aibu to not breastfeed just beacuse i dont want to?

[lunalovegrooove]

I understand breast is best, but I don't want to do it.
I feel pressure and the implication that I am a bad mother. I think I have the right to choose, and that the medical establishment doesn't expect something this taxing from men in society.

Am I a bad mother?

Exactly.

That's how bodily autonomy works. It doesn't suddenly disappear when a woman becomes a mother.

I did it for both mine for six months, honestly if I had my time again I would think long and hard about doing it beyond a month. I mistakenly thought a baby would breast feed then you could feed them again in four hours, I was so naive and never even considered the hours and hours of ten minute feeds every hour, stopping me doing anything or going anyway without constantly “topping up”. The pumping in between, the mastitis and enormous blue breasts that ached and flooded at inconvenient times.

you do whatever works for you.

edited to add- it was a lot bloody cheaper though!

I didn't want to breast feed at all, the thought of it freaked me out. Bought all the equipment, took no notice of any classes/advice. Was determined to bottle feed.

Then my mum, who bottle fed me but breast fed my younger brother just said to me give it a try, it's worth trying. That resonated with me, just give it a go.

I ended up breast feeding both until they were 9 months. Maybe as I wasn't so set on it as other mums there was less pressure which helped me succeed.

What I'm trying to say is don't rule anything out. Keep your mind open. I'm really glad I did. X

It's attitudes like this that make new mums feel so bloody guilty! I'm glad I didn't listen to shit like this when I had my second.

Do you always do 100% what's best for your child? They've never had anything less than wholesome, organic, homemade unprocessed food?

Breastfeeding,when for whatever reason, makes you incredibly low and upset, in pain, whatever, is not doing your best for your baby! Formula feeding your baby and being in a positive mental state is doing what's best for your baby!

I think the main thing is to be informed of the potential risks of not breastfeeding - increased risk of SIDs, ear infections etc. so that you can weigh it up and make an informed choice about the pros and cons for you. If it's a case of fed or not fed, of course fed is best. But physiologically, formula and breastmilk do not have the same effects on a baby.

I think that tiny babies deserve breast milk.
I also think it's every mother's right to choose, and that the baby's right to breast milk doesn't override it's mother's right to bodily autonomy.

End of the day, most people do not give a shit how you feed your baby, as long as the baby is fed and not screaming.

Absolutely your choice. I am just interested when you say not a comfortable experience? I don't think this is always the case. I breastfed both of mine, and never had even a moments discomfort, I gather this is unusual but for me it was so easy going out etc and it saved a lot of money for us. You must do what makes you comfortable and happy.

Why should I have to justify my reason for not wanting to BF to anybody, least of all a random on the internet? MYOB.

I didn’t even bother with breastfeeding my second. I simply didn’t want too and that was that

I absolutely hated breastfeeding: the sensation, stripping on request for a howling baby, the effect it had on my nipples. I struggled for 8 weeks (with PND), then bizarrely ended up with cellulitis from an insect bite on my leg, the GP told me I needed very strong antibiotics and that this would likely be the end of my breastfeeding. It gave me the out I so desperately wanted…

YANBU. I had c sections AND formula fed, so I suppose I “skived off” two essential parts of womanhood 😂I have really
enjoyed having both my babies though and that’s the advice I would always give to
new mums- breast, formula, baby led weaning, pouches, baby classes, staying home all day in your pjs- none of it makes as much difference as your mindset and you will only get to experience this at most a handful of times in your life, so do it the way that makes YOU happiest.

Everyone fed and no one dead was my daily goal when dc were small!

No judgement from me. As long as you're actually feeding the baby something that is .

There's no control to compare with though, is there? You've not been damaged, but at the same time you didn't get the benefits.

Bugger. I always knew there was something standing between me and supermodel stardom with mensa status.

Yep, I did bf the 4th for 3 years and all of what you say is true

And a pp saying partners can help by just bringing the baby I'm for a feed then taking them away again seems totally pointless to me if I'm having to wake up anyway

@ActDottie

So what happens with breastfeeding is that your body produces milk according to the stimulation of the baby feeding.

Ie the more they suck the more your body produces. There are also changes in the amounts of fat/water/protein/immune support and so forth, dependent on thirst/growth spurts etc which is again related to sucking/feeding frequency but also the point you are post partum and biochemical communication between the baby and mother (not fully understood yet).

