To comment on being ‘airbrushed’ out of girl weekend IG post

[Readytoplay]

Last weekend, my friend organised a ‘girls' weekend’ for her birthday. In attendance were me, friend’s GF, another friend of hers from school and 4 of her Uni mates (that I hadn’t met prior to this trip). Yesterday friend who organised the trip posted on IG some pictures of the trip and tagged everyone but me. I really want to comment something along the lines of ‘it’s almost like I wasn’t there’ but not sure if I should. I haven't literally been airbrushed from the pictures, but It feels like I have been airbrushed from the event itself.

For context, I am autistic and really struggle with feeling valued as a person, due to the stigma that being ND has especially when I was a teen. I am just really hurt as it is bringing up the scars from school of no one wanting to be associated with the ‘SEN girl’.

AIBU to put a sarky/PA comment: mostly because I want to project how I feel. But at the same I don’t want to be meet the stereotype of Autistic= difficult/confrontational.

YABU: don’t put a comment
YANBU: do put a comment.

Can you tag yourself in other people's photos on insta? I've no idea. If so, do that.

If not, just comment "tag me please 🙃" or message her and ask to be tagged.

Unless you've left out a dramatic back story then it's just an oversight and easily done.

Just tag yourself and comment it was a good time. Don't do the sarky thing, it'll just do your head in wondering if youll get a response or not.

Too heavy handed and hard work, sorry. Keep it light to start. Sorry but in the kindest way one's own deep rooted worries (we all have them, NT or not) about being left out etc aren't for making into other peoples problem at the first sign of what might just be a glitch. Benefit of the doubt first. Honestly. If she replies nicely saying 'ooh sorry! Laptop playing up, obviously I wouldn't have missed you out!!' Then it's put to bed and all is right again. If she's got to reassure you and manage your disproportionately hurt feelings at this stage (and I do understand) then do you think she wants that after a nice fun weekend? Don't assume the worst.

Yes, agree. Do you actually work for the United Nations, because if not you should

Are you friends on IG with the person who posted?

Move on. It could be because she didn't want to presumptiously tag you or just forgot.

It isn't about you as a person x

Good rule to live by, in my experience is if you have a situation like this, which could either be a mistake or deliberate malice, then 99/100 times it is a mistake.

With respect, this is truly no way to look after your mental health. You're letting yourself obsess over something that's not an issue.

Take a step back. Either ignore and move on, or send a brief private message 'hey - can you tag me too?'.

Having previous trauma is terrible and I sympathise, but you have to do the work on yourself so that it doesn't take over your life.

It's probably just a mistake. Honestly I don't think you should read anything into it or worry.
It would never occur to me to be upset by that

with respect, i feel if you can remember 5/6 of the friends who went away with you less then 48 hours ago you can remember the sixth, especially if you’ve known them since age 4, see them almost daily, and are, in their own words, your ‘best friend’.

by the way I miscounted, only 3 uni friends attended meaning that including birthday friend 7 people went in total.

If they don’t follow you on socials, surely a tag wouldn’t work? Or even if they typed your first name, it might not bring up your full name?

You are reading FAR too much into this and ascribing motives to your friends based on your insecurities. It’s not like people proof read their tagging. They just do it quickly and then if it doesn’t work first time due to some glitch just think “ oh well they can just tag themselves”.

On another note, it’s pretty well documented that SM doesn’t do most people’s MH any good- perhaps time to take a break if it affects you in this way? You had a nice weekend with friends and now it’s kind of ruined because of a missing tag which was very likely just an oversight or fat thumbs.

I would be majorly pissed off if someone snarked on my IG about this. Deffo do not bring it up and get yourself filed under “too much like hard work”.

You're not listening OP. Lots of people have said there's many reasons why people fail to get tagged in pix and none of them are malicious or airbrushing. You need to let this one go and really look after your MH by not fixating on SM.

If you want to put a comment, why not just say something like “what a great night!”.

It doesn’t need to be a sarky comment.

As PPs have said tagging doesn’t always work and it doesn’t mean it was intentional.

I just tag myself in those instances! They probs forgot. No airbrushing involved.

Your past trauma might be a reason for an overreaction but it is not an excuse.
How likely, really, is it that your friend invited you along but is now deliberately snubbing you?
Think of 10 alternative explanations then rank them in different ways.
Now, if you still actually want to be tagged (one of my reasons would be that I've told people in the past how I hate being tagged as it's out of my control) then just message her and ask to be tagged.
No idea how that would be helpful - you've seen the photos after all - but what do I know?

She is already a good friend imo. I wouldn't want constant drama in my life over a photo tag.

Oh come on.

Have you never heard the phrase 'fat fingers'?

Perhaps she thought she did tag you.

I have forgotten to tag everyone on a night out before , there's never been anything malicious about it

Have you actually been removed from the pic or just not tagged? Because the latter could easily be an oversight and I would definitely let I go. If you have literally been airbrushed out then yes obviously that's awful and you'd have every right to say something

Isn’t there a 3rd option of sending your friend a message? I wouldn’t ignore it, you are hurt. Maybe it was a simple oversight, maybe the tag wouldn’t work. Maybe she just a bitch. Who knows. The only way you will know is to speak to her. If it’s the latter then maybe put the sarky comment then. But if you do it 1st and then find out there’s a reasonable explanation you might regret it.

I wouldn't go in heavy handed, as in 'I'm deeply hurt by this' But I would make a joke about me not being there. Which is what OP suggested in the first place.

Yes, in her words I am her ‘oldest and bestest friend’ and is definitely following me on all platforms.

Don't leave a message. Talk about it next time you see her if it's still on your mind then.

AIBU to put a sarky/PA comment: mostly because I want to project how I feel. But at the same I don’t want to be meet the stereotype of Autistic= difficult/confrontational

Posting a sarky/PA comment when you don’t even know whether the omission was even deliberate, let alone malicious, would definitely be ‘difficult/confrontational’ behaviour.

I appreciate that your past traumatic experiences might have left you hypersensitive about being left out or ignored, so I understand why your immediate reaction was to feel hurt, but honestly, this is a tiny, tiny thing that almost certainly wasn’t done on purpose or with any intention of being hurtful to you. Learning to be more proportionate about your reaction to this sort of thing, and not to fixate on them, is something that will help you a lot if you want to look after your mental health and overcome the effects of your past traumas.

So clearly a mistake then 🤷‍♂️

Why are you trying to cause an argument with her when there's not one to be had?

You seem determined to think the worst of your oldest and best friend.