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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Called aside in the office today...

530 replies

whatty · 17/10/2023 23:11

I work in London in a hub office (many businesses under common ownership using the same space) in a senior role (I am female in my 40s). It is a hot desking set up- sit where you like when you come in. Some areas in the office have music playing & some don't (some context!).

At the end of my day today, a senior male colleague (50s) from another business asked to have a word with me. I have met him a few times at sessions where the businesses have been collaborating/ doing leadership workshops. He didn't remember me, so introduced himself.

He then proceeded to tell me that as I had been on calls all day (11.30-6.30 with a short lunch break) that I had been distracting people around me, and "many" people (from his area of the business) had reached out to him mention that they had found me distracting. For info- I had a headset on, and was working with colleagues on budget documentation & talking to my team re: work they were tackling.

He recommended that I use a pod/ room in future if I was going to be on lots of calls. I questioned whether there was a policy re: working in silence/ being a silent space- and he admitted that it was just different approaches to working, and that the team he works in tends to avoid being on calls in the open plan. He then said he hoped that this conversation would be taken in the way in which it was intended. I was confused to be honest- so I said it wasn't clear how it was meant. But that I'd consider his feedback.

When we left the room where we had his conversation, it was clear that those from his business around me were all aware that I was being "pulled aside".

I was livid if I'm being honest- and upset too. I am really busy at work, have been doing long hours, and felt that he had no right to tell me what to do in a shared office space. I accept that I am tired and emotional though, so perhaps should just leave it and move on. However- I also feel like he wouldn't have had that conversation with me if I was male. And that I wouldn't be unreasonable to pull him aside/ talk to him when I next encounter him with some measured feedback of my own.

What do you think? Would I be unreasonable to stew on this- and think up some direct home truths? Or should I keep quiet in the office and on the feedback front. TIA for any guidance you can offer!

OP posts:
bakedbrain · 18/10/2023 06:11

@getfreddynow she was using a headset. He didn't suggest she use a headset

Marchitectmummy · 18/10/2023 06:13

I think you have your answer, your inability to realise it could be distracting on your own is surprising.

In terms of wouldn't do this if you were male why not! If you have grounding to think that then fine but don't just throw around isns, overuse s a backstop undermines it.

tensmumllaf · 18/10/2023 06:16

Sorry OP I’m with the guy at work, we have exactly the same set up at work and it’s really distracting when this happens. The odd call is fine but all day would drive me insane.

Sallyh87 · 18/10/2023 06:18

I agree with him. Mostly, people don’t realise how loud they are when they are wearing headphones.

Get a room or work from home if you’re allowed. I don’t see any point in going into the office if you are just going to be on calls all day.

happylittlesloth · 18/10/2023 06:21

Use the pod

If you have an issue with the music then raise that

Dustybarn · 18/10/2023 06:21

YABU. In my open plan office it’s fine to take calls (even lasting an hour or two) and we do try to keep as quiet as possible but we have one very loud woman who can be on calls all day and she gets progressively more worked up and louder. She has zero EQ. The last time she got so loud everyone sitting near her packed up and moved to the other end of the office. She came and found us and asked if she had been a bit loud and we told her that her behavior was unacceptable. No one has really interacted with her again. Don’t let it get to that situation. Take the feedback and be more considerate.

whateveryouwantmetosay · 18/10/2023 06:23

I personally would go in the pod if it's going to be back to back calls and meetings all day. YABU.

Mummadeze · 18/10/2023 06:24

Agree with everyone else. Calls at desks are not the done thing.

Toptotoe · 18/10/2023 06:30

Sorry but I can’t see he has done anything wrong. It is very irritating in an office environment to have someone constantly on the phone. I can’t imagine you’d be very impressed if it was you on the other end of it. . .

Frasers · 18/10/2023 06:30

Measured feed back of your own, what on earth. You want to give a senior colleague negative feedback because you don’t wish to be told to take calls in a pod and not disturb everyone? Hopefully you feel better this morning and realise now unprofessional you’re being.

its nothing to do with being a woman, its everything to do with having no respect for your colleagues needs. Use a pod in future, not everyone needs to hear your calls.

