aibu to not breastfeed just beacuse i dont want to?

[lunalovegrooove]

I understand breast is best, but I don't want to do it.
I feel pressure and the implication that I am a bad mother. I think I have the right to choose, and that the medical establishment doesn't expect something this taxing from men in society.

Am I a bad mother?

I breastfed for years and personally found it more convenient that bottle feeding, but I also strongly believe that fed is best and a women has a right to choose what to do with her body.

>I'm fine

There's no control to compare with though, is there? You've not been damaged, but at the same time you didn't get the benefits.

With all due respect, it's possibly making no sense because you keep jumping in on conversations with other posters.

I didn't do it for either of mine and they are both happy, healthy and clever kids.

I tried for DC1, but I had issues with him latching at first that meant that when I'd finally sussed how to do it correctly, it was so unbelievably painful that I was in tears 30 seconds after starting.

When I finally gave up I was so much happier, I could share the night feeds with DP, which meant I was rested and more present with the baby. I don't do well with little sleep.
It also have DP a wonderful chance to bond and spend quality time with the baby, as he was working full time.

I couldn't breastfeed with DC2 at all, and that side of things was great from the beginning.
It just allowed more flexibility from us, allowed more support from others and just gave me a chance to be a better mum.

I will say though that just because it was painful for me doesn't mean that it would be painful or even uncomfortable for you, and in fact if you choose not to breastfeed you will go through a short period of being extremely uncomfortable while you still have your milk and you are waiting for it to dry up.
This was worse for me with DC2 because I didn't have the pain I had with DC1 to directly compare it to.

It is your choice, not theirs.

You can't be a good mum if you don't take care of yourself.

Never breastfed any of my babies, because I simply didn’t want to. No one ever pressured me or said anything. Your partner and mil are dicks to put that on you. It’s your body.

I’ve had three dc. One was exclusively breastfed, one completely formula fed (not even colostrum), the other was mixed fed (mostly breast milk, but some bottles from fairly early on). They are all now healthy adults and you wouldn’t know the difference (in fact, in any group of children / adults / young people it’s impossible to look and know who was fed what way!)
Fed is best and a healthy happy mum is so important for baby’s wellbeing. Plus, the WHO advice is taking into account those in countries without adequate clean water etc, where mixing formula is more dangerous.

No thanks.

I didn't want to, that's it.

Anything more is no one's business, especially since I don't think for a second that it's genuine. It's just a way to pile on those who don't want to breastfeed.

The BF warriors here.
Can you explain why ye think it's OK to make shit out of others choices?
Because everyone knows that a mother's mental health trumps everything.
Can you explain why you think it's OK to be so nasty.
I just don't get it.

Well its none of your bloody business and I doubt anyone cares if you understand or not but I didn't want to so I didn't. Older 2 are 28 and 20 now and it's not done them any harm

Why should they?

They don't have to. They own you or anyone no explanation or justification, and frankly, it's none of your business, who cares if you don't understand?

Let's not pretend it's as simple a choosing a bottle of milk over another one. It's nowhere near as simple as popping a boob out and letting the baby fed.

You have your opinion on what is the best start in life, they have their own.

Think some Dads like Mums to exclusively breastfeed as it can exclude them from helping with feeding, especially night feeds 😂

I wish that people would spend all that time and energy to fight for human and decent birth and post birth care for the mothers.

Communal wards, lack of midwives, lack of facilities, no help with recovery, no support for PND and medical issues. The UK should be ashamed of the way we treat mothers.

If you were that bothered of what is "best for baby" and "best for mothers", you would tackle that first.

@x2boys

You do see on a lot of these type of threads people saying there is no difference in the modes of feeding.

When obviously there is a huge difference between BF/FF.

There is also a difference between a mother being mentally well and not, if BF is going to cause psychological distress then, also obviously, it’s out.

My only gripe is the Mum’s who do it for purely selfish reasons - ie I remember being on the labour ward trying to feed and looked over to see the mother opposite had been smuggled in prosecco by her family and was getting straight down to it while granny fed the baby a bottle… it made me feel like, why when we’ve all been on an equal footing growing and birthing babies… do you get to skive off now?!