You have to be careful in the early days (<4m) because firstly your infant may not take the bottle you’ve pumped, and you aren’t producing enough to replace it quickly to deal with the screaming, hungry, child. Secondly by skipping feeds or pumping you can muck up the supply and demand scenario which can lead to dwindling supply or oversupply. Thirdly, your body does not care that you’re out in a nice restaurant and will continue to produce milk - so if you don’t feed the baby or use a hand pump to get rid of the milk you will have explodo tits/soaked top or will run the risk of developing mastitis.

If you have ever heard cows at a farmyard mooing because their udders are engorged and they are uncomfortable (akin to really needing a pee), that is the scenario. It is not that you “want” to feed the baby, it is that you NEED to feed the baby.

Post 4m pumping is easier but not every one is able to continue feeding baby and produce extra. Some are able to produce tonnes extra, some none, I managed a few ounces extra a day and froze them for DH etc to feed baby if I needed to go somewhere without baby. Invariably this leads to oversupply though. You will need a hand pump in your handbag it out without the baby. Stick a waterproof mattress protector on your shopping list for explodo tit night dramas that arise when pumping/weaning.

You don’t need to get the baps out if you don’t want to; there are mother and baby rooms most places and failing that disabled toilets. But mostly after a while you will get over yourself and just get on because after you have a baby and commence breastfeeding, all of your boundaries shift and being precious goes out the window.

@Sethos

Why bother having a child if you’re not willing to do what’s best for it”

Do you ever spend your money on make up? Or clothes for yourself ? Or drinks when out with your pals? Well that money technically would be best spent on your kids wouldn’t it? Why have kids if you’re not gonna do what’s best for them 100% of the time all the time?!

Because I simply didn’t want too? Whatever happened to ‘your body, your choice.’

It was too much stress when I tried breastfeeding my firstborn so I didn’t even try with my second. Research shows that breastmilk is best for babies for numerous reasons such as helping their immune system develop.

Guess what, babies still have a developed immune system without breastmilk. People act like the difference between breastfeeding and not is whether the child will have one arm or two.

Did you breastfeed your children then?

Can you explain why you feel the need to call someone a 'BF warrior', just because they are pro-BF'ing?

YANBU but I do think colostrum is incredibly important and if possible and medically able, should be given at the very least.

But keep the supposed increased “risks” in proportion. SIDS is very rare and using a dummy gives protection. Co sleeping increases risk. None of mine had a single ear infection so look at the stats if you’re that bothered without the scaremongering. My dd needed up in hospital from breast feeding. The downsides of breast feeding massively outweighed benefits and “ risks” of ffing.

I mix fed DS1 and EBF baby DS accidentally (I ended up doing it for 9 months, he just wouldn't entertain a bottle, even with my milk in).
Much easier with DS1. DH could share the nights, even when he went back to work after paternity it was split. Baby DS nearly broke me, although I did not miss the expense and faff of bottle feeding either.

Some women need to feel superior about the one thing they feel they 'got right'.

My cousin reduced our other cousin to tears because she said she didn't want to breastfeed.

She actually told her she was a bad mother who couldn't be bothered to put her child first and take care of his welfare and that she 'at least did the very best for her own children by breastfeeding'...blah blah blah.

Until someone pointed out that not only was she morbidly obese both before and during her pregnancies, but her kids are now also obese and still living in a house with a deadbeat stepdad whose never worked a day in his life but their mother won't leave him because she loves him, despite his drug taking 🙄

But hey, at least she gave them milk from her breasts so that should make up for it.

I understand what bodily autonomy means.
I also think that it's naive to not realise that becoming a mother does affect what choices most mothers make.

DH DGM was a health visitor and she would say if you can bf then great but a fed baby and a happy mum are best. The best thing for you is to do whatever you are happy with.

DH was born at 36 weeks and appeared to be latching on however he was constantly crying as if he was hungry. It turned out that he was lifting his tongue and so not latching properly and so not getting enough milk when trying to suck. It was DGM who first worked out what might be happening and suggested switching to bottle feeding. DH settled a lot after that and is now 41 years old, 5’11” and perfectly healthy.

YABVVVU unless there is a reason like sexual abuse history making bf triggering, or a lot of pressure at work. It's a natural mechanism to boost your own body's recovery and your baby's health. My goodness.