aibu to not breastfeed just beacuse i dont want to?

[lunalovegrooove]

I understand breast is best, but I don't want to do it.
I feel pressure and the implication that I am a bad mother. I think I have the right to choose, and that the medical establishment doesn't expect something this taxing from men in society.

Am I a bad mother?

The last thing I’d call breastfeeding is lazy! I’m always very impressed by those who seemed to nail it so easily. Especially mums in cafes who seem so super cool about the whole thing.

@IsThereABarUpThere

Here, I’ll help.

Benefits
https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0002817714606152

https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/1010539515624964

Gut microbiota
https://www.nature.com/articles/s41467-018-06473-x

https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fped.2019.00047/full?fbclid=IwAR1pI8KDuq6gx3tp-XjkR5SoFcB9wmStJWdWEwjX7vNcgOkpoFxKoNWg4Ho

https://www.cambridge.org/core/journals/journal-of-developmental-origins-of-health-and-disease/article/abs/breastfeeding-a-key-modulator-of-gut-microbiota-characteristics-in-late-infancy/07422CB35035039786383E53BBE08304

UPF health impacts
https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0899900717302137

https://www.cambridge.org/core/journals/british-journal-of-nutrition/article/consumption-of-ultraprocessed-foods-and-health-status-a-systematic-review-and-metaanalysis/FDCA00C0C747AA36E1860BBF69A62704

I didn’t breastfeed. Never even considered it. 100% knew it was not for me and I don’t regret it one bit.

Exactly as it should be!

The old saying ‘happy baby, happy mum’ certainly carries weight.

I notice a lot of the comments about bottles being a faff and bf being easy are from those that bf.

I found formula easy peasy. It was great. After months of being pregnant I got my body back and as I was going back to work when dd was three months a necessary decision in our family.

I know most women find it beautiful but I just found the idea of a baby hanging off my boob completely gross and there was already enough gross going around with a baby (nappies yuck).

Also what a sacrifice right. That’s your career bye bye but of course when your child is at school and you’re on peanuts while your DH is on a great salary with prospects it was still worth it 🙄

If it made that much of a difference, we'd be able to tell the differently fed babies apart. I'm my experience, breastfed babies are smaller and have a better colour and their mothers often look more exhausted and stressed. Roll on a year and everyone presents similarly.

Do what you want. I'd be more concerned about the impact on your mental health of your DH and mil crossing boundaries and teaming up to give unsolicited advice.

It's best to reduce over a week or so you risk engorgement and mastitis by going cold turkey.
Certain things can help reduce milk production and engorgement green cabbage leaves contain an enzyme which can reduce it for instance.

Did you know formula is an UPF?
Wouldn't you rather feed your baby free milk that's perfectly tailored to their exact needs that's not made with chemicals?

Don't be a sheep and fall for the formula marketing hype.

How patronising 🙄

It can often be hard work getting established, but once it is established then it can actually be fairly easy going - the mums you see out and about are possibly the ones who are past the harder earlier stages? It's still an amazing thing though.

There is some truth in it, even if better words could have been used.

Cows milk is for human babies when it’s turned into human baby formula - doing that that for baby cows would be a bit of an unnecessary faff wouldn’t it?

Or is this now a vegan thread cos that’s another stick to beat the OP, and any other woman who chooses to FF with.

Wft etc.

My goodness yourself

Pedant here, human breastmilk is also made up of chemicals, because, well, pretty much everything in the world is made of chemicals.
I get the 'perfectly tailored' part, and agree, but don't confuse it by saying things that are not factual.

I thought I'd hate it but gave it a go and actually loved it. It's cheaper and so convenient.
Worth a try before deciding its not for you. You could be pleasantly suprised.

BF is better, but it’s only demonstrable on a population wide level. IE the differences are v small and unlike to make any odds to an individual.

So, they are offset by the mother’s preference, because her mental health also matters, for both her and her baby.

So, your scaremongering is irrational.

Hopefully you are having a bad day, and are generally not this much of a bully.

How is providing information, when asked, being 'a bully'?

She doesnt want to BF, why are you trying to guilt trip her? Instead support her decision to feed however she sees fit for her and her family.
And everything is made up of atoms which form molecules which join together to form chemicals. Everything has a chemical formula. everything that exists is a chemical.

@lunalovegrooove

Breastfeeding
Baby cries, you roll over, pick up baby beside you, remain lying down and pop your tit in their mouth. Baby feeds for five mins and goes back to sleep.

Bottle feeding
Baby cries, you grown inwardly, stumble down the stairs, stick the kettle on, realise you have no clean bottles, so the next ten mins is spent cleaning/sterilising/mixing etc, by the time you get back up the stairs baby is fully awake, irate and screaming hysterically. Feed takes 20mins, lots of walking back and forth to calm them/wind them. An hour or so later the palaver is over and you go back to sleep.

My personal experience of the faff.

I was keen to breast feed and of course this was met with smiling approval from everyone be they healthcare staff or other parents, What nobody told me was how tiring it was, how painful it was, I would be sobbing from the pain and dreading each feed so I stopped after 3 weeks. I honestly think it is totally up to each individual person, of course if you can do it, if you want to do it, then that is great but it really is your baby, your body and your choice. Out of interest my mainly bottle fed baby was never ill and grew into a bright, happy healthy child , You can't tell which children were breastfeed and which were bottle fed, what really matters is love and attention not how the nourishment of their early months gets into their stomachs.

Clearly not or she’d have asked advice on that.

formula is absolutely fine and safe. A perfect alternative to breast milk.

I’m not against breastfeeding. I BF 3, donated to the neonatal unit, bottle fed my last due to milk issues.

I am however, against the bullying and browbeating of vulnerable women when they’re simply trying to the best they can. It sucks.

Fixyourself

No because a happy mum and baby comes higher on needs and a starving baby and miserable mum and baby in my case is not a baby’s “exact” need.

And as for chemicals babies and children are exposed to all sorts of chemicals pesticides and hormones in foods,breast milk
and the environment.Formula is the last of my worries on that score.

@Robinni maybe you just needed to be more organised?
I never found FF that much of a faff 🤷🏼‍♀️

@theduchessofspork I agree with what @Warum said - I’m not a bully.

I saw a poster saying that the health benefits were “batshit” and the demand for evidence so I gave it.

And I am qualified in this area so it gets annoying whenever people spout nonsense about biology. People should have access to accurate information.

Eta - click to see whole pic