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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Called aside in the office today...

530 replies

whatty · 17/10/2023 23:11

I work in London in a hub office (many businesses under common ownership using the same space) in a senior role (I am female in my 40s). It is a hot desking set up- sit where you like when you come in. Some areas in the office have music playing & some don't (some context!).

At the end of my day today, a senior male colleague (50s) from another business asked to have a word with me. I have met him a few times at sessions where the businesses have been collaborating/ doing leadership workshops. He didn't remember me, so introduced himself.

He then proceeded to tell me that as I had been on calls all day (11.30-6.30 with a short lunch break) that I had been distracting people around me, and "many" people (from his area of the business) had reached out to him mention that they had found me distracting. For info- I had a headset on, and was working with colleagues on budget documentation & talking to my team re: work they were tackling.

He recommended that I use a pod/ room in future if I was going to be on lots of calls. I questioned whether there was a policy re: working in silence/ being a silent space- and he admitted that it was just different approaches to working, and that the team he works in tends to avoid being on calls in the open plan. He then said he hoped that this conversation would be taken in the way in which it was intended. I was confused to be honest- so I said it wasn't clear how it was meant. But that I'd consider his feedback.

When we left the room where we had his conversation, it was clear that those from his business around me were all aware that I was being "pulled aside".

I was livid if I'm being honest- and upset too. I am really busy at work, have been doing long hours, and felt that he had no right to tell me what to do in a shared office space. I accept that I am tired and emotional though, so perhaps should just leave it and move on. However- I also feel like he wouldn't have had that conversation with me if I was male. And that I wouldn't be unreasonable to pull him aside/ talk to him when I next encounter him with some measured feedback of my own.

What do you think? Would I be unreasonable to stew on this- and think up some direct home truths? Or should I keep quiet in the office and on the feedback front. TIA for any guidance you can offer!

OP posts:
NotSuchASmugMarried · 17/10/2023 23:15

I don't think he did anything wrong sorry your calls were distracting your colleagues and he told you, in a professional manner. Who wants to listen to someone's voice for 6 hours ?

purplemunkey · 17/10/2023 23:16

Sorry, but I agree. I hate when people around me are on long calls or zoom meetings at their desk. Get a room or pod. If you were genuinely on calls all day this would have driven me mad. I always take myself off to a room for things like this.

FiddleLeaf · 17/10/2023 23:17

Sorry, I agree with him too. It’s very distracting and it sounds like he asked in a polite way.

SaryMhelley · 17/10/2023 23:18

I would have been driven to distraction having to listen to your calls. If pods are available why didn’t you use one?
I’d have been one of the people speaking to him tbh.
I think you need to take on board their complaints and make calls elsewhere in future and be considerate of other office users.

Notimeforaname · 17/10/2023 23:18

I work in the same kind of set up as you. We all find a different room or office when making phone calls.

thirdistheonewiththehairychest · 17/10/2023 23:18

I would not have been impressed if you had talked loudly on the phone all day when I was trying to work. If you had a headset on then yes you were probably being loud.

BettyPhuckzer · 17/10/2023 23:19

If we have calls to make which are going to be longer than a few minutes, we always book a private room. It's so we don't distract others in the office

PatriciaHolm · 17/10/2023 23:19

Are there pods set up for this you can use?

Obviously, other people's noise is one of the downsides of this type of working, but My company uses several offices like this and it's a general rule of thumb that if you are going to be talking for an extended period, you try use the pods. Having to listen to one side of a conversation all day is annoying, especially so when its unrelated to your business so it's not even as if it could be mildly helpful to overhear.

Hellocatshome · 17/10/2023 23:19

I think he handled it well. If course people will know you were being "pulled aside" because they had raised concerns to him and then seen him approach you. Not a big deal, take kn board the feedback and book a room next time you need to make calls all day. The music thing is a non issue, its totally different.t having background music to listening to one side of a conversation all day.

Fieldofbrokenpromises · 17/10/2023 23:19

Are you loud? I used to have to work near a woman who was on the phone all day who shouted so loudly I am not sure she needed the phone.

purplemunkey · 17/10/2023 23:19

Also, I don’t think it’s anything to do with male/female. I and others fed back similar to our dept lead and a general reminder went out for people to take themselves off to rooms if they are going to be in virtual meetings.

I think people got used to doing this while WFH alone and aren’t aware how distracting it can be when you’re back in an open plan environment.

