to say mum or dad will need to take the day off

[lilyloleth]

I'm unwell at the moment. Suspect maybe covid. I'm very tired, feel nauseous, sore throat, blocked nose, coughing up suspicious looking stuff... blugh. Basically I feel like utter shit. I'm off work and have been since the start of the week. I can just about move from bed to the sofa and stay here most of the day apart from to drag myself to drop and pick up my toddler at nursery who so far seems to have avoided this plague!

DH is working until later on this evening. He has rang me this morning to say that older SS (12) is also now unwell and his mum was asking to drop him off here as she needs to go to work this afternoon.

I've said no unless DH is planning on coming home to look after him or his mum can take the day off.

Aibu saying either DH can come home or his mum can take the day off? DH is saying he can't come home and his mum is also saying she can't take the day off because they are understaffed.

I don't feel up to caring for myself let alone a sick child. And I may soon have a sick toddler to deal with too so need to rest whilst I can.

How I she unreasonable? It's not her child

yanbu for sure...

but I'm late to this thread and wanted to say hope you're ok OP

Well, I think step parents should 'come to the school play'. If you're going to do it properly, the biological parents of the children should be civilised enough to include the step parents too. Those are the families in which blending works, in my experience - the ones where the child/ren have both parents and both step parents (and any half siblings) at big events. That's how you should do it, if you're going to go down that route. The parents' feelings about one another should be secondary to what's best for the children.

Which, again, is why I wouldn't do it - I couldn't care, other than superficially, for anyone else's children. So I wouldn't inflict myself on any child as a step parent - I'd do too crap a job of it.

Yanbu. Your DH or ss DM need to look after ss. Hope you feeling better soon

I think you get two different step parent/children relationships and neither are wrong.

Both me and DH's ex wife's partner treat the children as family so do take on some care because we do love the children.

Or

There are stepparents that haven't much of a bond so choose to not want any care.

Neither are wrong.

I read this wrong as your son was ill and you were asking MIL to take day off and look after him. No you are not being unreasonable and husband should look after son or his Mum.

Get a grip. The op is ill and can’t look after a child who has two parents already. It’s not like she’s cackling all the way to Disneyland to spend his inheritance….

I don't think Step Mum should be put on but I have no idea why someone would be with a man with children from a previous relationship and not try and have a good relationship with the children.

Stepparent means ‘married to a parent of a child’. That’s it’s. Beyond that, what it entails varies from individual to individual, family to family.

Incidentally, not providing childcare isn’t in any way the same thing as not having anything to do with a stepchild.

‘good step parents are cringing at your shit’

Ok 🤷🏻‍♀️

It's possible to have a good relationship with stepchildren but also not be taken for granted when stepchild has 2 involved parents who are ultimately responsible for them.

OP is ill, she's unavailable. SS is 12, not 2, he is capable of staying at home alone and if they don't want him to, again, they are his parents so that's on them to sort out. Not to put it on ill OP.

I agree with you, @InterFactual. As said upthread, it's a reason I'd never have become a step parent. If you're going to do it, you have to do it properly.

How do you know she doesn’t have a good relationship with her dss?

Having a good relationship with him doesn’t = jumping every time the parents say jump.

She’s still allowed to use the word ‘no’, have boundaries and look after herself. On this occasion she is ill herself, so the answer is no.

It's not OP I'm really thinking about.

It's the stepmums who post that they don't really like their stepchildren.

Tough, they were there before you.

I say this as a stepmum & I only have a child with my DH.

Not being willing to assume a parental role and providing childcare isn’t the same thing as not liking stepchildren.

‘Tough, they were there before you’

again, that’s got fuck all to do with providing childcare or not

I'm not talking about becoming the Nanny or doing all the childcare but helping out sometimes without getting your knickers in a twist about being put on.

Sorry?

OP would be unreasonable to expect her husband to look after their child.

That’s a decision it’s up to the stepparent in question to make.

Either way, providing childcare isn’t a responsibility a stepparent is obliged to take on, and not doing so doesn’t mean they dislike their stepchild.

I have read several posts this week saying they didn't like their stepchildren and didn't like them being around. I find this a bit sad and not how I would like to live.

I enjoy spending time with mine. They are family.

Okay, but that doesn’t change the point that not providing childcare isn’t the same thing as not liking their stepchild.

Some stepparents who dislike their stepchild will provide childcare, and some stepparent that do like them, won’t.

No one said you shouldn’t, or that they weren’t.