Called aside in the office today...

[whatty]

I work in London in a hub office (many businesses under common ownership using the same space) in a senior role (I am female in my 40s). It is a hot desking set up- sit where you like when you come in. Some areas in the office have music playing & some don't (some context!).

At the end of my day today, a senior male colleague (50s) from another business asked to have a word with me. I have met him a few times at sessions where the businesses have been collaborating/ doing leadership workshops. He didn't remember me, so introduced himself.

He then proceeded to tell me that as I had been on calls all day (11.30-6.30 with a short lunch break) that I had been distracting people around me, and "many" people (from his area of the business) had reached out to him mention that they had found me distracting. For info- I had a headset on, and was working with colleagues on budget documentation & talking to my team re: work they were tackling.

He recommended that I use a pod/ room in future if I was going to be on lots of calls. I questioned whether there was a policy re: working in silence/ being a silent space- and he admitted that it was just different approaches to working, and that the team he works in tends to avoid being on calls in the open plan. He then said he hoped that this conversation would be taken in the way in which it was intended. I was confused to be honest- so I said it wasn't clear how it was meant. But that I'd consider his feedback.

When we left the room where we had his conversation, it was clear that those from his business around me were all aware that I was being "pulled aside".

I was livid if I'm being honest- and upset too. I am really busy at work, have been doing long hours, and felt that he had no right to tell me what to do in a shared office space. I accept that I am tired and emotional though, so perhaps should just leave it and move on. However- I also feel like he wouldn't have had that conversation with me if I was male. And that I wouldn't be unreasonable to pull him aside/ talk to him when I next encounter him with some measured feedback of my own.

What do you think? Would I be unreasonable to stew on this- and think up some direct home truths? Or should I keep quiet in the office and on the feedback front. TIA for any guidance you can offer!

I dont think this has anything to do with age or being male/female. He handled it well.

When I work in an open office I tend to take calls from a meeting room/pod - partially so I can concentrate, partially because the meeting may have an unexpected confidential element, but mainly because I don't want to be bothersome to other people.

I'll sometimes take a short, or mainly listening-call from my desk - but the general standard is to take long talking-calls from a pod. I'm sure many people find it hard to concentrate when other people's conversations are going on all day.

I don’t see the problem. I work in an open plan office and there’s always a buzz of work conversation. I definitely prefer that to awful music chosen by some rando.
Id also be annoyed about the ‘way it was intended’ comment - I mean, if the intention was for him to look like a dick, mission accomplished.

I work in an open plan office off a busy Workshop and if I've organised a client call or management monthly review then I will book a meeting room so there is no outside noise. However, if someone else has booked a project update meeting over Teams with no option of attending in person then I have to sit at my desk and speak when required. That's surely common sense and outwith your control. Everyone in our office is respectful of each others roles and what our jobs entail.

This

Have some consideration for others.

I was on a train late last night and while there was plenty of low-level chatter there was one young woman whose voice carried from 20 seats away. I heard every single word she wittered. Annoying as hell. YABU.

I work in a hot desk space, calls from desk are fine, as long as it's not on speaker phone - but we will tell people if they're being too loud. There are pods, a dining area where typically people aren't working, and a basement floor that's not used much.

I'm fairly quietly spoken, but when I had huge padded headphones, a couple of people asked me to be a bit quieter - I've switched to really light in ear ones now, problem solved.
I think when you're wearing big headphones, there's more of a tendency to increase your own volume.

🤔🤔She's just doing her job... I don't think I'd give much of a if someone was on calls all day. The person opposite me has been on for an hour before..if they had a break then went back on don't think I'd care.

If there are pods/suitable spaces, they surely would be the logical choice if you are speaking on multiple calls?

I would have been very distracted by constant talking.

He's told you this in an honest and straightforward manner to make working conditions better for a bunch of people.

Sorry OP, you were inconsiderate by having calls all day and not thinking that there are other people around you who didn’t need to be hearing you talk all day long.

It’s nothing to do with him being an older male at all, as much as you want it to be.

❄❄❄🙂

I agree also!

Having worked in a shared space, hot-desking, I would find what he said pretty accurate usually and think he's dealt with it reasonably. It's really upsetting when someone comes in, puts headphones on and talks for ages. They are often loud and have no idea how much disruption they cause to those working quietly. I hated it and am very glad to be working in a more traditional environment where I have my own office in a suite of offices used by our team with a separate meeting room for bigger meetings and an admin/research/IT support team. It is efficient and quite properly private and confidential and busy but because we can close doors, quiet when necessary.

He was right.

I don't doubt that his team were struggling while listening to you.

https://www.smithsonianmag.com/smart-news/hearing-just-one-half-of-a-conversation-is-really-really-annoying-2657804/

and felt that he had no right to tell me what to do in a shared office space.

This sounds like you're a shared space means I can do what I like (and so can everyone else?) versus shared space means everyone being mindful of others' needs and preferences as well as our own. It's a fundamental difference in attitude, which will show up elsewhere in life too.

That said, I'm sympathetic to how idiotic modern working practices are. If your entire day comprises phone calls, then you need a private work space. Else your presence is just noise pollution for everyone seated around you.

I would alter your behaviour at the hub; and lobby your manager for a private office, whether pod or at home.

Have some consideration for those around you.

Make you calls and meetings from a pod or meeting room

Take him to task he is a chauvinistic arse.

For all the I would be distracted delicate flowers. Get a life. That is jobs in offices. You will be distracted by anything others around you do regardless of what it is.

Manage yourself and your expectations not others. This is the same situation as if you told a woman it was her fault for being wolf whistled because she is wearing a short skirt!

The reason it was obvious to the others that you been pulled aside was because you'd drawn attention to yourself by being irritating for seven hours.

I think he handled it quite well. Better a quiet word, than an email to your manager.

Depends how loud you are.

You need to take this one on the chin I'm afraid!

I work in a large open plan area and we don't have the option to retreat to a private space for calls.

Most of us therefore keep our voices pretty low and even to disturb our neighbours as little as possible.

Some people, though, are full of their own importance and have loud, animated conversations that float above the ambient hum and distract everyone in a huge radius.

I suspect you're part of the latter group, OP.

I think he handled it well and I’m also pretty sure that he wouldn’t have enjoyed doing it. It would’ve been an awkward conversation for him. It wasn’t personal and he had no intention of causing distress imo.

Don’t play tit-for-tat. He has done nothing wrong.

It is annoying when people you’ve worked with behave as if they’ve never met you though.

Seven hours of loud, one sided budget planning would be fucking annoying, regardless of the gender of either party.

Clearly OP wasn't managing herself, which is why the situation arose.

If he’s from another business in the wider group, he isn’t your colleague. You could have just told him “If you don’t like it, complain to the building management”. But you didn’t. You want to tell him “home truths”. Newsflash - he doesn’t give a shit.

Just crack on with your job and let him get on with his, without the “Waaaahhh! The big man was nasty to me!” routine. Rather pathetic from someone who claims to be senior.

I am sorry OP but you are unreasonable. If you are in meetings on phone for the whole day why don’t you use pod? What is the advantage of sitting in open space if you don’t talk to people and distract them with your meeting.
fyi, I am a female in senior role in London office. I always use the pod/focus room for my meetings and when people don’t around me I do ask them why they don’t do it. I understand taking a quick call at your desk but taking full day meeting is just inconsiderate to others, nothing to do with you being male or female.