Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To comment on being ‘airbrushed’ out of girl weekend IG post

301 replies

Readytoplay · 17/10/2023 12:31

Last weekend, my friend organised a ‘girls' weekend’ for her birthday. In attendance were me, friend’s GF, another friend of hers from school and 4 of her Uni mates (that I hadn’t met prior to this trip). Yesterday friend who organised the trip posted on IG some pictures of the trip and tagged everyone but me. I really want to comment something along the lines of ‘it’s almost like I wasn’t there’ but not sure if I should. I haven't literally been airbrushed from the pictures, but It feels like I have been airbrushed from the event itself.

For context, I am autistic and really struggle with feeling valued as a person, due to the stigma that being ND has especially when I was a teen. I am just really hurt as it is bringing up the scars from school of no one wanting to be associated with the ‘SEN girl’.

AIBU to put a sarky/PA comment: mostly because I want to project how I feel. But at the same I don’t want to be meet the stereotype of Autistic= difficult/confrontational.

YABU: don’t put a comment
YANBU: do put a comment.

OP posts:
Ducksinthebath · 17/10/2023 13:11

Readytoplay · 17/10/2023 13:08

Yes, in her words I am her ‘oldest and bestest friend’ and is definitely following me on all platforms.

Show quote history

So if it's your very best friend and she was perfectly happy to have you on the trip then surely it's just a simple oversight. If it makes you feel any better I didn't post any pictures of my DF from a recent friends night out because they were all at weird angles or bad timing and like most people if a picture is being posted she'd prefer it's a half decent one. Doesn't mean I was trying to "airbrush" her out of the event. I appreciate this is coming from a place of deep seated trauma but this is really making a mountain out of a molehill.

And definitely don't put a comment or you risk not being invited again or worse losing a friend.

Dairymilkandtea · 17/10/2023 13:12

Putting a comment won’t help but I completely understand why you are so hurt by this.

TheOccupier · 17/10/2023 13:12

Ooh, this happened in S3 of Real HouseWives Ultimate Girls Trip! Porsha didn't tag Leah and Candiace in her instagram posts and when Candiace confronted her, Porsha just said she doesn't like Leah and doesn't care! So be ready for that, I guess.

Edited for clarity and to add link:
https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=961900318174516

TheOutlaws · 17/10/2023 13:12

Bit of a long shot, but is there a chance you might have previously complained about being tagged on social media? (Not about her necessarily, just in general!). She might be trying to spare your feelings and getting it wrong. It’s hard to know, I guess.

caban · 17/10/2023 13:14

If I was bothered about not being tagged (I hate being tagged in photos though!) I'd DM my friend and say 'hey, you didn't tag me in the weekend photos!? 😂'

Echobelly · 17/10/2023 13:14

Honestly, I have never seen any good of anyone assuming bad intent of what is more likely a totally innocent error. Try to look at it this way, is it more likely she forgot/didn't know your IG etc, or that she thought 'I hate @Readytoplay I'll really upset her by not tagging her and then everyone will notice there's one person who isn't tagged and they'll know we don't really like her!' ?

I don't mean this in a sarcastic way, I mean seriously it can be helpful to consider which is more likely.

People sometimes fly off the handle because they fear they'll look silly and naive if they don't make it clear that they've perceived that something is a slight against them, but the vast majority of the time it isn't and then they make themselves look silly by overreacting and I have seen and heard about way too many fallouts that have happened for no good reason (eg 'She blanked me in the street' when someone just didn't notice you) than I have heard about people realising they had been silently mistreated and failed to notice it for too long.

Original poster
Readytoplay · 17/10/2023 13:14

No, I’ve known birthday girl since age 4, and we are ‘best friends’. It’s her Uni friends that I hadn’t met before but birthday girl, who I’ll now refer to as ‘Anne’, was the person who posted on IG.

OP posts:
Honeybee798 · 17/10/2023 13:14

she has probably just not realised that she hasn’t tagged you. I’ve done it myself and had it done to by people in my group of 8 friends. I think it’s highly unlikely that there is anything behind it if you are actually in the pictures themselves?

why don’t you just text and say “Hi Annie, I saw your IG post. Just wondering if there was a reason you hadn’t tagged me?”

caban · 17/10/2023 13:15

In friendships I find it's better to assume good intentions of people, rather than go straight to the worst interpretation.

ACynicalDad · 17/10/2023 13:15

That's not being airbrushed out.

WhateverMate · 17/10/2023 13:16

Readytoplay · 17/10/2023 13:14

No, I’ve known birthday girl since age 4, and we are ‘best friends’. It’s her Uni friends that I hadn’t met before but birthday girl, who I’ll now refer to as ‘Anne’, was the person who posted on IG.

Oh just bloody message her and point out her mistake will you! 😂

No need for all this drama.