You are 2000% right about the lack of support for breast feeding mothers.

The lactation consultant was supposed to come help me first time round but never appeared. Meanwhile the NHS was handing out free formula on ward - if somebody wants to formula feed they should pay for it not have it on the nhs!!

The health visitors hadn’t breastfed or had no children so had absolutely no clue how to help me. Family members had all bottle fed so shunned me and thought of breast feeding as dirty and inconvenient to their “holiday” from work.

If I hadn’t found la leche meetings I would have thrown in the towel - as it stood all I needed was help with positioning and to stop using nipple ointment!! So easy, and then BF was great.

I don’t think anyone should be criticised for not BF, but there really does need to be a culture that this is as much a part of womanhood as periods and pregnancy. It is doable with support and understanding of how to do it. But unfortunately the support/information while there for periods/pregnancy doesn’t seem to be for BF.

Mine was the opposite, he was hoping I'd formula feed because he wanted to be able to share the feeds when possible.

You lost your argument when u accused the other mother of skiving off.

ANYONE who tries to tell you YABU is WRONG OP

plain and simple

end of

it’s your body , your choice

End of.

EBF doesn’t stop dad helping at night. What a silly comment

We did split shifts (7pm - 1am and 1am - 7am) and on DH’s time with her he would bring baby in when she needed feeding and take her away again to settle/wind/change so we both got good chunks of sleep.

Coming home from work and sitting feeding the baby was one of his greatest pleasures in life. Now they are all in their 20s and in robust health, he still talks of it. The peace and connection it brought him.

Breastfed DS and hated it so didn’t bother for my next and both kids absolutely fine. FF one isn’t some germ infested unloved degenerate or whatever it is we have to worry about if we FF babies instead of BF.

I do find that whatever keeps me happy and relaxed (within reason) tends to keep my children that way too. So doing what is best for you is probably what is best for your baby.

@IslandsInTheSunshine

can you really not see why some women wouldn’t want to do it?

it tying - you can’t be away from baby at all, it’s harder to share feeds with your partner, can be painful, can impede you getting sense of bodily autonomy back, etc etc etc

'My body, my choice' is all you need to know.

We're living in the first world in 2023 with a perfectly adequate water supply.

There is no reason for a woman to force herself to breastfeed if she doesn't want to.

@lunalovegrooove
there’s more to being a good mother than breast feeding op.

I ebf both my dc, however that was my choice. FF is your choice.
I have friends and relatives who ff because they didn’t like the thought of bf.
If you’re feeling pressured then just firmly state your preference.

@Warum

well yes. They do only get access when it suits the women. Hence why breastfeeding is a CHOICE - it’s up to their mother cos it’s HER body, not the baby’s

There is very little difference between breast milk and formula in the first world.

The WHO recommend exclusive BF for six months based on 3rd world countries where babies don’t have access to adequate drinking water or the financial ability to make up the formula adequately thus meaning it is often more diluted in contaminated not sterilised water and puts the baby at greater risk of health problems. Also in countries where HIV is more prevalent babies are at greater risk if they are mix fed.

In the UK where we have access to sterilised drinking water and decent formula these health differences are negligible.

Of all the people I know with children with allergies, by far the majority were bf. It’s anegdotal of course, but there is very little evidence to support the benefits of BF in this country.

As for the people telling the OP that most women find it an easy comfortable experience, so all those threads where women are sleep deprived because they have to bf every hour for the first three months, and where they are told that bf is relentless and hard are just not true then? No thought not.

OP, bf is such a tiny portion of a baby’s life. Nobody can tell the difference between a bf baby and a formula fed one by the time they reach about three years old.

So ignore the guilt trippers and do what works. For you and your baby.

Your body your choice, and I say that as someone who's still feeding an almost 2 year old. Honestly, I don't see that there's much difference between formula and breastfed babies.