To think 2 x full-time parents and no family support is quite unusual?

[bluepurpleangel]

I have read a lot of threads on MN recently where juggling life, work, childcare etc with both parents working full time and no family support seems to be the norm.

Is this really a reflection of real life? Thinking of people I know with younger children (say primary age or younger), I don’t think I know many two-parent families at all in this situation. In the vast majority of cases at least one parent works part-time and I also know quite a lot of families with a SAH parent.

Of those families where both parents work full time, they usually have some grandparent support with childcare or school pick ups etc.

Just seems a really sharp contrast to the situations I seem to read about on MN. Are my circles unusual or do others also find that 2 x FT working parents juggling everything on their own is quite rare?

I’m 4 days, partner FT. Most of my friends are similar. Ie almost FT. I know 3 SAHP. Family support varies. We have none, I don’t personally know anyone who has lots. How do we manage? With difficulty! We have twice weekly cleaners, and I feel most of my time is spent doing stuff, very little down time. I’m thinking of getting a live in au pair but not sure I want to sacrifice pricacy

me and my exH did this when we were together, and now I do it as a lone parent. No family support.

That sounds really hard for these people. I have Mil/Fil and SIL/Bil within 5 minutes walk and SIL and I pick each other’s kids up. I work part time only. This was all planned out before I became pregnant (I’m a Londoner and we moved out of London to live near his family).

I would hate to have other non family people who probably don’t share our values bringing up my children. The answer isn’t necessarily more childcare it’s why are we in a place where both parents need to work full time to survive

That's our set up. We rely on paid childcare to work and haven't had an evening or overnight out together since our almost 5yo was born., except the night I was in hospital giving birth to DS. My mum arrived to watch DD a few hours before I went into labour (I think my body was holding on!), I was in and out of hospital in about ten hours. If she hadn't arrived when she did our next door neighbours had said they'd watch DD.

But we are unusual in our circle. Others either have family nearby or family who will visit to take care of the kids, or they can leave their kids with family who live away, even if just occasionally.

Two FT parents here with wrap around school care. No family

We both work full time. Grandparents visit every few months and we might get a night out but no day to day help. Use wrap around school clubs

Only 1 child, DD is 4 in class 1 at school. Both full time working parents - no family support week in week out. A few times a year MIL or my sister will have her overnight at a weekend.

We both work FT. No family support whatsoever. Ever.

I don’t know any families where both parents work full time and don’t have significant family help! Even a grandparent who will pick up from school occasionally or do overnights is significant.

I’m a SAHM as we have NO family help and with my husbands work there’s no way I could work full time right now and be able to take my children to their appts, nursery and clubs. I was raised by a single mother and my grandmother did 90% of bringing us up as my mother HAD to work. We would have not filed without my grandmothers heavy involvement.

A lot of people have answered the thread saying “yes I am in this situation” but just to be clear I didn’t say that there is nobody at all like this! Just that where I am it seems unusual, compared to MN where it seems very common. Probably the way I worded the thread title!

Anyway it’s been an interesting thread and thanks for taking the time to answer 😊

Just realised from this thread that I don’t know a single couple that works FT with kids, even with family support. All are either SAHP or PT.

I will add- once my children are older as in both school aged, I do plan on returning to work! It just wasn’t feasible for us to both work full time and have young children. But then it depends on the work doesn’t it! If my husband did a 9-5 or fixed hours and could also be off when absolutely needed that would be way easier than having a forces husband like I have or a husband who is a nurse/Dr/fireman etc.

I actually don't know anyone in your situation. Everyone we know (us included) both work full time. Family support varies. For us it's 0. We have a 3 and 1 year old

I was on £28k, DH on £21k when I went back to work when DD was 9months old.

Nursery was £43 a day so it was just under £1000 a month for nursery till the term after she turned 3 yrs old when the funded hours kicked in.

It was hard, we ate cheap food, didnt go out and didn't buy much that wasn't essential.

But by going back I was able to progress my career, so by the time the funded hours kicked in I was on about £35k and our costs decreased so we were instantly a lot better off.

When DD started at school, breakfast club was £1 a day, after school £10 a day so £55 a week and by then I was on about £50k. Now DD is 9yo, i WFH so pick her up at end of school and she comes straight home and entertains herself for an hour till DH finishes work. I've continued to progress so now on £95k and we have no childcare costs during term time. We do use holiday clubs as don't have enough AL to cover all the school holidays.

Think it depends on the kids ages right? So may be more sah or part time until kids start school, then dependence on after school clubs etc

No one I know (in London). Most have one or both working part time. Many don't have family helping much, but they struggle hugely as a result.

I do not have gp help as my mum is 64 and still working ft and will be for another few years! This must be more common now are retirement age rises, I would be interested to know how many people are like me though and getting childcare paid though UC when if the retirement age was lower I would have a gp available to provide childcare. Childcare bill is massive over the schools hols and a big chunk of mine is paid by uc.

Despite the amount of childcare paid for by UC I would be able to take on a much better paid job if my mum was retired as I would have a lot more flexibility. Where I live the latest I can get paid childcare is 5pm so I’ve had to give up my well paid job and now do a shit self employed job which means I have to claim UC to survive.

It’s VERY unusual for us too OP. Husband is forces and so nearly all the mothers of young children I know stay at home or do part time as we live away from family and have to be the main support parent. The ones who work are part time with older children and VERY supportive bosses.

I think this is key!

I'm a single mom with no family help.

Most of my friends both work and have aging parents. They are taking care of them versus grandparents helping.

What is your situation?

I’m TTC and we’ll both me full time working with no family support. We both only have 1 parent, mine works full time shift work, and my DH’s isn’t suitable to look after children.

I think it will be slightly unusual, but I do know of others who haven’t purely because they don’t live near their parents.

Both full time and no family support here. I know a few like me and some not. I don't think people who have family support realise how lucky they are and how much £££ family save you in nursery and wraparound care, covering child sick days etc. also family support means you might actually get to occasionally have a break and go out in the evening or have a day with a friend or partner. I don't have a family so I also have no one to seek advice or support from , no parent figure who looks out for me.

So to all you others out there working full time and then coming home and caring for all the rest of the time, I see you and salute you!!!! It's bloody hard and lovely x

This. We lived outside our home country for 25 years, started our careers and had a child in a different country to both our set of parents. As , to be honest, did a significant proportion of people we know. Everyone in a couple has two careers, most have a child. So absolutely no norm of parental help. To be honest, I find the idea that this is in any way unusual quite odd. The only times I encounter people who live close to family, it’s on here.

my ex and I both worked full time (him overseas too) and no family support. I had a serious health issue to tackle too. We got through (or rather I did!)

OBVIOUSLY I meant lonely not lovely ffs