenly dropped as it wasn’t gradual and then I did have some engorgement and massive rock hard boobs that exploded in my sleep… I probably should have set an alarm… but man I was tired and glad for the sleep again. This only happened 2-3 times before my body realised.

You will occasionally have a blocked duct or engorgement when you start to go away from baby or baby’s feeding pattern changes. If this happens you can massage the breast and/or hold a hot water bottle to it to release the flow… have towels… when it is unblocked it goes off like a geyser. But the relief is so satisfying!

You will get the hang of it. La leche meetings, BF friends, MN all helpful resources. Good luck!

Triggered....are we in secondary school now?
Stop 'interacting' with me if it's not in any way constructive.

I guess there’s also each babies latch to consider. For me it was agony (DD has a tied tongue) and didn’t get easier in the 8 weeks I BF’d. I have quite large boobs, which we’re absolutely massive when full of milk, and always felt very self conscious feeding in public. I wondered if smaller boobs were easier to latch and generally manoeuvre, but this could be absolute rubbish.

Your baby your choice, nothing to do with anyone else

There always seems to be a disingenuous tone from some in the pro-bf lobby and like those who are anti-abortion, their passionate arguments stem less from a concern for the wellbeing of babies but rather a desire to maintain and promote traditional gender roles.

IslandsInTheSunshine · Today 11:37
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Can the women here who don't want to breastfeed, make their case for that choice?
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Because I can't understand why someone wouldn't want to give their child the best start and out their own 'feelings' first.
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I just don't get it”

No one has to justify themselves to you but Ok, I was ff too. I’m nearly 60. I’m tall, fit and bright. No ailments/medications other than inherited veinous insufficiency. All my own teeth, great hair, sailed through menopause with just night sweats. Not sure bf would have prevented those.

Is 60 old enough to judge?

husband is 64. Bf, as were his brothers. They’re all overweight or obese with either type 1 or 2 diabetes, kidney or heart issues and one has bowel cancer 🤷‍♀️

A good mother would always try and do what's best for her child..

@Pittabred and sometimes that is formula feeding because breastfeeding is destroying the mental health of the mother, or stressing her, or impacting her relationship with OH, or because she doesn't want to be forced to do something she doesn't want to do, all of which would ultimately impact on her ability to parent well or to quote you be "a good mother"

When you have a child you should at least try to do everything that is best for that child. So yes I do think yabu to not try to breast feed just because you don't want to. Being a parent means doing many things you don't want to because you put the child first
The analogy about men not expecting to do it makes no sense as neither are they expected to carry a baby for 9 months or give birth!

They do recommend it, but it is also a choice they can't say woman must do it.

@theduchessofspork

Cows milk evolved for cows over millions of years, likewise human milk evolved for what humans developmentally need.

Even if you adapt cows milk to make it consumable and to meet basic nutritional needs. It cannot compare to breast milk in establishing the immune system, gut microbiota and in adapting to the individual baby; it is a set standard formula that doesn’t adapt its composition on at times a day to day basis.

A baby won’t starve on formula and many go on to thrive comparably. But you can’t put formula on the same level as breast milk.

I didn't breast fed as chose not to. I knew it wasn't for me. With my first I was very set in not doing as as I gave birth in Dubai we had to sign a waiver at the hospital that we weren't acting in our babies best interests before I was "allowed" to use formula. Which is just ridiculous really considering I was asked to sign this while in recovery from an emergency C section.

I did have various comments from midwives, doctors and other mums about why I wouldn't even give it a try so there is some pressure and a feeling of needing to explain yourself. But ultimately it's up to you. And doesn't make you a bad mum to choose bottles.

With my second DD I fed colostrum and hated it. Then expressed but literally for about 2 weeks. It was April 2020 and I was petrified of Covid so decided to try colostrum for better immunity. Found bottles much easier and def the right choice for me.