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AIBU?

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Original poster

To comment on being ‘airbrushed’ out of girl weekend IG post

301 replies

Readytoplay · 17/10/2023 12:31

Last weekend, my friend organised a ‘girls' weekend’ for her birthday. In attendance were me, friend’s GF, another friend of hers from school and 4 of her Uni mates (that I hadn’t met prior to this trip). Yesterday friend who organised the trip posted on IG some pictures of the trip and tagged everyone but me. I really want to comment something along the lines of ‘it’s almost like I wasn’t there’ but not sure if I should. I haven't literally been airbrushed from the pictures, but It feels like I have been airbrushed from the event itself.

For context, I am autistic and really struggle with feeling valued as a person, due to the stigma that being ND has especially when I was a teen. I am just really hurt as it is bringing up the scars from school of no one wanting to be associated with the ‘SEN girl’.

AIBU to put a sarky/PA comment: mostly because I want to project how I feel. But at the same I don’t want to be meet the stereotype of Autistic= difficult/confrontational.

YABU: don’t put a comment
YANBU: do put a comment.

OP posts:
ilovemydogmore · 17/10/2023 12:45

So you are in the photos, just not tagged?

There are a million very harmless reasons for this. Are you friends? Do your settings allow tagging? Maybe there was even just a small technical error e.g. she spelled your name wrong or didn't quite click complete.

This is very very very minor.

If you had been cropped from the photo, fine, but you're being unreasonable. Don't make yourself look like an idiot just move on.

aSofaNearYou · 17/10/2023 12:45

Fionaville · 17/10/2023 12:44

Are other posters missing that it was your actual friend who posted the photos and didn't tag you, or am I getting it wrong?
If it was your friend, then I would say something. Its hurt you and your feelings are valid. I assume you are actually on the photos she's posted. So why didn't she tag you?

The reality is though that if somebody actually did discuss those feelings, many would see that as hard work and high maintenance and step back from them. I probably would.

Delatron · 17/10/2023 12:45

You can also ask to be tagged to the photo owner without anyone seeing. My friends do this as I don’t tag people unless I’m sure they want to be tagged! So that’s no big deal either.

MarkWithaC · 17/10/2023 12:45

carddino · 17/10/2023 12:36

A quick message, hi x, hope you are well and recovered from a great weekend. You have missed my tag on photos, do you have my instagram/Facebook details. Lovely to meet you.

This is a great, diplomatic response, BUT it was the OP's actual friend who posted and didn't tag her.

BodegaSushi · 17/10/2023 12:46

So you weren't airbrushed out then, they just didn't tag you? Over-dramatic

Ifyoulikealotofchocolateonyourbiscuit · 17/10/2023 12:46

If you are in the photos but have simply not been tagged then it is probably just an oversight and really not a big deal

Catlord · 17/10/2023 12:46

Thing is, if you do go in PA or even just A chances are she will reply 'i definitely tried to tag you, not sure why it didn't work' and you will look like you've overreacted.

Twentypastfour · 17/10/2023 12:46

Gruntsandgroans · 17/10/2023 12:35

Personally I wouldn't because they already knew what they were doing when the left you out of the photos. It's not like a public shaming will make them value you more. It will acheive nothing other than possibly having them laughing behind your back. I also wouldn't regard them as friends though and would distance myself from them going forward.

But they didn’t leave her out of the photos, she just wasn’t tagged?

Maybe I’m too old to understand why not being tagged is that big of a deal…

GRex · 17/10/2023 12:48

She probably just missed you, really not worth traumatizing. Let her know your details and ask if she can please add you.

Fionaville · 17/10/2023 12:49

aSofaNearYou · 17/10/2023 12:45

The reality is though that if somebody actually did discuss those feelings, many would see that as hard work and high maintenance and step back from them. I probably would.

Show quote history

See I think if a friend has hurt you, you should say something. If they see that as high maintenance and step back, then so be it. Good friends consider each others feelings. I don't think it's high maintenance to ask why she wasn't tagged or joke about not being there.

custardlover · 17/10/2023 12:49

Honestly this is not personal, don't be offended. Stand in a patch of sunshine, close your eyes and take ten seconds to do deep breathing and feel better x

Original poster
Readytoplay · 17/10/2023 12:49

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

With respect did you read my full post. I have deep routed trauma because of past experiences. I was told this when I was in counselling at 17 due to feeling suicidal. So yes, looking after my mental well-being is a top priority for me.

