To comment on being ‘airbrushed’ out of girl weekend IG post

[Readytoplay]

Last weekend, my friend organised a ‘girls' weekend’ for her birthday. In attendance were me, friend’s GF, another friend of hers from school and 4 of her Uni mates (that I hadn’t met prior to this trip). Yesterday friend who organised the trip posted on IG some pictures of the trip and tagged everyone but me. I really want to comment something along the lines of ‘it’s almost like I wasn’t there’ but not sure if I should. I haven't literally been airbrushed from the pictures, but It feels like I have been airbrushed from the event itself.

For context, I am autistic and really struggle with feeling valued as a person, due to the stigma that being ND has especially when I was a teen. I am just really hurt as it is bringing up the scars from school of no one wanting to be associated with the ‘SEN girl’.

AIBU to put a sarky/PA comment: mostly because I want to project how I feel. But at the same I don’t want to be meet the stereotype of Autistic= difficult/confrontational.

YABU: don’t put a comment
YANBU: do put a comment.

It's not "flaming", it's stating that it makes a massive difference to the problem, and it changes the thread completely.

Being literally removed from photos: spiteful, and very weird

not being tagged: complete non issue, resolved with a "please tag me".

Oh come on, it was a massively clickbait title.

And the OP's still going on about it rather than simply mentioning it to her best friend since she was 4 years old.

fucking hell, she's just forgotten.

i like a good sarky comment so I'd probably write "oh that looks like fun, why didn't you invite me? OH WAIT, YOU DID"

If you're her oldest and bestest friend it is probably an oversight. I would message her in private and see what she says.

If it makes you feel better, I have been physically snipped out of pictures before they went onto Instagram by a bully I used to work with. Give people the benefit of the doubt first - post a comment on how good the weekend was and that will prompt the poster to remember to tag you.

It's really hard with modern social tech to read what people think of you and what all these cues mean unless someone explains them. For anyone who's NT and thinking 'why are you worrying?' we don't always have the judgment to know what's to worry about and what's not. I get it wrong all the time and panic about things others don't then too chilled about things others get upset about. Sometimes I wish someone would give me a manual that explained everything so I would know what to do. I based my knowledge watching people for years to the point I don't always know myself anymore.

You’re not answering anyone’s question: are you in the photos?

If so, there is really nothing to be upset about. The way you phrased your original post makes it sound like she cropped you out of photos or didn’t post any of you.

But this is just over not being tagged? Ridiculous, sorry. There’s loads of reasons - app glitched, your account settings, she forgot your username, wasn’t sure you’d want to be tagged, or simply forgot! Surely adults don’t think twice about being tagged or not tagged?

On instagram the done thing is to reshare a post on your own story. No one looks at peoples tagged photos anyway.

Unless you think your friend did this deliberately to hurt you, this really is a non issue.

I generally never tag anyone in a photo unless I know they would want to be tagged. I would assume that amongst her other friend group, they all post photos and tag each other so she knows she has their permission. I would take it as she was respecting your wishes to maybe not be tagged in the photo. Just tag yourself or send a quick message and say, 'fab photos from last weekend! Had a great time with you all! Can you tag me in them so I can share?'. I don't think this was in any way a personal attack, if anything she was perhaps protecting you from feeling uncomfortable having all these photos of yourself on social media if she knows you are a private person or you didn't know these people well.

I would take it as she was respecting your wishes to maybe not be tagged in the photo. Just tag yourself or send a quick message and say, 'fab photos from last weekend! Had a great time with you all! Can you tag me in them so I can share?'.

This is good advice

But, OP, you aren't looking after your mental wellbeing. You are obsessing over whether someone not tagging you in a SM post means that your friend and all the girls on the trip didn't like you. Highly likely to be an oversight, it's easy to do. Why not send a relaxed text to your friend along the lines of "Hi, Anne, saw the photos on SM, was SO much fun, can you tag me in the pics please?". But please don't keep dwelling on it, it will only make you feel worse. Take care of yourself.

My advice is first think what is main outcome that you want?

Is the biggest problem that you were not tagged? Then, as other people said, send a message along the lines "Lovely pictures, by the way, could you tag me as well? Thanks x"

Or, if the main issue is that you don't understand how your friend could remember to tag 5 friends but not the sixth, then you will only find out this if you talk with your friend and clarify what happened. Since you know each other from long time ago and are good friends, you should be able to get together to have a chat in person. Tell her what happened when you realised you were not tagged, ask her why she did not tag you (then you can hear her answer and whether there is a reasonable explanation for it or not), and finally let her know how it made you feel. If she is a genuine friend, there will be an explanation, and once she knows how you felt she would probably say sorry and make sure something like that doesn't happens again. If she is not a true friend (let's say she did it on purpose and doesn't care about how it made you feel), then now you know and put that friendship behind.

Rise above. Don't even let them know it bothers you.

Kindly OP, if you are worrying about such a small issue such as this I would strongly advise coming off social media altogether.

No need for adverse comment.. to her it is a worry and no less important than anyone else's worry.
Seems like you're some kind of troll. Donnatellmethis

Forgotten? Absolute bs. There are pictures, prompting them who was there! Life is too short to care for the whys and wherefores though if you want to be tagged, say tag me please and thank you.

Text and ask her

say something, but in a more direct (even jokey) way if you like, not passive aggressive. if shes that good a friend she will care that you are upset and will be happy to chat about it

Your original post said "Yesterday friend who organised the trip posted on IG.." So it wasn't the birthday girl, Anne.

If you're not connected to the person who posted, they won't be able to tag you.

I understand the reason for your over reaction but it is still an over reaction. Let it go.

It sounds like an accident. If she was embarrassed by you she wouldn't just leave you out the post, she wouldn't have invited you in the first place.

Always interesting how many autistic people I know are really cavalier about the extent to which how they are in the world ends up offending others, but are hyper sensitive about the tiniest little thing themselves.

I wouldn’t tag someone I didn’t know just in case they didn’t like it, some people get shitty about things like that. I wouldn’t give it another thought OP.

So perhaps @Piglet89 you should read up a lot more about autism, so you can better understand the people you know who are autistic.

Yabu to say what you put in the OP. Putting that will make everyone feel awkward and risk future invites. Sometimes people forget or the app plays up. If you accidentally left someone off a post, wouldn't you want a bit of understanding that it was a mistake and not an attempt to bully?

A 15yo might phrase their annoyance like that but you weren't cropped out of pics etc which is poor behaviour.

As this is your best friend, just text her something privately like "You forgot to tag me x" rather than publicly embarrass her in front of her other friends and make the others feel awkward. She knows your background so will probably just add the tag that was accidentally forgotten.

You know your best friend and if it's likely that she forgot or was trying to make a mean statement. If you really think that she was trying to exclude you then it's time to consider whether or not you should be friends with someone like that but if she's like most other people then this will be an innocent mistake and she'd appreciate it that you didn't embarrass her by calling it out publicly.

I agree that you did well to attend.

I’m not autistic but I’m ND, and generally can be quite sensitive in social situations.

So, I can appreciate how you’re feeling, but also on the other side of the coin in the past I’ve sometimes felt anxiety posting group photos on social media and writing captions because I’m worried I’ll mistakenly leave someone out or offend someone somehow.

I’d absolutely hate for someone to leave a snarky comment!

Definitely just be direct and point out she hasn’t tagged you and ask her to do so. It was more than likely an oversight or a glitch where she has tagged you but it didn’t work.