JMSA · 17/10/2023 13:17

Oh, I thought you'd been missed out of all the photos, which would have been super hurtful!
The tagging thing really isn't so bad, OP. Hope you're ok x

DrinkingMyWaterMindingMyBiz · 17/10/2023 13:18

It‘s more than likely just because she didn’t look so great in the pics she took with you; less about you, more about her. Most people won’t post pictures on their own page if they’re bad pics, regardless of how everyone else in the picture looks.

kitsuneghost · 17/10/2023 13:19

No I wouldn't comment
If it is deliberate then they know they have done it and would just be taking the piss out of you behind your back at commenting

caban · 17/10/2023 13:19

Readytoplay · 17/10/2023 13:14

No, I’ve known birthday girl since age 4, and we are ‘best friends’. It’s her Uni friends that I hadn’t met before but birthday girl, who I’ll now refer to as ‘Anne’, was the person who posted on IG.

So is it more likely that your best friend since age 4 who you've just spent a lovely weekend with:
A - has suddenly turned into a bitch and wants to hurt and exclude you
or
B - accidentally didn't tag you in a photo

If you posted a photo and accidentally didn't tag your best friend, how would you like them to resolve it with you? Assume the best of you and gently point out the mistake/request a tag? Or make a snarky public comment suggesting you are a horrible person?

Meandermoanda · 17/10/2023 13:19

Please try not to stress over it but I do understand why it bothered you

Most likely thing is she did it in a rush, forgot, wasn't sure if you'd want to be tagged or a tech issue stopped the tag. The others girls night have requested the rags.

I don't think she means anything by it.

I'd just leave a message saying 'such a fun weekend' or something'.

I hope you had a fun time. Focus on remembering how good it was and try not to let this ruin that x

Pinkdelight3 · 17/10/2023 13:19

Sometimes I tag people as I'm typing and it makes the name appear twice so I have to delete it and the tag can disappear. It can even disappear sometimes if I don't leave two spaces after it, and if I'm trying to tag on my phone it's an absolute crapshoot - it can look like I've done it, but if I happen to check on another platform, the tag isn't there. This is a very common thing and infinitely more likely to be the case than any ill intent, especially from your best friend.

applesandmares · 17/10/2023 13:19

Did you feel left out during the trip or is it purely this issue with the tag on Instagram?Why not call your friend and speak to them rather than leave a snarky comment on a social media platform?

If it was me and I was upset by it, I'd probably text them and ask if there's any reason they left me off the tag/checking in that she isn't upset with me.

If you leave a snarky comment or act in an accusatory/confrontational way, be prepared for people to think you're overreacting because not many people would notice this let alone get worked up, although I appreciate there is back story to this for you.

SacAMain · 17/10/2023 13:19

someone should link this thread to to the one about banning kids from having phones.

The drama over nothing on social media

Meandermoanda · 17/10/2023 13:20

DrinkingMyWaterMindingMyBiz · 17/10/2023 13:18

It‘s more than likely just because she didn’t look so great in the pics she took with you; less about you, more about her. Most people won’t post pictures on their own page if they’re bad pics, regardless of how everyone else in the picture looks.

This sounds very likely!

bingobanjo · 17/10/2023 13:21

You’re overthinking it and that comment will create so much unnecessary drama. There’s loads of reasons you could not be tagged - maybe people have tagged themselves, maybe one of the other side friends did the tagging and was overthinking themselves if they should tag you too if they don’t know you, maybe a privacy setting issue depending on who did the tagging, maybe a random glitch, maybe you said something that made her think you don’t like how you look and wouldn’t want to be tagged, maybe the tag needs to be accepted first.

If you’re in the picture, people know you’re there. What difference would you being tagged or not make to her being somehow ashamed to be seen with you?

DeeKitch · 17/10/2023 13:21

Has she got you added on there, and does she know your IG? Might be that she didn't know whether to or not and I totally get where you're coming from RSD x

justplodding · 17/10/2023 13:21

Readytoplay · 17/10/2023 12:49

With respect did you read my full post. I have deep routed trauma because of past experiences. I was told this when I was in counselling at 17 due to feeling suicidal. So yes, looking after my mental well-being is a top priority for me.

Show quote history

If your mental well being is important then respectfully, stop sweating the small stuff.

Verbena17 · 17/10/2023 13:22

Readytoplay · 17/10/2023 13:14

No, I’ve known birthday girl since age 4, and we are ‘best friends’. It’s her Uni friends that I hadn’t met before but birthday girl, who I’ll now refer to as ‘Anne’, was the person who posted on IG.

Hi @Readytoplay 🙂

I know that for my autistic DS (18), he would worry about this situation for a very long time if it wasn’t sorted out. He would become extremely anxious and wouldn’t be able to let it go. He wouldn’t sleep and would reduce his food intake to barely zero. For many NT people this situation might not seem like a big thing but for many ND people though, it could really cause high anxiety.

Therefore, if you think you might also be feeling like this, you could call/message your best friend and explain to her that not being tagged has really stressed you out and ask her what she thinks.

You could word it like ‘hi, feeling a bit anxious after not being tagged in the photos- do you think it was just a mistake?’ Then maybe ask her to tag you in, if you don’t want to tag yourself in them.

Try not to worry - if you don’t know your friend’s uni friends, it perhaps won’t matter too much if it’s not likely you’ll be seeing them any time soon.

pinkyredrose · 17/10/2023 13:22

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

She's already explained how being ND affects her regarding issues like this.

You might think it's nothing but to her it's a huge deal.