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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Called aside in the office today...

530 replies

whatty · 17/10/2023 23:11

I work in London in a hub office (many businesses under common ownership using the same space) in a senior role (I am female in my 40s). It is a hot desking set up- sit where you like when you come in. Some areas in the office have music playing & some don't (some context!).

At the end of my day today, a senior male colleague (50s) from another business asked to have a word with me. I have met him a few times at sessions where the businesses have been collaborating/ doing leadership workshops. He didn't remember me, so introduced himself.

He then proceeded to tell me that as I had been on calls all day (11.30-6.30 with a short lunch break) that I had been distracting people around me, and "many" people (from his area of the business) had reached out to him mention that they had found me distracting. For info- I had a headset on, and was working with colleagues on budget documentation & talking to my team re: work they were tackling.

He recommended that I use a pod/ room in future if I was going to be on lots of calls. I questioned whether there was a policy re: working in silence/ being a silent space- and he admitted that it was just different approaches to working, and that the team he works in tends to avoid being on calls in the open plan. He then said he hoped that this conversation would be taken in the way in which it was intended. I was confused to be honest- so I said it wasn't clear how it was meant. But that I'd consider his feedback.

When we left the room where we had his conversation, it was clear that those from his business around me were all aware that I was being "pulled aside".

I was livid if I'm being honest- and upset too. I am really busy at work, have been doing long hours, and felt that he had no right to tell me what to do in a shared office space. I accept that I am tired and emotional though, so perhaps should just leave it and move on. However- I also feel like he wouldn't have had that conversation with me if I was male. And that I wouldn't be unreasonable to pull him aside/ talk to him when I next encounter him with some measured feedback of my own.

What do you think? Would I be unreasonable to stew on this- and think up some direct home truths? Or should I keep quiet in the office and on the feedback front. TIA for any guidance you can offer!

OP posts:
ThreeLeggedParrot · 18/10/2023 02:42

The kindest way would have been a general email reminder to all staff, directing them to use a pod if on the phone.

however I think it’s fair for him to have a conversation with you on behalf of colleagues. I suspect staff found it difficult to focus on work but were to awkward to make the request themselves. Don’t take it to heart. Maybe take some chocolates in tomorrow and book a pod to talk in.

MaisyAndTallulah · 18/10/2023 03:10

I always think it's good when people actually do something to solve problems rather than just whinge about it so in that respect he did well on behalf of his colleagues. However, given the set up, I think it might have been preferable if he'd approached your company's lead and made a general request about calls being taken in other rooms rather than single you out.

At my workplace, we are informed on our first day that calls should be taken in pods/spaces away from quiet working, and people are not shy to remind others to do so when they persist in taking calls at their desk. Some people seem unaware of how loud and distracting they are on a call.

AliceOlive · 18/10/2023 03:15

That’s what they get for not providing offices to people who need them.

VeronicasCloset · 18/10/2023 03:21

He’s right and he’s tried to deal with it sensitively. You possibly aren’t aware of the impact you’re having if you’re on the phone constantly. It’s grating to hear someone’s voice constantly.

tamade · 18/10/2023 03:25

you are being oversensitive and entitled

user1492757084 · 18/10/2023 03:34

I'm on the side of your polite informer. I don't see it as a man/woman thing at all.
Pods were invented for a reason. There is the distraction issue and also fairness for your business associates on the other end of your calls who should expect some privacy.

My niece was working from home in the same room as her flat mate during Covid. Her friend was loudly co-ordinating her office and building works from her online calls etc. My niece suffered from not being able to think properly and she ended up taking headache tablets and begging (and being allowed to) to live with her grandparents in the country and work from their conservatory. She was lucky as she had to keep up her city rent and her grandparents charged nothing. That was for a short period of time but your situation is ongoing so I agree that a pod would be best.

Oblomov23 · 18/10/2023 03:36

Listening to you would drive me nutty.
But you firstly need to report this to your boss, and find out what the rules are for the hub office where you work. Then make a decision on whether you are going to acknowledge and act on his concerns or just ignore them!

Isthisexpected · 18/10/2023 03:40

If pods are available then I'm with him too. Your voice must really grate after a couple of calls.

givemeasunnyday · 18/10/2023 03:46

I'm sorry but I agree with him. People being on the phone all the time is distracting, and you can't help but hear them. You also have no idea whether or not he would have said the same to a male staff member. YABU.

fiorentina · 18/10/2023 03:54

In our office we don’t have sufficient pods or rooms for everyone to take all calls privately, they are kept for confidential meetings, so your behaviour would be perfectly acceptable and normal. If I want total peace I work from home..

ElleCapitaine · 18/10/2023 04:10

You sat on calls in an open plan office when you could have been using a pod? Why would you do that? Do you think people wanted to sit listening to you talking all day? YABVVU.

