aibu to not breastfeed just beacuse i dont want to?

[lunalovegrooove]

I understand breast is best, but I don't want to do it.
I feel pressure and the implication that I am a bad mother. I think I have the right to choose, and that the medical establishment doesn't expect something this taxing from men in society.

Am I a bad mother?

@LastNightIDreamtIWasAtManderleyAgain

newsflash! Women can do what they want with their own bodies! Soz

'There is very little difference between breast milk and formula in the first world.'

@MayThe4th this is not actually true at all.

While I'd always suggest trying breastfeeding if you can, I also respect the ultimate right of mothers to make their own choices - please don't spread misinformation though, as that helps nobody!

I think it’s always important to remember that The World Health Organisation guidelines are blanket guidance for the WORLD. This includes countries where water is not sterile or people do not have the means to sterilise it and therefore formula feeding would not be safe. And whilst there are advantages to breast feeding ultimately you have to do what is best for you and your mental well-being. Healthy Mum = healthy baby.

Of course no. Lots of people prefer to bottle feed whether they can breast feed or not.

I think you're the one being VVVU.

What right do you have to dictate what other women do with their bodies?

I'm asking this as someone who is a massive fan of breastfeeding, but seriously, how dare you try to make other women feel shit as a result of perfectly reasonable choices?

@fliptopbin

Cows milk is for cows.

Human milk is for humans.

Does that make it clearer?

How about

Breastmilk
Milk originated as a glandular skin secretion in synapsids (the lineage ancestral to mammals), perhaps as early as the Pennsylvanian period, that is, approximately 310 million years ago (mya).

Formula
In 1865 (158 years ago) chemist Justus von Liebig developed, patented, and marketed an infant food, first in a liquid form and then in a powdered form for better preservation. Liebig's formula—consisting of cow's milk, wheat and malt flour, and potassium bicarbonate—was considered the perfect infant food (Radbill, 1981)

As long as it is their choice, it's absolutely fine but it has to be the woman's choice because it is her body.

You either believe in bodily autonomy or don't.

Your post is disgusting.

You do what you suits you. Completely your choice. I would make clear to your husband that you have considered his opinion but it doesn’t work for you and you expect him to support your choice.

For me doing a combination worked well. I found bf very hard for the first 2 weeks and we did some formula to top up. After the initial hurdle I actually found it easier than washing and sterilising bottles but it was nice my dc would take both so I could still leave her with DH etc.

I would point out three things

The WHO guidance is for the WORLD, this includes countries where water is insanitary and formula too expensive for most. This does not apply to you.

They are your breasts. It is your body. The only person who decides what to do with it is you.

You don’t want to hear another word on the subject from either of them.

Then go and buy the formula, bottles and steriliser you need, prep your hospital bag and tell your midwife/HV you’ve made your decision.

End of.

putting crap like being "pro-BFing" is exactly why you are, politely, called BF warrior.

No one is AGAINST BF, no one is coming to tell you that kids SHOULD NOT be BF.

Kids MUST be fed. By whatever means works best for their mum, and that's the end of it.

Some BF Warriors, to put it politely, refuse to accept that it's a choice and it has nothing to do with them what other women do.

SUPPORTING BF is offering help and support, and not trying to shame women, or play the "but I don't understand' violin.

@GCSister

Higher risk of cancer in life for the infant.
Higher risk of ovarian, uterine and breast cancer in the mother.

So there’s that for a start..

If a mother is EBF there is still plenty that the father can do. My husband did nighttime nappy changes, took the baby every morning for a 2 hour stretch in between feeds before work, and did all the housework and cooking for us all when my babies was tiny and breastfeeding was a round the clock commitment.

I've known some dads sulk because their partner is EBF and the dad thinks he can't "bond" with the baby as he can't give it a bottle. A friend of mine had this situation and her delightful mother in law was the one making this argument (ie it's selfish of my friend to breastfeed because then dad/granny don't get a chance to bond). Obviously changing, settling, bathing, walking baby around in the pram or sling, or supporting the mum and baby together by making sure the house is sorted out aren't good enough opportunities to bond. Funny that.

