aibu to not breastfeed just beacuse i dont want to?

[lunalovegrooove]

I understand breast is best, but I don't want to do it.
I feel pressure and the implication that I am a bad mother. I think I have the right to choose, and that the medical establishment doesn't expect something this taxing from men in society.

Am I a bad mother?

At the end of the day- HAPPY MUM, HAPPY BABY

Also a lot of mothers now harvest colostrum for baby then formula feed and that again really closes that already small gap between the two

Wow just wow…saying it’s her choice and then becoming incredibly passive aggressive. Increased health risks? Spoken by the BF gestapo…
OP fed is best…I bf one baby and didn’t the other…enjoyed both. (Also bf baby had an ear infection at 8 weeks…make of that what you will!)

It's your body and your choice so I voted YANBU.

That being said you are being a bit sweeping saying it's not a comfortable experience -I agree that learning to do it and establishing feeding can be bloody uncomfortable, even painful at times but IME that was just a few weeks. After that I had another 10 months of very comfortable feeding with my first and then another year with my second.

I found it very difficult at first, as hard as learning to drive in fact but it was so worth it in the end. The convenience of not having to get up in the middle of the night to heat bottles or faff around mixing formula (the smell of which makes me gag) and sterilising things more than offset the first month or so of discomfort.

But if , on balance , you decide against it , you are not a bad mother. You will be the best mother that baby ever has!

Horses for courses. I didn't BF because I didn't want to. I wanted my body back for myself, I wanted to share night-time feeds, I wanted to be able to go out and leave my baby with her father and not be worrying about whether she was feeding. I wanted (and needed) to return to work.

All purely selfish reasons but reasons that were important to me. I am an unselfish mother in a hundred other ways. My daughter is a strong, healthy, intelligent, confident child (infant school age); we have an amazing bond.

This is just me and my experience. Different things are important to different people, but I don't regret a thing and my emotional and mental health definitely benefited from my decision.

A fed baby and happy mum is best- bottle or breast, the choice is yours!

Can I ask any of the breastfeeding mothers on this thread please... If you try breastfeeding and it doesn't work for whatever reason. Is it a big faff to stop and convert over to formula? Will your breasts leak milk or become engorged?

I'm in my first trimester and will try breastfeeding out of curiosity, but I don't want to be stuck then having to persevere if it isn't for me.

I did it for six months which was as long as I could bear, my son often refused it which made zero sense to anyone and to this day we don’t know why. So I combi fed and muddled through as best I could. I wouldn’t say it worked well for me, it was a constant battle and physically and mentally exhausting. I’d probably do the same again if I had another baby, but tbh the breastfeeding was such a nightmare it’s put me off having another!!! x

You can’t imagine? How narrow your world must be.

I really wanted to breast feed but struggled with the discomfort and never received any support from my midwives. I still regret it to this day BUT my kids are happy 15 and 18 year olds and I’ve done a good job as a mum so I won’t beat myself up about it, good parenting goes well beyond breast milk.

My friend decided from the get-go she was not breastfeeding and even took formula and bottles in hospital with her. Her ds is now 19 and the most intelligent person we know, he is beyond bright, formula has done him no harm.

You have to do what feels right for you, as long as your baby is loved and well cared for then you are doing a great job.

BF is better, but it’s only demonstrable on a population wide level. IE the differences are v small and unlike to make any odds to an individual.

So, they are offset by the mother’s preference, because her mental health also matters, for both her and her baby.

So, your scaremongering is irrational.

Hopefully you are having a bad day, and are generally not this much of a bully.

At the same time, I feel like it is overplayed when people talk about washing/sterilising etc like it is constant.

In reality, you just get enough bottles that you only need to do it once a day and the bottles I use are self sterilising so just need to be popped in the microwave.

I've always found it incredibly easy but admittedly, don't have anything to compare it to.

@hotcandle yol have to stop breastfeeding gradually say over a few weeks so your body reduces the amount of milk being produced. You just cut down gradually on feeds per day and introduce formula. If you just go cold Turkey you risk infection and also very very sore boobs! Definitely wean off slowly. X

Higher risk of cancer in life for the infant.
Higher risk of ovarian, uterine and breast cancer in the mother.

Okay, yes the research says that breastfeeding lowers the risk of developing particular cancers. However, this is particularly the case if you have children when you are young. So would you call older mothers bad mums for not having children in their 20's?

Cancer is also linked to genetics, diet and lifestyle.

Yes breastfeeding is optimal BUT formula feeding isn't harmful and that is an important distinction.

If you’re interested in it… maybe you could pump - say 2 or 3 times a day - and then DH can bottle feed baby that milk? If you invest in a strong pump, it’ll work out cheaper than exclusively formula feeding, baby still gets some health benefits from your milk, and DH feels you’ve both compromised. Obviously it’s your choice, 100%, just a suggestion if you’re looking for alternatives to just breast or just formula.

I bf both, but I'm lazy, so it was so much easier to whip out a boob then prepare bottles etc, no worries about being organised.

Look up the Nestle formula scandal. It's the legal reason behind WHO being unable to promote formula, as well as the advertising restraints, etc etc. I work for a baby charity and we have to follow so many rules because of this. Although horrific of course, its made the bf/formula debate a whole lot harder to navigate. It's hard to get proper information and studies on formula feeding.

Personally, I weighed up the effects on my sleep, the toll it took on so many mothers around me, and the bonding possibilities for my husband and son. I tried for a few weeks, my heart wasn't in it and so we switched to kendamil formula. My son is thriving, has the best bond with his daddy, and I'm not sleep deprived! Currently pregnant with second and will likely try the first week or so for the colostrum.

Like most have said, your body, your choice. I just wanted to make sure you were aware of the politics behind formula promotion.

You either deliberately misunderstand, or don't.

Also breastfeeding support in the UK is absolutely woeful. In the US you have a lactation consultant, who helps you deliver breastfeeding. We initially paid a breast feeding consultant as I was desperate to make it work, but actually the struggle was compromising my mental health. The demands made of UK women to breastfeed are not underpinned by the NHS, so if it is as important as medical professionals (and WHO) claim, why isn’t it adequately funded? Just another example of women’s healthcare being overlooked.

The facts are there for you to read and understand.

You know there’s no real obligation but I expect you feel there is a moral one.

If you don’t want to then no one can make you.

Luckily it really is up to you. You do have a choice. We are so fortunate that we live in a society where we can actually choose this sort of thing!

Nobody cares, do what you want. I don’t get the angst.

She’s not interested. She already said that. So perhaps you could “100%” respect that?

Feed your baby however you wish but breast milk is made for your baby. Cows milk is made for calves not human babies.

Don't be a sheep and fall for the formula marketing hype. After all, big companies don't make money from people choosing to breastfeed.

Do whatever you want to do, its your body and your baby. I BF the first few weeks to give them the benefit of my milk. but tbh I wanted someone to share the load and they went from almost constantly feeding to bottles every 3 to 4 hours, it was liberating. Both dropped a night feed at a few months old and both of them grew up to be happy and healthy.
If you can and want to BF great, but the support for women is honestly crap in the UK unless you are willing to pay for it. So I don't blame women for choosing whatever option suits them and their families best.
Formula was convenient for me and saved my sanity and gave me a much needed break from being the only one who could fulfill their feeding requirements.