aibu to not breastfeed just beacuse i dont want to?

[lunalovegrooove]

I understand breast is best, but I don't want to do it.
I feel pressure and the implication that I am a bad mother. I think I have the right to choose, and that the medical establishment doesn't expect something this taxing from men in society.

Am I a bad mother?

I co slept so with bf it was simple to feed and sleep, and yes, I'm sure heath professionals are screaming in horror at the idea, but it worked with two kids.

My advice would be try bf, if it doesn't work, then try FF. But that's my attitude to everything, if you aren't sure about something new just at least give it a go.

Tell your husband to breastfeed…oh wait he can’t. Therefore he gets no say. He doesn’t control your body.

I do think you should at least try it before saying you won’t do it. Colostrum is so good for them even if you just breastfed for a week it would be beneficial. You might feel differently once you've given birth ? Obviously it’s totally upto you but I would like up the benefits it’s also a lot easier than making bottles once you get through the first weeks of clustefeeeding.

Barring complications like low supply or a negative impact on maternal mental health, breastfeeding is almost always best for the baby. Old claims about increased IQ and long term health seem overblown but it’s clear there’s an improvement in things like immunity while the baby is being breastfed. Plus the mother gets a reduced risk of breast and ovarian cancers.

I breastfed my first and, as I type, am feeding my second. I am glad I have done/am doing it and have no regrets.

However, there are a lot of things that are best for my kids that I don’t do - they don’t live entirely on home cooked organic healthy meals, they don’t have three hours of outdoor play a day, sometimes when I’m tired they eat cake and watch tv while I scroll on my phone. It’s all about finding the balance between what’s best and what’s convenient. You need to find your own comfort level in that balance.

However, as others have said formula feeding isn’t necessarily more convenient. My experience is breastfeeding can be really hard at first - mastitis, cracked and bleeding nipples, stress about whether baby is feeding enough, engorgement, uncomfortable latch etc. are not fun. But longer term it seems easier than formula - milk always ready, guaranteed way to calm the baby, free, don’t have to cart equipment round with you. Others don’t seem to have any of the initial difficulties and it’s just easy throughout.

Personally, I just don’t get why you wouldn’t try breastfeeding. You may be someone to whom it comes really easily. You may really like it, if you don’t then stop. Obviously if you don’t want to no one is going to force you. I have never seen a woman formula feeding and thought anything negative about her because of it and I doubt there are many people that do.

Neither did I. In fact after feeding 3 I loved it! Being able to hand baby over to someone else to feed. Having a good nights sleep sometimes. Just sharing the load was lovely.

My personal experience is very different.

Baby cries, grab waiting clean bottle, use the perfect prep machine in bedroom, feed baby, go back to sleep.

Of course, this was only when it was my turn. When it was DH's turn, I simply rolled over and went back to sleep.

@GCSister SEN baby, constantly needed held and it was difficult to keep up with everything.

Personally the boob, though arduous in the beginning, was preferable as it was instantly calming/comforting to baby and required no washing/sterilisation/mixing.

Baby 1 would go from 0-100 if had to wait for feed for even 5mins. Hysterical. So yeah I really missed the boob after it stopped!

I didn't with any of mine because I didn't want to. The thought of it makes me heave.
But I am aware there is tremendous pressure to do it nowadays, both from the NHS and sites such as MN. When my first was born, all the formula feeders were out in a room together, but other than some leaflets and gentle encouragement from ante-natal midwives, it wasn't mentioned. That was 30 years ago but I think the pressure has ramped up a lot since then

I never found FF a faff. Microwave sterilisers made the job easy. I prepared the feed once a day for the next 24 hours, kept them in the fridge, and had a mini fridge and bottle warmer on the bedside table. But once I switched to formula, they fed less often and seemed more content and quickly dropped the constant night feeding. I would twilight feed at 10 to 11 and they would then sleep through to 6 ish, giving me a decent amount of sleep. It saved my sanity tbh.

Bully's never think they are bully's.
Nothing would put me off BF faster than coming across all the absolutely appalling carryon of the so called pro Bf warriors here.
God forbid I ended up like that.
Luckily at my age I know I did what was right for my kids and I don't let people who talk shite bother me.
But young vulnerable people might. But that's why ye do it isn't it. Cos ye have to be right.
Shame on ye all.