I've spent the last 4.5 years pregnant and/or breastfeeding, so obviously it did and does work for me and my babies. Not necessarily for the reasons I expected when I was first pregnant, though. For me, breastfeeding seems to have settled my hormones in a way they weren't before - I have PCOS and never had a regular cycle until my periods came back after DC1, and then I found getting pregnant with DC2 very easy. I also found it much more convenient than bottle feeding, after those first few months.

Every family is different though and if it's a choice between breastfeeding + depressed, resentful mum and formula + happy, well rested, loving mum then obviously formula wins.

😂😂😂

and what's your reason and excuse for being such a judgmental busybody?

It is completely up to you and perfectly acceptable not to breastfeed.

with my first child it was incredibly hard at first but then after a couple of months was easy and way more convenient than needing to make bottles. The only hassle after was the pumping for when I wasn’t with my baby.

with my second child it has been easy from the start and yes it does take up time but I also save a lot of time not preparing and cleaning up bottles.

basically there are advantages and disadvantages to both breast and formula. You need to figure out what works best for you and it your decision alone.

However, whatever way you go here the support of your husband will be invaluable so don’t alienate him here and make sure that you bring him along on the feeding journey/decisions.

The irony .

I have bf both DS's and DS2 is still going at 20 months DS1 stopped at 21 months.

Honestly OP it's your body, yes breast is best and aspects of breastmilk cannot be replicated in terms of antibodies, changes in environmental factors (e.g. hot weather) etc but formula milk feeds a baby perfectly well and is balanced from a nutrition side. BF should not come at a risk to the mother and their mental health!
It is perfectly OK to switch and that definitely doesn't make you a bad mother! Your baby needs a healthy mother and that includes mental health if it's making you miserable then switch.

Well he’s not wrong.

If it works well, it’s so much better (for many reasons) and convenient. It has stuff in it to help send your baby to sleep. It adjusts to your baby’s state of health. It has so much more to it than formula feeding.

Also, you never have to worry about formula shortages like there have been, especially like in the USA. That would be terrifying.

I bottle fed both mine, didn't try breastfeeding as I didn't want to. Two happy healthy children 😊 A happy mum is good for baby so do what you want to!

"My goodness"

No idea why that tickled me so much! 🤣🤣

On a serious note, imagine having that poster as a mother or MIL?

My goodness indeed 👀

How incredibly naive and judgemental! Be careful not to topple off that high and mighty ivory tower of yours!

Gosh, the misogyny.

Your baby is fine, the OP’s baby will be fine.

Your body couldn’t BF, the OP doesn’t want to. They are equally valid reasons not to BF.

You chose to put yourself through agony to try and BF, it’s a perfectly fine choice, that does not make you a better or worse mother than anyone else.

I didn’t say they are the same and clearly acknowledged the superiority of breastmilk but formula is an extremely close second. When you factor in other things too that gap gets even smaller. If breastmilk is 100% the best then formula is 98% if you add things like probiotics to formula for gut health and fully vaccinate for immunity then I’d say that makes it even closer to 100%

Haven’t RTFT but wanted to add that in terms of what’s easier/more convenient/less taxing: if you breastfeed and your baby doesn’t take a bottle (neither of mine did) then it’s all on you and that really can be draining. I would have got pretty fed up with all the washing/sterilising/getting to the right temperature/carrying all the gear everywhere that goes with formula feeding, but I did find having a task that I had to do relentlessly, unpredictably and immediately, that I could never even once ask someone else to do for me, pretty tricky too. I think that aspect of breastfeeding - the possibility that you may never get a break from it because no-one can do it for you - gets underplayed when people talk about convenience.

I can't help thinking that half the time these threads are created to start a bun fight. Why not decide how you want to keep your baby alive from one day to the next and just - oh I dunno - get on with it?