To find school expectations infuriating for working parents?

[JustARegularPoster]

I'm not very well, so I might be being overly sensitive, but my children's school is driving me bonkers with their expectations that parents can drop everything to attend events in the middle of the day.

Are all schools like this?

I know there is probably no answer to this, but the repeated reminders and the "we strongly recommend that all parents make every effort to attend", just makes me feel awful when I can't attend due to... well... working. I only work PT as well, so if something falls on my day off then I will obviously attend, it must be even more of a nightmare for parents that work FT.

The latest of these is an event at 1:45pm on a day I work - and for this one they got my oldest child to hand-write me an invitation, which he'd very carefully coloured in. And he brought him home and very earnestly asked me if I could attend, which I really can't. I thought getting the children to write invites for their parents seemed particularly unfair - and school must surely realise that a lot of parents work and won't be able to make it.

FWIW I do what I can to attend, even if I am working - I take holiday, ask to WFH if possible, or make time up.... but honestly my employers good will only goes so far and I've reached the point now where I'm out of holiday and don't feel like I can ask yet again.

What does everyone else do?

Ours had grandparents day.
Three of my kids grandparents had died within the year.

That's odd. I went to primary school in the 1980s and we had loads of events, trips, meetings where parents were invited. My mum was a single parent who worked full time so could never attend. I survived.
Your comment about these things being held during the day so that staff don't need childcare is just daft (and bitchy). They are held during the day because representing your class, presenting to an audience, involving the local community etc are all areas covered by the curriculum and schools are obliged to do them.
With regards to other comments on short notice, we publish an annual calendar on the website, send an email version, send termly newsletters and event reminders via Twitter and Seesaw and text messages. Guess what? Parents still message the night before asking, 'Is such and such happening tomorrow? Nobody told me.'
And of course with all that communication, Mumsnetters will complain that the school is bombarding them with too many messages!
🙄

But it's not "Everyone MUST Bring a Grandparent to School Day"
It's not obligatory. It's a nice idea to allow children to welcome some of their family in to see their school, if they are able to.
Schools celebrate Christmas...not everyone celebrates Christmas. Children will often create cards for Mothers Day/ Fathers Day and not evey child will have a mother or father.
It's important for children to understand that there are similarities and differences in the world and not everyone has the same experiences as they do.

I have no idea why schools aren't pushing back on all this nonsense themselves.

How? Schools are judged by Ofsted on their performance, apparently including engagement with parents. If they fail to tick the boxes (however stupid they think sone of the boxes are), they will be judged on those failures. Schools don't get to push back on what is considered important by Ofsted.

My god i don't work due to severe mental health issues so can't hold down a job let alone commit to going to silly things the school feel I should go to. And as for the whole guilt tripping things from teachers and head teachers I'd tell them to bugger off too coz at the end of the day I guarantee that they don't attend ANY of their kids stuff as they work in a school unless their child/children attend the same school as they teach at and that's why I don't feel guilty.
The way I look at it is we are adults why should we put ourselves through guilt and anguish for something that the kid won't even remember when they are adults coz I don't remember what events at school my mum did or didn't attend and it's never affected me in fact I had a great childhood and was taken on lots of holidays and treated to loads of memory making things BECAUSE my mum and dad both worked and didn't have time to be fannying around with school fates etc

I think they get brownie points from Ofsted for parental involvement. I was a sahm for my dcs primary years and I found it absolutely incessant. I would be up at the school it felt like several times a week...phonics workshops, multi cultural parties, blah blah. On top of the constant dress up days, random requests to bring in items, etc I used to say sending them to school felt like a full time job. It must be a huge nightmare for working parents. It's ridiculous.

Im all for the events taking place, but it really is what is said to the parents (and children) that matters. Alot of parents holiday allowance is already entirely used up covering as much of the school holidays as possible (although we still pay lots for holiday clubs aswell). Many people dont live near family either (and I wouldn’t ask grandparents to drive for a couple of hours to watch for half an hour in the classroom mid week).

My children understand one of us can usually make the big things but the little things are generally a no. No school should be putting any pressure on parents and certainly not a hand made invite. I would contact the school to say how you felt and say that whilst you support them doing lots of lovely things for the kids, the way it is communicated to the parents and children needs changing.

Actually after the suicide of that poor headteacher in Reading some schools DID refuse to cooperate with Ofsted for a short while. It didn't last long, but it made a point. Ofsted isn't fit for purpose.

It's not the events being short notice that bother me, it's the short notice of cash! Form sent out on the Friday wanting £12 for the Monday. Same week they sent home drawings that we can put on mugs. Then school pics. All between 1st Oct till 12th Oct.

I've been off sick since July and money is very very tight so I can't just pay out nearly 40 quid in 2 weeks.

Luckily my friend gave me the £12 and the parent council is giving me longer to get the drawings.

We were also all guilt tripped into getting the kids to take in something for harvest for less fortunate families. Unfortunately my DD couldn't take anything as we are one of those families right now!

Yup our school is awful for this. We had a breath of fresh air whilst the head was on maternity leave, as the interim head was awesome, but now, everything is during the school day, with minimal notice. Because she has a young family. When her kids go to school, I honestly wish on her all the hell she puts us through.