Commonhousewitch · 18/10/2023 04:19

Post covid i think a lot of people are more sensitive to what was normal office noise - and at the same time i think are more used to being in their own space and not having to consider others.
Having worked in open plan office for years i now find it distracting when others are on calls and try to find a pod if i know i'm going to be on a long call - i'm more conscious of being overheard but also aware that i'm quite loud!

I think you just have to be aware of and sensitive to others

daisychain01 · 18/10/2023 04:35

longestlurkerever · 17/10/2023 23:31

Again - genuinely - what is the alternative if that's your job though?

Absolutely. It's really difficult if there are no spare offices for individuals to plonk themselves for the entire day. That same bloke would probably knock on the door and tell the OP they were hogging an office all day and that it was meant to be for multiple people to hold meetings - some of those can be even more noisy once you get a few people together.

@whatty although that man had a point it sounded like you were doing your best and probably made you feel like you were being "ticked off". It's very hard to project your voice and intonation on a headset when you're trying to keep your voice down.

Coyoacan · 18/10/2023 04:43

You never did explain why you didn't use a pod. If no pod were available, he was being unreasonable.

CrazyHamsterLady · 18/10/2023 04:50

YABU. It’s so hard to concentrate when someone is on constant Teams calls. You should have booked a private space.

liann34 · 18/10/2023 04:53

I think he handled this in the only way he could tbh. I couldn't work with someone talking all day.

HoppingPavlova · 18/10/2023 05:03

However- I also feel like he wouldn't have had that conversation with me if I was male. And that I wouldn't be unreasonable to pull him aside/ talk to him when I next encounter him with some measured feedback of my own

Now you are making things up. I would think he would have done the same thing if you were male. Or, we’re there other men around also on the phone in an open working space on the phone for the period of time you were and they were not spoken to?

We don’t have shared office space, all one org but it is hot desk and we do have a policy that if you have a call for longer than a few mins at most you need to go to a pod or grab/book a room. Because it’s annoying as shit for everyone else, definitely no similarity to a background radio whatsoever. I’m also surprised this is allowed in space shared with other companies purely from an organisational confidentiality point of view. Just because the shared workspace doesn’t have ‘a policy’ doesn’t mean common sense goes out the window for goodness sake.

Antst · 18/10/2023 05:06

I don't understand why you're digging in your heels after being told that what you were doing was a problem. You shouldn't have had to have been told and you should have been nothing but apologetic when told.

Escapetofrance · 18/10/2023 05:07

I don’t understand why you’re livid about this? It makes sense to go somewhere quiet so you’re not distracting other people. I don’t think he meant any harm by asking you to do that.

DarkWingDuck · 18/10/2023 05:26

Sorry but I agree with the other person. That would be very distracting for me also. They spoke to you professionally about it. Don’t overthink it, it’s helpful feedback not a significant criticism.

SheerLucks · 18/10/2023 05:30

He's right - you need to make your calls in a separate room (with the door shut).

He would have advised exactly the same to a man. I'm wondering though that because you're a woman, maybe he used politeness that made it seem more formal and serious than it was.

rwalker · 18/10/2023 05:32

For the life of me I can’t see what the guy has done wrong
in a shared space you need to be considerate
asking for the policy about silence wasn’t your best move
just makes you look like an inconsiderate entitled twat as in “ I can and I will regardless of other people”

getfreddynow · 18/10/2023 05:36

To the ‘combative’ person who’d ignore any such requests, how can people ever engage with you? and why work I nshared space if you cannot compromise or adapt?

OP you said he suggested you to use a headset. Was this because you were on teams/zoom calls so everyone could hear both sides on conversation? All day?

you sound like you’re over complicating the issue that you made too much noise. The clue is that many people shared the same view at your workplace and on here. Majority rule in these situations. Take the feedback. Be more humble if you are so lacking in sensitivity to have seen what is obvious to so many others in the first place.

ImCamembertTheBigCheese · 18/10/2023 05:43

Sorry OP but YABU. Constantly on calls in an open plan office is annoying for colleagues nearby due to the noise. Book a meeting room or move to another suitable space.

I do not think your colleague was out of order pulling you up on this. You clearly have not clocked how you are impacting others. Be glad he has made you aware. I have a lovely colleague but he has constant meetings at his desk and it is hard to work as his voice carries. I have to listen to music to be able to concentrate.

bakedbrain · 18/10/2023 06:10

People are thinking of typical offices.

Usually in coworking spaces, rooms or pods are an additional hundred or few hundred £ per use. There are many people on calls all day long in open plan coworking spaces in London. There are also many people having pair or team discussions/conversations – as I'm sure his team does through the day as well, unless they literally work in silo all day long.

I don't love it but it's fairly common. It's fine as long as they're not being obnoxiously loud (and even then loads of people are obnoxiously loud).

If any member is flouting policy or etiquette, usually it's down to the coworking management to remind or enforce.

I think just shift away from where his team works to somewhere relatively noisier. Remember also to turn the mic input volume (you should be using a headset) all the way up so you can speak softly, and (as you'll be in a slightly noisier area) turn the background noise cancelling option on to the max in Zoom/the app.