To comment on being ‘airbrushed’ out of girl weekend IG post

[Readytoplay]

Last weekend, my friend organised a ‘girls' weekend’ for her birthday. In attendance were me, friend’s GF, another friend of hers from school and 4 of her Uni mates (that I hadn’t met prior to this trip). Yesterday friend who organised the trip posted on IG some pictures of the trip and tagged everyone but me. I really want to comment something along the lines of ‘it’s almost like I wasn’t there’ but not sure if I should. I haven't literally been airbrushed from the pictures, but It feels like I have been airbrushed from the event itself.

For context, I am autistic and really struggle with feeling valued as a person, due to the stigma that being ND has especially when I was a teen. I am just really hurt as it is bringing up the scars from school of no one wanting to be associated with the ‘SEN girl’.

AIBU to put a sarky/PA comment: mostly because I want to project how I feel. But at the same I don’t want to be meet the stereotype of Autistic= difficult/confrontational.

YABU: don’t put a comment
YANBU: do put a comment.

i guess the reason you’re not tagged is because you don’t appear in any of the photos rather than deliberately leaving you out.

the reason for not being in any of the photos is more telling.. did you just happen not to be there when she was taking a photo? Are you camera shy and don’t like posing so friend didn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable? Maybe she didn’t like what she looked like in any photos with you in them or the photos of you weren’t particularly flattering?

if your friend is normally great then I would give her the benefit of the doubt here.

@Readytoplay

This is exactly how I’d feel too. But I wouldn’t post a comment. I think people are sometimes just a bit thoughtless - she probably just tagged who was in the photo. But it would bring on all my inner anxieties off - why am I left out, is this intentional?

I was shown a friend’s wedding album once - and there was not one photo of me in it, but lots of all the other people in our friendship group.
In my old age, I don’t do social media. I feel much better for it. I’ve also just started school runs with my SEN son. I’m just not going to get involved with social politics - or even try. If people engage with me - great, but I’m not going to involve myself in any social circles or groups. I find my anxiety levels are far better this way.

Exactly this!

Are you new here?? 99% of posts are 'trivial' compared to some; doesn't mean it's not a big deal to the OP

The OP is autistic - just because something isn’t a drama to you, it doesn’t mean others don’t experience something as very anxiety-provoking and upsetting. Being so dismissive really isn’t helpful.

I don't think you've been airbrushed out...why would she not tag you, it would make zero difference to her.

My first thought was that perhaps because you are autistic and are struggling a bit with your mental health, she thought you might not like the attention of being tagged in the photos as it often means random friends of friends can see your name and she thought that might unnerve you a bit.

Don't say anything.

She is in the photos- just not tagged

@bingobanjo I don’t think OP was in any of the photographs posted. Either way, it’s not really a biggie. If OP is that bothered, just post a pic that you’re both in and tag her in it.

I never tag people I don't know just because I don't know their circs- maybe they have a restraining order out against an X and don't like to put their whereabouts online, maybe they hate being in photos, maybe they skived off from work to be there! Tag yourself if you want to.

This would be ok

Thank you for your understanding. I really was anxious on going or not, but decided to go and whilst it was a lot of hard work emotionally, I had an enjoyable weekend and made an effort with the girls I didn’t know and I thought the atmosphere was good. I even subtly asked Anne on the way back how her friends found me because it’s not just you and I know a lot of people do find me eccentric to say the least, and Anne replied that they thought I was lovely. So, I was under the impression that the weekend was a success.

Be positive when writing something, people can see. Put, "Hi lovely to meet you all, can you please tag me in!"

Are you actually in any of the photos? If it was Instagram I would only tag the person who is actually in the photo, wouldn't occur to me to tag anyone who wasn't in the picture? So she might not be trying to purposely leave you out

Are you active on Instagram? As in posting and tagging and being tagged? Because I know people who don’t tag people and it just seems to be you get tagged if your also active otherwise it’s kinda forgotten that you are on that social media.

I barely tag anyone though.

Good answer

Is your profile set so you have to approve tags? Sometimes I don't get the notification asking me to approve.

just because something isn’t a drama to you, it doesn’t mean others don’t experience something as very anxiety-provoking and upsetting. Being so dismissive really isn’t helpful.

Although it could arguably be more helpful than backing up the idea that there's anything to be anxious or upset about here. How does that help?

Great, so don't spoil it by posting passive aggressive shit on Instagram.

Just point out to your mate that she forgot to tag you, and ask to be tagged in any other pics if she posts them.

You really seem determined to think the worst of your best friend.

Can you say what it is about her that makes you think she has a nasty streak?

Confronting your friend with a sarky comment isn't the way to project how you feel though.
Privately messaging her and saying you noticed you weren't tagged and now are feeling anxious that the weekend didn't go as well as you thought would be a lot more honest and upfront.

@Pinkdelight3 Being dismissive of somebody’s feelings isn’t helpful though is it?
Being empathetic to how someone is feeling doesn’t mean you’re over hyping the situation. It’s showing them you’re understanding how they feel.

It literally might not have been possible to tag you, it happens all the time when I’m trying to tags people. That are they left you out by mistake. I know it’s hard but you need to stop overthinking things, if you were there they wanted you there and you were and that is all that matters x

Starting a thread titled "being airbrushed out" meaning being REMOVED from photos

when it turns out it was just about not being tagged
is making drama, nothing to do with autism.

Failed "airbrushing out" attached.

The phrase airbrushed out was put in quotation marks - meaning it’s a theoretical airbrushing (as in not tagged),…..not that she had actually been airbrushed out.

Aw come on, it turns out she was using the term figuratively, must we really keep flaming her because people took it literally?

I mean, it’s almost like the tables have been turned - autistic people usually cop the flak for being too literal… 🙃

If looking after your mental health is your top priority, maybe not using these apps would be a better idea if they have such a consuming effect on you? I've never bothered with them and I'm pretty sure I haven't missed much.