For example, Harvest festival was at 10am, we were told the afternoon before. We of course needed to contribute a full box of food per family. Parents could attend but that wasn't made clear until 9.30am on the day.

Tomorrow is "wear something pink day". We were told about this on Monday, but it was only revealed to be an actual non uniform day with a £1 fee this evening. The original wording sounded like it was school uniform with a pink accessory, like the previous week's "wear something green day".

We no longer have parents evening, we have a drop in afternoon. So no individual slots, no privacy, in front of the whole class of children so you can't raise anything important with the teacher, plus have to deal with the teacher also needing to teach the kids at the same time. Bonkers. And instead of 10 teachers needing to work 1 evening, approx 200 parents need to take an afternoon off work.

Last summer they announced during the school day that ice creams would be available after school that day for 50p. Lovely, except mine go to after school care so I had no way to get the money to them.

I don't think it's the teachers, I think it's a combination of poor senior leadership and unrealistic Ofsted expectations.

For example, Harvest festival was at 10am, we were told the afternoon before. We of course needed to contribute a full box of food per family

No you didn't...they can say whatever they want but what are they actually going to do if you don't?

I understand the sentiment and lack of notice is unacceptable BUT how many men post on the male equivalent feeling guilty? How many of the people here have partners who are just too important doing their inflexible, much more important jobs?

It is absolutely poor SLTs in failing schools who are the worst. As I said upthread, I voted with my feet (or those of the DC) and moved from our old school as they were just so incredibly shite at anything that required forward thinking.

• sports day over four mornings for four different age combinations, starting at 9:45. School drop off was 8:45 🙄
• less than a week’s notice of open classroom events, requiring two afternoons off work. My DC has classrooms next to one another but there was no way I could have popped my head around the door of the other one. The head thought I was mad when I suggested this.
• less than two weeks’ notice of a residential trip that cost almost £200.
• No help at all with a leavers’ event. Wouldn’t even let us use the school hall. It was too much hassle to open up in the evening.

The list goes on. Shocking management, shocking board of governors and loads of children were pulled out last summer. Shame on those who gave the SLT their jobs in the first place. Absolutely would not fly in the private sector.

Parents complained quite a bit about this at my dc's school and now I think they got the message. They now tend to video most events, from nativity plays to 'how to support your child' and 'parents seminar' events and post a link.

That's bonkers!

Usually the leadership, not the teachers who organise these things.

Thing is, if they don’t meet one of the fisted crieteria, like engaging parents in activities, it’s another thing against them. Parents click on the questionnaire that they aren’t kept informed. And then the school ends up labelled as a failing school etc. The kids then lose good teachers and have stressed out staff, who then go off sick, and a run of supply teachers. The whole monitoring and inspection framework benefits no one, yet parents choose the schools based on foster, yet criticise schools when they have to jump hoops to meet orated criteria!

Oh my good lord! Are you serious? Is it any wonder the profession is in crisis…🤦🏻‍♀️😂🙄

Oh my good lord! Are you serious? Is it any wonder the profession is in crisis…🤦🏻‍♀️
It would not surprise me.
There was a thread on here recently where two teachers in the same year group were compared by a parent based on how nicely they decorated their classroom and who updates the edu-platform with photos and social media/blog style updates.

It goes without saying that a lot of people think social media, pretty classroom teacher must be better, and of course they should both be doing updates on the platform because it's only 10/15 minutes to do, they could do it on their lunch. 🤦‍♀️ There was a lot of common sense too thankfully.

Actually after the suicide of that poor headteacher in Reading some schools DID refuse to cooperate with Ofsted for a short while. It didn't last long, but it made a point. Ofsted isn't fit for purpose.

And the result of that point being made was...? Everybody already knew that Ofsted wasn't fit for purpose. Part of the problem is that the people who become headteachers in the current system are often cynical, box-ticking, self-aggrandising greasy-pole-climbers who spout management-speak and empty words and are only too glad to ignore problems with staff workload and children's actual needs. That kind of head - and there are many of them, eagerly recruiting identikit future successors to SLT - is not remotely interested in standing up to Ofsted.

I'm a teacher but luckily have a huge network of aunties/grandparents I can send. I'll feel very grateful for that.

They tried to but they did not succeed. Ofsted is still going strong with their mostly pointless focuses. They spout that they’re interested in wellbeing of staff but that’s bullshit. Often teachers aren’t honest with them in case it gives the school a bad rating as that will lead to an increase even more in workload and a further decline in wellbeing.

This thread has reinforced all of the reasons I left and I’ve never been happier.

Hi, I feel your pain. I always thought the same. School makes me feel guilty for having a job, they send invites and thank you messages for all parents who attend "stay and play " sessions and many other events wich happen during work times. Used to make me sad and angry. Now I just accepted that life is unfair
I work full time and struggle
Neighbour below me on benefits- free rent, goes to all school events, just got a brand new car, goes on two holiday a year. Benefit system is broken. Parents are punished for being in work 😥
Take care of yourself

Or just speak to the teacher first?