Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Called aside in the office today...

530 replies

whatty · 17/10/2023 23:11

I work in London in a hub office (many businesses under common ownership using the same space) in a senior role (I am female in my 40s). It is a hot desking set up- sit where you like when you come in. Some areas in the office have music playing & some don't (some context!).

At the end of my day today, a senior male colleague (50s) from another business asked to have a word with me. I have met him a few times at sessions where the businesses have been collaborating/ doing leadership workshops. He didn't remember me, so introduced himself.

He then proceeded to tell me that as I had been on calls all day (11.30-6.30 with a short lunch break) that I had been distracting people around me, and "many" people (from his area of the business) had reached out to him mention that they had found me distracting. For info- I had a headset on, and was working with colleagues on budget documentation & talking to my team re: work they were tackling.

He recommended that I use a pod/ room in future if I was going to be on lots of calls. I questioned whether there was a policy re: working in silence/ being a silent space- and he admitted that it was just different approaches to working, and that the team he works in tends to avoid being on calls in the open plan. He then said he hoped that this conversation would be taken in the way in which it was intended. I was confused to be honest- so I said it wasn't clear how it was meant. But that I'd consider his feedback.

When we left the room where we had his conversation, it was clear that those from his business around me were all aware that I was being "pulled aside".

I was livid if I'm being honest- and upset too. I am really busy at work, have been doing long hours, and felt that he had no right to tell me what to do in a shared office space. I accept that I am tired and emotional though, so perhaps should just leave it and move on. However- I also feel like he wouldn't have had that conversation with me if I was male. And that I wouldn't be unreasonable to pull him aside/ talk to him when I next encounter him with some measured feedback of my own.

What do you think? Would I be unreasonable to stew on this- and think up some direct home truths? Or should I keep quiet in the office and on the feedback front. TIA for any guidance you can offer!

OP posts:
GoldenSpangles · 18/10/2023 00:34

You wouldn't have done this in our office for a whole day. You'd have been told in no uncertain term likely in public to find somewhere else to have your call. In fact, you'd have been lucky it wasn't yelled from a far corner. Of course, we are New Zealanders so perhaps a bit more blunt. Everybody uses a headset to take the call and moves with laptop into a fast room.

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 18/10/2023 00:34

Take him to task he is a chauvinistic arse.

“Take him to task” 😆😆😆 This is hilarious.

Starseeking · 18/10/2023 00:34

It's surprising you hadn't worked out yourself that it would be annoying for everyone around you to have to listen to your calls for hours.

People wearing headsets always speak more loudly than they think they are, and it's extremely irritating in an open plan office. It's courteous to use pods for calls, where available.

It sounds like this man did the right thing, and you're only embarrassed because others were aware, however you know he was right. I'd take his advice if I were you.

Blowyourowntrumpet · 18/10/2023 00:35

I think YABU. Also, do you have anything to back up the feeling that he wouldn't have done this if you were male?

Yesyoucant · 18/10/2023 00:35

Sorry but YABU. We mostly WFH with odd days in the - mostly now very busy - office. Lots of meetings now on Teams, it's ok if you're attending part of larger meeting and not constantly talking/contributing. But if you were next to me talking for the whole afternoon I'd find it very distracting.

I need to chair meetings as one of the main roles of my job. If it's on Teams and I'm in the office then a break out room is booked. Someone chaired a meeting right next to me last week and was talking endlessly, I found it incredibly distracting and was quite irritated by the end: that was only about 45mins. I can totally understand where those that share the space are coming from.
..

Lovelyjubleee · 18/10/2023 00:37

Just use a pod, sounds like that is what they are there for?

Jurisprudense · 18/10/2023 00:38

@whatty What kind of an idiot waits for 7 hours before mentioning that it's an issue? If I were him, I'd have booked you a room (if one was available) and told you that his team needed to be able to concentrate.

hihelenhi · 18/10/2023 00:43

Sorry, a shared space means you have to be considerate of other people. It doesn't mean "I do whatever I want and everyone else has to put up with it."

Blackandwhitemakesgrey · 18/10/2023 00:53

You should have gone to a pod if you knew you were going to be on calls all day. That is what they are they for.
I'm unsure what being female or senior has to do with it.

Libertass · 18/10/2023 00:55

Open plan offices are hell. Everyone knows this. Which is why those unfortunate to have to work in one must be tactful & considerate to their co-workers, in the hope this would be reciprocated.

Having to sit within earshot of someone who is on calls all bloody day & oblivious to how loudly they are speaking because they are wearing headphones would drive me mad. If private areas are available for taking calls, it is ill-mannered & inconsiderate not to use them.