Switcher · 18/10/2023 06:33

Hmm well I work for a US company so everyone is on calls all afternoon. We'd soon run out of pods if everyone had to do them elsewhere!

Conkersinautumn · 18/10/2023 06:34

Do you often struggle with being aware of the effect of what you're doing has on others? I'd say you're busy, but that's not an excuse to not 'read the room'.

Perfectlystill · 18/10/2023 06:34

I agree. I find it really distracting when people around me are on calls all day.

Bunnyhair · 18/10/2023 06:36

Why not just book a pod? I can’t bear it when people are on loud calls all day with no regard for anyone else trying to concentrate.

theduchessofspork · 18/10/2023 06:38

I think if you can use a pod you should

We use a couple of shared office spaces in my company and this comes up a a lot.

I’ve asked people to keep it down on occasion, and they’ve asked me / my team to do the same. Sometimes I’ve said sure / sorry - sometimes I’ve said nope, sorry this is a shared meeting space and we’re having a meeting.

Don’t take it personally, it’s just something that crops up.

theduchessofspork · 18/10/2023 06:40

Switcher · 18/10/2023 06:33

Hmm well I work for a US company so everyone is on calls all afternoon. We'd soon run out of pods if everyone had to do them elsewhere!

That’s different if it’s a noisy office and everyone is phone bashing all day.

From what the OP says there is mixed work going on in her office / lots of different companies so a lot of people are going to need to be concentrating on quiet work

BrightLightTonight · 18/10/2023 06:40

I agree with the rest, for long calls find an solo space and don’t distract colleagues. YABU

DitheringBlidiot · 18/10/2023 06:41

I think if you're going to be on calls all day you need to go to a room/pod/quiet area to do so. Sitting at your desk on calls all day is so distracting for those around you.

unlikelychump · 18/10/2023 06:41

Please never give "direct home truths" to anyone at work, whatever your role.

Welldone for not reacting to the guy today. A bit of perspective will come from this thread and all will be well. Smile and say morning next time and book a room for lots of calls.

Glassfullofdreams · 18/10/2023 06:42

You're being oversensitive. You were disrupting everyone nearly all day long.

I have no idea how you've managed to make it a sexism issue either, with the comment he wouldn't have said it if I was male! Male or female, you were being disruptive.

Accept it for what it is and move on.

Zanatdy · 18/10/2023 06:45

It’s a difficult one as we have a 40% office minimum and I’ve had to change the days I go in as some days I am on calls all day long. I know that’s distracting for others so I avoid going in on those days. Staff we have doing teams training we ask to stay at home 100% when training. So I get his point to be honest, and it seems he was very professional in saying it

letstrythatagain · 18/10/2023 06:47

So surprised at the responses here. People sit on calls in our office all the time. That's just the way it is these days with the mixture of wfh and office. If you were sat there on a personal call I could understand it but you were working. We never ask people to move into a prob to take a call. So strange!

GRex · 18/10/2023 06:47

Being on the phone all day is annoying, but he didn't handle it appropriately, it was not his place to tell you what to do. He should have spoken to the people who run the shared space, who could have asked you to move to a room. Those sitting near you also could have moved.

Brefugee · 18/10/2023 06:47

I agree with him. And good for him for listening to his team.
The odd short call? No issue. Constant calls? Go in a pod

NeverHadHaveHas · 18/10/2023 06:47

It’s so rude to be on a long call in an open plan office. I can’t believe you have got to a senior role in a business and don’t realise that? I have worked open plan for years and it’s widely accepted common courtesy to use a side office if you’re going to be on the phone all day and others aren’t.

It’s different if you’re dialling into a call and aren’t the main participant and only chime in every now and then, but if you’re doing a lot of the talking it could drive everyone around you insane.

It’s also selfish to use ‘I’m so busy’ as a justification to do as you please. Maybe the other workers were also very busy and were doing jobs that required concentration but were distracted all day by someone constantly talking? You were allowed to go about your busy day with no distractions - they weren’t.

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