GalileoHumpkins · 17/10/2023 23:19

He's right, I'm sure no one wanted to listen to you talking all day. Surely it's common sense to do that out of everyone else's earshot?

mynameiscalypso · 17/10/2023 23:20

We had an email round work about this recently. We are very strongly discouraged from doing anything other than a quick 5 minute call at our desks, even with headsets. It's changed a bit I think since pre-COVID when it wasn't unusual to be on the phone at your desk but it's definitely more frowned upon these days.

Electrictache · 17/10/2023 23:20

I also wouldn't take calls in the office all day. I'll do a short call but couple of minutes max but any longer and I'll go in a side room or wfh.

Notimeforaname · 17/10/2023 23:20

He recommended that I use a pod/ room in future if I was going to be on lots of calls.
This isn't exactly him "telling you what to do". He's making a suggestion because you are distracting them and don't seem to care.
He cant actually make you do anything.

LadyWithLapdog · 17/10/2023 23:20

Sorry, OP. It’s nothing to do with him being male and you female, but with you being inconsiderate towards others. I think people tend to grin and bear it so it must have been bloody annoying to go on 6h straight. I know you said you feel a bit emotional, so maybe time to let it go for a few days and ask for a private space in the future.

longestlurkerever · 17/10/2023 23:21

I suppose it depends on what alternatives there reasonably are. At my place we are actively encouraged to take calls at our desk because the pods are needed for private calls and rooms for when there are a significant number of people attending a hybrid meeting. It's far from ideal for anyone but calls for tolerance. If there are loads of pods etc then I think the general point is valid but your colleague sounds like he would benefit from a better manner and collegiate approach about use of the shared space.

Pestoandsun · 17/10/2023 23:22

Hmm as long as this isn’t a reverse…. Then of course you’re unreasonable, if you’re trying to concentrate on work would you really be fine listening to someone else’s conversations practically all day? Very inconsiderate

LadyBird1973 · 17/10/2023 23:23

Hmm, I think a shared office space means that everyone will sometimes hear things that irritate them. I don't know why he couldn't have just lightly mentioned that pod rooms are available and might be useful to you, earlier in the day, instead of making a big deal out of it. It's a bit pathetic that they've clearly all seethed and moaned all day, but none of them asked you earlier if you'd mind using an alternative room.

I'm combative by nature sometimes so I'd be inclined to ignore him and do what I wanted. Am assuming his team are never irritating?

mynameiscalypso · 17/10/2023 23:23

When I have a day full of calls, I almost always stay at home on those days too as it just seems more practical

TeenLifeMum · 17/10/2023 23:24

Our office is like this and if people are on constant calls it can be really distracting/annoying. I’ve been told off for being too loud before (when there were no meeting pods available so not entirely sure how they wanted me to chair a teams meeting). Some people are softly spoken but others (me included) are naturally louder and with headsets you don’t always have full awareness of how loud you are.

I’d accept the feedback and try to be more mindful in future. However, if the nature of your job is teams calls then either use a pod or try to soften your voice.

Ktime · 17/10/2023 23:24

If you’re on calls most of the day and others around you aren’t, and pods are available, of course you should use the pod. It doesn’t matter if you’re female or male.

I am really busy at work, have been doing long hours, and felt that he had no right to tell me what to do in a shared office space.

Did you perhaps want people around you to hear how busy you are?

And of course you have to be mindful of people in a shared office space. The key word is SHARED.

Moonwatcher1234 · 17/10/2023 23:25

Sorry but he’s absolutely right- it is just awful when someone drones on for hours in a shared space and is actually really inconsiderate. It’s hard for others to focus on their equally important and valid work. Next time book a room or pod.

Unicorn2022 · 17/10/2023 23:26

You would have driven me mental. Having to listen to the same voice all day, just one side of a conversation, and probably a loud voice too as I find that colleagues with headphones speak quite loudly. You should use a pod if you have a lot of calls. At work we will move to a pod every time we take a long call. It's nothing to do with you being female and everything to do with you being annoying and inconsiderable of others.

MsFogi · 17/10/2023 23:27

Oh dear OP unless everyone in the shared office makes lots of long calls in the shared area all day I think you ´au have just found out that you are ´That Person’ in the office! There’s always one - too loud or doing antisocial activities (like nose picking/nail clipping etc).