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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think 2 x full-time parents and no family support is quite unusual?

384 replies

bluepurpleangel · 17/10/2023 18:47

I have read a lot of threads on MN recently where juggling life, work, childcare etc with both parents working full time and no family support seems to be the norm.

Is this really a reflection of real life? Thinking of people I know with younger children (say primary age or younger), I don’t think I know many two-parent families at all in this situation. In the vast majority of cases at least one parent works part-time and I also know quite a lot of families with a SAH parent.

Of those families where both parents work full time, they usually have some grandparent support with childcare or school pick ups etc.

Just seems a really sharp contrast to the situations I seem to read about on MN. Are my circles unusual or do others also find that 2 x FT working parents juggling everything on their own is quite rare?

OP posts:
Original poster
bluepurpleangel · 17/10/2023 18:55

I haven’t said anything about my own situation 😉

OP posts:
Aozora13 · 17/10/2023 18:55

Yep pretty common in my world - professionals who moved to London for their careers, family live in another part of the country/world and property is so flipping expensive and careers so hard won that both parents work full time and rely on paid childcare.

CyberCritical · 17/10/2023 18:55

We both work full time as does DHs mum, his dad and both my parents are dead so we only have 1 living grandparent and no other family to provide support.

It is what it is, and I doubt it's as rare as you think it is

BHRK · 17/10/2023 18:55

Yep, this is our situation and the norm for
many of our friends. We manage an, before anyone says it, our kids are thriving and loved!

Bumply · 17/10/2023 18:56

I'd say it was the norm with people I worked with.

My ex and I were FT no family support before we split up and then I was single parent FT with no support except ex having them every other weekend.

Friends I know outside of work are a mix of 1 partner either SAH or part time and some like me.

caffeine99 · 17/10/2023 18:56

Two parents working full time here with 2 primary school aged children and no day to day family support.

My parents live and hour away and will help in an emergency. This wasn't always possible when children were younger as my mother was a carer for my grandmother.

Our in-laws live locally but don't provide any support. Both children have full time wraparound care for afterschools and holidays.

Where I live this is not the norm as most families seem to have grandparents close by who provide support with drop off/collections etc. I definitely think location impacts this a bit as others have said (e.g. probably more common to have 2 parents working full time in London than other areas due to cost of living)

NoIncomeTaxNoVAT · 17/10/2023 18:56

Rumplestrumpet · 17/10/2023 18:51

In London most of my professional friends and colleagues had no family nearby. Most worked full time. I don't think many can afford to live in the city otherwise

This.^^

We are in London and everyone bar one family we know are the same. Grandparents are all on the other side / end of the country etc or in some cases have already passed away. Whereas everyone I know with kids in my hometown has lots of family support. I think it very much depends on whereabouts you live and whether you moved away for work / uni.

TheFeistyFeminist · 17/10/2023 18:57

When daughter was little we both worked full time. My parents too elderly for childcare and husband's parents at the other end of the country.

Babysitting was an occasional treat from a sibling, or a niece, or a friend. Very rare.

febbabies2023 · 17/10/2023 18:57

This will be us when I return to work after baby2
My mum died a few years ago and the rest of my family are about 3 hours away. MIL and FIL are about an hour away too so both kids will be full time nursey and then wraparound care when in school. SIL is closer so will help out occasionally but she has her own 3 kids and is in uni so not always possible.
No village here I'm afraid!

Fionaville · 17/10/2023 18:58

Its harsh isn't it? It shocks me to see so many people/couples doing it all totally alone. I don't know any other parents who are in the situation. Everyone seems to have a grandparent or sibling etc who can step in for pick ups or whatnot. But then the majority of mum's I know either work PT or have flexible jobs and haven't moved far from their home town, so still have a family support network close by.

geminiflanagan · 17/10/2023 18:58

Both full time and no support. My parents are 2 hours away, his are local but both terminally ill and unable to help.

His work is not flexible in the slightest - restricted leave periods, no flexibility for taking short lunch for an early finish every now and then or anything like that. We live quite close to school and my work so I am able to do drop off and make it to work by 9, but we rely on afterschool club. My work is luckily more flexible and I can do a pick up at 4.30 but then work a lot of hours in the evening and at weekends.

TheKeatingFive · 17/10/2023 18:58

That describes most families I know

HansBanans · 17/10/2023 18:59

This will be us when I go back to work after maternity leave

YerAWizardHarry · 17/10/2023 18:59

Myself and DP both work full time. Never had any grandparent support as we had our children young and our parents still work full time themselves (my own grandma actually still works!)

theduchessofspork · 17/10/2023 18:59

Lots of people I know are 2 c FT and no family support

pointythings · 17/10/2023 18:59

Very normal in my circle, and was the same when my two were little (they're adults now).

megletthesecond · 17/10/2023 18:59

Yanbu. All my friends and colleagues, except one couple, have either had one parent working part time for several years or local family as back up during the primary years.

Miamisun · 17/10/2023 19:00

I dropped down to part time as we have no family support. I take my hats to two full time parents with no family support. I am super lucky this was an option for us.

I have found most of my friends have some
family support, it varies but most will do regular pick ups / drop off. Which enables them to stay full time or condense their hours.

I haven’t found that many people are in our situation with no family support….que the green envy eyes over here!

Christmassatsumaboobs · 17/10/2023 19:00

JustAMinutePleass · 17/10/2023 18:53

Most of the people I know have no gp help as they’re dead, too old or unwell. Both parents work and pay for all the care they needed.

Yes! In my circle the GPs have died while grandchildren are young.

(Grandparents have had their children in their 40s and so they aren't around now for the grandchildren)

This could be what happens to me and my children when they have families of their own!

Fact of life I guess. Quite a sad one at that!

Yepop · 17/10/2023 19:00

With how expensive everything is there's more and more families with both parents working full-time and no family support at all.
We are in the same boat.

ZenNudist · 17/10/2023 19:01

We work near enough FT (I'm supposed to be 4 days but do about 50 hours a week including non work day and weekend). No family nearby and DH working away 2-3 days ofthe week. Dc 9 and 13. No paid help.

DressDilemma · 17/10/2023 19:04

Both work full time in fairly demanding jobs that involve lengthy commute and frequent travel. Our families live on another continent. Zero family support. We are managing somehow but it puts a lot of pressure on us, our health and marriage. Zero time for hobbies and gym. We have financial commitments and are unable to go part time.

littlegreydevil · 17/10/2023 19:04

We both work FT in senior management roles and both our families live abroad. We have zero support and it’s a constant juggle. In our friendship circle, that is the norm (ok, families not abroad but definitely in further parts of the country). And I genuinely don’t know many SAHP, can’t think of any on the top of my head.

FloofCloud · 17/10/2023 19:05

It's us too. Many friends, like is, moved away from home to go to university and often didn't go home to live after, so often live away from family support

mynameiscalypso · 17/10/2023 19:06

We live in London and there are a few SAHP on my son's class but the vast majority are working parents. There's a lot of reliance on breakfast club/after school club and a lot of nannies and childminders too. I do the school pick up two days a week and it's rare to see any other parents doing it.

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