OP posts:
SacAMain · 17/10/2023 12:50

Some people find it horribly rude to be tagged "without their consent".

Not tagging you is NOT the same at all as "airbrushing you out".

MikeRafone · 17/10/2023 12:50

Id message the person directly

Dear Person

Loving the photographs form the weekend, I am sure it is an oversight but can't understand why I wasn't tagged on social media - was there a reason? Only it left me feeling a left out. I had such a lovely time and it was all organised so very well.

kind regards

so a bit of a shit sandwich in the way - complement and then the left out feeling and then the complement.

Sarky posts left public will not get to the bottom of the issue or let the person know how you felt

carddino · 17/10/2023 12:51

@MarkWithaC so it was.

In that case I would go with, hey, where's my tag! Fab weekend, see you soon

aSofaNearYou · 17/10/2023 12:52

See I think if a friend has hurt you, you should say something. If they see that as high maintenance and step back, then so be it. Good friends consider each others feelings. I don't think it's high maintenance to ask why she wasn't tagged or joke about not being there.

Joke, yeah sure, or ask to be tagged. But if they were genuinely hurt by this enough to tell me as much I would consider them to be hard work. I care about my friends feelings but them having far too strong feelings would naturally put me off being friends with them.

Normalsizedsalad · 17/10/2023 12:53

Do you have tagging allowed? I have it blocked.

Let it go.

Aquamarine1029 · 17/10/2023 12:53

Your value as a person is not based on being tagged in a social media post. These people don't know you well, it just doesn't matter. Honestly, this much drama over a non-event is crazy. Of course you shouldn't make some arsehole comment. Why on earth would you do that?

ToniTTtopaz · 17/10/2023 12:53

Are you friends with the person who posted the pictures on Instagram or Facebook?

They may not have your handle and that's why they haven't tagged you.

Mouthfulofquiz · 17/10/2023 12:53

Honestly… it’s probably an oversight. Why not say ‘can you tag me too?’
that’s all it needs. A passive aggressive comment would be taking it too far.

SacAMain · 17/10/2023 12:54

MikeRafone · 17/10/2023 12:50

Id message the person directly

Dear Person

Loving the photographs form the weekend, I am sure it is an oversight but can't understand why I wasn't tagged on social media - was there a reason? Only it left me feeling a left out. I had such a lovely time and it was all organised so very well.

kind regards

so a bit of a shit sandwich in the way - complement and then the left out feeling and then the complement.

Sarky posts left public will not get to the bottom of the issue or let the person know how you felt

please don't send that, it's awfully cringey

If you must, something along the "love the photos, can you tag me in please" is more than enough.

WhateverMate · 17/10/2023 12:55

Readytoplay · 17/10/2023 12:49

With respect did you read my full post. I have deep routed trauma because of past experiences. I was told this when I was in counselling at 17 due to feeling suicidal. So yes, looking after my mental well-being is a top priority for me.

Show quote history

Well perhaps a better way to deal with it (rather than a ridiculously over dramatic thread title) would be to say "Oi Sarah. You forgot to tag me in the pics"?

purplecorkheart · 17/10/2023 12:55

Most likely it is an oversight or she thinks that you do not like being tagged in posts. Or check your own settings, Mine is set up that I cannot be tagged in things, I had no idea until recently when a friend told me she tried to tag me in a competition and could not.

Gnomegnomegnome · 17/10/2023 12:56

Tag yourself. Be the better person.

arethereanyleftatall · 17/10/2023 12:58

Op - to give you the perspective from a person who has a lot of confidence (me) - I probably wouldn't have noticed. If I did, I would just automatically assume she just forgot by accident. I would instantly forget about it either way.
So, no, please don't post a passive aggressive comment like others have suggested, nor message her that you're hurt, because there's no need for you to be.

Unless you actually think she did it deliberately, which I guess is a whole other debate.