It sounds like the manager who felt he had to speak to you about the level of annoyance you were causing handled a difficult situation as well as he could. Your over reaction suggests that you are not just selfish & inconsiderate, but also immature & petulant.

hihelenhi · 18/10/2023 00:59

TBF, it totally depends on the work environment you're in, but hot-desking is tricky, because you may well end up in one that is a quieter area than you're used to. I used to work in a dept where our jobs entailed us all having to be on the phone quite a bit. Our next door dept had to focus and do quiet work. We disturbed them. Genuinely. Expecting them to 'put up with it' was unreasonable and impacted their work, but we also had to do what we had to do.

It's a logistical matter re: office planning. You don't put the people doing quiet work next to those who have to be on the phone. When you're hot-desking it's you that has to make that decision and be aware of your environment. Now you know. He's not done anything wrong, he's been professional in telling you.

QueSyrahSyrah · 18/10/2023 01:10

It's a logistical matter re: office planning. You don't put the people doing quiet work next to those who have to be on the phone

This. Our customer service team who are on the phone all day are in a different part of the office to accounts, systems and marketing who are often heads-down involved in things that require full concentration. Years ago we had a smaller office for a while with everyone together and it just didn't work for anyone.

OP I'm sorry to say he's right, 6 hours on calls must have driven those around you to distraction.

saraclara · 18/10/2023 01:11

It really bugs me when people pull the 'he's picking on me because I'm a woman' card.
Your ages (wtf?) and your sexes have not the slightest bearing on this interaction. He had a chat with you about it because he's the senior person that his colleagues complained to, and you're the person they complained about.

The person in our office who was on the receiving end of the same chat was a woman of around 50. The person giving the chat...also female, and in her 30s.
Stop making excuses.

Woollymonster · 18/10/2023 01:12

Agree with others, it’s nothing to do with being male/female.
Open plan offices are very difficult to work in.

readbooksdrinktea · 18/10/2023 01:18

They must have been losing their minds. You should have found a pod. He's right.

InSpainTheRain · 18/10/2023 01:26

I think he sounds fair and reasonable. It's awful if you get stuck to someone on calls all day. It's hard to concentrate. You need to wfh if allowed or book a room.

WandaWonder · 18/10/2023 01:29

Why is the sex of the people involved in the situation relevant?

You are not trying to pull the 'I am woman no one tells me what to do' card?

Kinneddar · 18/10/2023 01:29

However- I also feel like he wouldn't have had that conversation with me if I was male

🙄 oh for goodness sake of course he would. He's a manager responding to complaints from other members of staff.

Canisaysomething · 18/10/2023 01:31

You were on calls all day in an open plan office space!? I would have had a word by lunchtime that you need to move to a meeting room or pod. So incredibly selfish and disrespectful to others trying to work.

sunnyseed · 18/10/2023 01:34

This is one of the many reasons why I prefer wfh to being in the office.

Hadjab · 18/10/2023 01:36

Unfortunately that’s what comes with open -plan offices and hot desking. People are going to make noise and people are going to get annoyed. We have to do two days a week in the office - there are 2000 odd staff in our building and only 20 meeting rooms and 30 pods. The booking system is a mess, and you often find yourself booted out of a meeting in the middle of a call because priority is given to staff having meetings with 3 or more people.

TheCatterall · 18/10/2023 02:05

I’m self employed and hot desk a lot to get out of the house. If I’m. Doing lots of calls or on lots of video calls/webinars etc - I’m in a pod or somewhere out the way because I’m considerate that those around me might find it really distracting and I wouldn’t like it if I was the one having to listen to it all.

to me it’s akin to those folks who decide to have a full on and lengthy conversation on speaker phone on trains/in cafes etc. it makes me feel stabby.

imagine coming out the house and paying to hot desk to avoid the noisy neighbours, screaming kids etc and just have to listen to someone yabbering all day….

LaurieStrode · 18/10/2023 02:08

NotSuchASmugMarried · 17/10/2023 23:15

I don't think he did anything wrong sorry your calls were distracting your colleagues and he told you, in a professional manner. Who wants to listen to someone's voice for 6 hours ?

This. If private pods are available why didn't you use one?!

TenaciousTortoise · 18/10/2023 02:28

Given that you’re mixed businesses and you’re working in budgets, I’d have thought there was an element of confidentiality which needs to be considered here too.

Sugargliderwombat · 18/10/2023 02:28

Its so weird you'd rather sit in a room with others while on call all day. Why would you rather be with them than in a quiet space with noone listening in ?