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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Asked a mum where she got her kids coat from. Mine turns up in the same one. Aitah?

321 replies

Sophie1029734 · 20/10/2023 09:03

Hi all so they are in nursery. I saw a little girl in their class with a gorges coat on, I asked where it was from and she tells me. Its not a known site, quite a unique coat and stands out a lot. Anyway I got it for lo with no intention of my little girl wearing it to school, was just when we went shopping etc as I didn't want to take the light away from something she found.

I've been telling my little girl it's broke or dirty which is why she can't wear it to school. We were in a rush this morning and I turn round and she has put it on and trying to zip it up, saying she wants to be the same and look like a ballerina too. I pretended I couldn't zip it up and that it was broken then said let's put this one on instead. She just started to cry and refused to take it off, I was already late as it is and couldn't keep fighting her with it so we just left and I took her to school with it on.

The whole way I felt so guilty and sad like I stole something, I felt so wrong for it.

I won't put it on her again for school, I'll hide it from now on unless we go anywhere else but to the school.

But I'm so nervous, I didn't see the woman this morning at drop off but I may at pick up. I feel so guilty omg.

OP posts:
SmileyClare · 20/10/2023 11:42

TLDRfuckers · 20/10/2023 11:37

to answer your question… the first sentence of the OPs post tells you!

Show quote history

Fair point! It seemed odd to then refer to it as “school” for the rest of the post.

I know some parents refer to reception/yr 1 as nursery school. A moot point really but I was wondering what sort of age the dd was.

listsandbudgets · 20/10/2023 11:47

If I was the other mum I'd take it as a compliment to my taste. I bet they look really sweet together wearing the same coat .

Themerrygoround · 20/10/2023 11:48

Can we see the coat ?

WeWereInParis · 20/10/2023 11:54

I didn't want to take the light away from something she found.

A child's coat? I think she'd be weird for caring about this at all.

SmileyClare · 20/10/2023 11:56

I saw one in Next- pale quilted, gathered at waist with a full peplum skirt and furry collar and cuffs.

My dc had daily outdoor play and a mud kitchen at nursery so that sort of coat would have been hopeless.

I would have said “Not for nursery” for reasons of impracticality!

hwaclanhdead · 20/10/2023 12:05

SmileyClare · 20/10/2023 11:42

Fair point! It seemed odd to then refer to it as “school” for the rest of the post.

I know some parents refer to reception/yr 1 as nursery school. A moot point really but I was wondering what sort of age the dd was.

Show quote history

She's probably in a nursery class at a school which is why she keeps referring to going to school if the nursery is in the school as opposed to being a stand alone nursery.
The child is probably 3.

hwaclanhdead · 20/10/2023 12:07

Stop lying to your child!
The coat is not "broken" or "dirty".
If you didn't want her to wear it to nursery because the other child had the same coat first you could have said to her that the coat is a special coat to be kept for "best" - for special occasions, going to grandma's, whatever.

Don't over think it though. If you want to send her in to nursery in that coat just do it and make sure you put her name in it so it doesn't get muddled up with the other one.

WimbyAce · 20/10/2023 12:16

God let her wear it! Just because she bought it first she doesn't have the rights to the coat!

IncomingTraffic · 20/10/2023 12:18

oh dear. It’s a mass produced coat. Just because it doesn’t come from Asda doesn’t make it some unique thing that only one child can wear.

It doesn’t matter if all the wee girls are wearing the same coat (so long as they have their names on the labels!).

indiraq · 20/10/2023 12:21

Did you say where it was from, OP?

Just let her wear it. Nobody will care, honestly.

IncompleteSenten · 20/10/2023 12:22

Glad you've changed your mind.

One point though that I think you need to consider. You say you are a people pleaser, hate conflict, etc but you have no problem at all upsetting your daughter. I find that is very common with people pleasers (I was one). The people you are closest to and who you should prioritise are the ones you chuck under a bus in order to please people who really shouldn't be more important than your loved ones.

It took me a long time to even realise that's what I was doing and even longer to change myself but it is so worth it and I recommend you do your best to change too. X

ColleenDonaghy · 20/10/2023 12:29

SmileyClare · 20/10/2023 11:42

Fair point! It seemed odd to then refer to it as “school” for the rest of the post.

I know some parents refer to reception/yr 1 as nursery school. A moot point really but I was wondering what sort of age the dd was.

Show quote history

Nursery school is the year before school, so before reception.

Greybluewhite · 20/10/2023 12:32

Wait until they get to school…there’s about 10 boys in DS class with the same coat or bag. Nobody cares!

Clairehea · 20/10/2023 12:36

Im new here and I think some comments are a bit harsh. You’re probably overthinking and its easily done. Now just to say its for best or weekends and try and do something that makes you happy, distract yourself with something nice and stop worrying. Hope you’re ok 😊

IncomingTraffic · 20/10/2023 12:40

There’s no need to even feel that it should be just a weekend coat.

The message that it really is just a coat and there is no need to worry about upsetting anyone over a 3 year old’s coat is important.

The OP can just give herself a break from
even considering this as an issue. Or try to!

Doteycat · 20/10/2023 12:45

Anyone could have turned up in this coat by chance anyway, i presume they sold more than one? No offence but nah, sod that, not somethng to be worried about. If the other mother did get miffed, then I would consider her off her nut tbh.

CHRIS003 · 20/10/2023 12:50

Some tips to make life easier for you

  1. Put the coat away where your daughter can't see it.
  2. Tell her it is too nice for school and she can wear it at weekends
  3. Put it down to your learning experience as a parent
landbeforegrime · 20/10/2023 12:54

yabu unless you share a link to the said coat.

SmileyClare · 20/10/2023 12:56

ColleenDonaghy · 20/10/2023 12:29

Nursery school is the year before school, so before reception.

Show quote history

I know.

My mil referred to the whole of my dc’s primary years at school as “nursery” for some reason. Just thought maybe others do that too. 🤣

It sounds quite unsuitable for nursery play- aren’t they outside getting mucky?
If it’s the sort of dress coat I’m thinking of.

This whole thread feels a bit unauthentic to me.

Anyway it’s been cleared up that the dd is about 3 yrs old.

3luckystars · 20/10/2023 12:57

Can you post a link to the coat?

Mamma2017 · 20/10/2023 13:02

First world problems!

You admired the coat. You asked where it’s from. She told you. You bought one.

End of story. I really don’t see the issue.

qazxc · 20/10/2023 13:04

Don't worry about it, but do label it though so it doesn't get mixed up with the other kids coat.
It will all be irrelevant in a few months anyway, as the season changes and kids grow out of their coats.

LittleMissLife · 20/10/2023 13:04

funinthesun19 · 20/10/2023 09:11

You care more about what that other mum thinks than what your dd thinks. It should be the other way around.

👏

Sartre · 20/10/2023 13:06

It is a bit awkward having the same coat as another child, I’m sure they’re labelled but it’s still very easy to get them mixed up at home time. That would be my only gripe really, not that you’d copied or whatever. I intentionally buy my DC obscure coats so they don’t get mixed up with other kids at nursery/school so it would be slightly annoying if someone else turned up with the same obscure coat. Hasn’t happened yet though.

Whattodo112222 · 20/10/2023 13:08

The only unreasonable thing you did was lie to your kid and insult her intelligence.
Just be honest.
This really isn't an issue.