I breastfed for 6 months and I do think that there are significant advantages for the baby. But fed is best.

The formula that is on the market now is very similar to breast milk and millions of babies (including me decades ago) thrived on it.

You do what is right for you. Your baby will thrive.

Im not trying to be passive aggressive - it's factual. I'm not sure how else I can phrase it.

There are health risks of not breastfeeding and formula and it's a disservice to women to pretend otherwise and that it doesn't make any difference. That doesn't mean you or your baby won't be ok if not - it's statistical.

There's masses of misinformation around. I find the books by Amy Brown very informative on this.

I do fully support anyone's right to choose whether to attempt to breastfed or not. Mothers have to do the best they can in their own circumstances and with how they feel - that won't always be breastfeeding for lots of reasons.

@Robinni bit those were your personal circumstances.
My circumstances were different therefore FF worked better for us as a family.

There's that too. The ultimate convenience other than DH taking his turn in the night was the fact that by 8 weeks old, there were no night feeds at all.

"Bottle feeding
Baby cries, you grown inwardly, stumble down the stairs, stick the kettle on, realise you have no clean bottles, so the next ten mins is spent cleaning/sterilising/mixing etc, by the time you get back up the stairs baby is fully awake, irate and screaming hysterically. Feed takes 20mins, lots of walking back and forth to calm them/wind them. An hour or so later the palaver is over and you go back to sleep."

If you are bottle feeding, none of this happens. The likelihood of you 'realise you have no clean bottles, so the next ten mins is spent cleaning/sterilising/mixing etc' is vanishingly small. It becomes part of you routine to make sure bottles are washed, sterilised and in may case, made up in the fridge (although I know this is not recommended now for some reason) and ready to go.

Ohhh. I got a perfect prep when I took custody of my newborn granddaughters. What a piece of tech! I loved it.

I’m referring to all of the PP’s posts which are hectoring in tone.

There is in fact very little research on FF, and much of the research on BF is from very small surveys. So plastering a load of links as if they are the word of god on a thread in which someone is worrying about breastfeeding is bullying, because it is not providing a balanced view. I imagine the PP is bright enough to know this.

The internalised misogyny any thread around BF releases is depressing. Yes there are benefits to breastfeeding but there are also benefits to FF for many.

BF is not so beneficial, in the context of a developed country, that the science behind it should be used as a stick to beat people with.

Your baby, your breasts, your choice.Don’t think about it anymore.

Your anecdotal.evidence is just anecdotal, firsts of all I live in a flat when my kids were babies so there was no stumbling down stairs
And if you have made a decision to.formula feed you wouldn't be leaving yourself with no clean bottles in the middle of the night
plus i had a microwave steamer ,so sterilizing bottles took two minutes
I get you are pro breast feeding but don't pretend bottle feeding is harder than it is

If you really don't want to then that's absolutely fine - and I say that as a breastfeeding advocate.

As previous posters have said, there are advantages of breastfeeding. However, if you're not comfortable with the idea then trying to force it is pointless. An unhappy/resentful mum is no good to either herself, her baby or the people around her.

My one suggestion is not to rule it out completely as you may find you feel differently when baby arrives. Consider whether you might be prepared to try just a few first feeds so your baby gets the benefits of colostrum but absolutey do not be bullied into it.

Your baby will be fine whichever route you take.

...and someone calling someone a bully also doesn't mean they ARE a bully.

The who are worried about babies in third world countries being fed formula made with dirty water.

Your baby needs to be fed milk of some description. Doesn’t matter if it’s breast or formula.

Your well-being is massively important to your babies wellbeing and you shouldn’t do something that doesn’t work for you.

Honestly the pressure on women to breastfeed is ridiculous these days.

(I breastfed for a year, I hated it, made life harder…but cheaper)

Providing accurate links is much more useful than any of what I read on your post (your opinion, your accusations). Sigh.

To be fair to the NHS, it also recommends you don't smoke, or drink to excess, that you exercise regularly, that you eat fruit and veg. It can only recommend these things because it does not have the power to make you do anything. The NHS recommends what is best for you and your baby and it is up to you what you choose to do with that information.

Most mothers in the UK formula feed. A lot people are overweight, don't excercise, smoke, drink too much, only eat junk food. We are free to make poor choices.

But on this case its true.