To comment on being ‘airbrushed’ out of girl weekend IG post

[Readytoplay]

Last weekend, my friend organised a ‘girls' weekend’ for her birthday. In attendance were me, friend’s GF, another friend of hers from school and 4 of her Uni mates (that I hadn’t met prior to this trip). Yesterday friend who organised the trip posted on IG some pictures of the trip and tagged everyone but me. I really want to comment something along the lines of ‘it’s almost like I wasn’t there’ but not sure if I should. I haven't literally been airbrushed from the pictures, but It feels like I have been airbrushed from the event itself.

For context, I am autistic and really struggle with feeling valued as a person, due to the stigma that being ND has especially when I was a teen. I am just really hurt as it is bringing up the scars from school of no one wanting to be associated with the ‘SEN girl’.

AIBU to put a sarky/PA comment: mostly because I want to project how I feel. But at the same I don’t want to be meet the stereotype of Autistic= difficult/confrontational.

YABU: don’t put a comment
YANBU: do put a comment.

What @donquixotedelamancha said. There seems to be so much pressure at the moment and MN is a great example for it for people to demand that others are responsible for their mental wellbeing. I absolutely understand that from a 'do no harm,take no shit' aspect, but so many people seem to expect to be EVERYONES priority in all they say and do, while not reciprocating.

With the greatest of respect, for the sake of your mental health, you should ditch the social media. It really is liberating believe me. Over analyzing like this and a 10 page thread on mn is not healthy.

Wow, it seems like you are deliberately trying to ruin your friendship OP, your friend invited you, you went and had a good time, your friend reassured you that everyone thought you were lovely but her not tagging you has upset you so much and you want to confront her when its likely just an simple oversight?

This is a YOU problem, not a friend problem.

How old are you op? Apologies if missed but if you've been friends with Annie since school and these are uni friends are there jealousy issues afoot?

Please don't comment.
Maybe she didn't feel she knows you well enough to tag you.
Can you just try not to worry about it?

It would seem a little intense to me if I am honest.

I think it's fine to recognise you have these feelings OP and why.

But the next step is to recognise if they are serving you. You've presumably asked the question on here to find out what most people would feel is an appropriate response.

I think you have a clear answer, that most people wouldn't let this bother them.

So, it might be more healthy for you now, to try and figure out a more positive response to this and think on how you might become less affected by daily oversights from people.

This person is really just living their life and probably nit thinking about you in a negative way.

Not everything is done with you in mind. This isn't about being mean or kind it's just someone you don't know very well not tagging you in a photo.

It's ok to notice our emotions and responses to events. It's also ok ti sit with those responses and as adults, decide what's the healthiest action for us moving forward.

If you post a snarky comment you may well upset your friendships and you will end up feeling worse.

I'm wondering how old you are?

But it was her friend (since she was 4) who organised it.

It was her best friend from the age of 4.

Just tag yourself?

God, DonnaTellMeThis tell me that in RL you're not so numb to other people's feelings and conerns. God, please tell me that you've NEVER had a friend of relative that is ND and has experienced being treated differently. Clearly you've never experienced what OP has. Clearly you could stand a course in empathy! FFS

from the ADHD magazine 1. Remember the times you persevered despite discomfort. If you are reading this, there’s great news. You’ve survived everything that life has thrown at you, including all the terrifying and uncomfortable moments. RSD threatens to erase those memories of triumph and tries to convince you that the pain of rejection is unsurpassable. Make it a habit to recall moments where you persisted in the face of fear. Write some of these down in your phone or journal so you can go back and remind yourself of your courage. Over time, the unbearableness of rejection will subside.
2. Identify your strengths. Focus as much as possible on what you love to do and what you do well. You are NOT the sum of broken parts. You are MUCH, MUCH more than that. Make a list of qualities or talents you like about yourself. Write these down as well. Then transform them into affirmations for those challenging moments. “I am brave; I am creative; I take risks; I keep trying.”
3. Do a “happy and a crappy.” Each day, name a few good (happy) and not-so-good (crappy) things that transpired. This practice will teach you to de-emphasize negative thoughts and shift your attention to what’s working.
4. Be a “STAR:” Stop, Think, Act, and Recover to manage big feelings, especially during unpleasant interactions. Pausing will also help you accurately gauge a situation instead of speaking out of turn or rushing to a conclusion.
[Read: How Does RSD Really, Actually Feel?]
5. Your sensitivity is a positive. Unfortunately, (and it looks like you’ve experienced this) many people are quick to negatively label and shame sensitive individuals, which does nothing to help RSD. What does help RSD is embracing sensitivity and the good that comes with it. Say: “I am sensitive, which means I feel things deeply and connect to people in special ways.” Wear sensitivity like a badge of honor.
As you form new patterns, they may feel strange or awkward. Practice self-compassion. We have all experienced (and will continue to experience) rejection and hurt in life. When things don’t go the way you hope, take time to regroup, and treat yourself like you would a child with a skinned knee — with care and kindness.

If you are not actually in any of the photos that's probably why you aren't tagged. Maybe look through photos with your friend and see if there is one you want her to post (could crop it if some people don't look at their best)?

I’m literally lost at all the rude comments here … unless I missed something , I’m in the understanding op was at the weekend away , but hasn’t been including in any of the pics (not just a case of not being tagged)

please correct me if I’m wrong here , but yes I would be hurt too , unless you specifically said. I don’t like any of the pics please don’t post me ?

How did it go with your friend, @Readytoplay ? Are you feeling better?

Is she your friend on Facebook if not she can’t tag you and so you have tag approval set up meaning she can’t tag you? I don’t always tag everyone because some people don’t like the fact all their friends will see a tag and they might not want work colleagues etc seeing their weekend pictures- I would only tag close friends I know don’t mind being tagged!

I’m so glad I don’t get tagged in posts, don’t want everyone knowing my business!
What did people do years ago before social media 🤣?

A snub would be looking on social media and seeing they had all met up and you weren't invited. This seems like a minor oversight but as she's known you since age 4 she should know this sort of thing would really bother you and should have made sure you were in at least one photo and tagged in too. I'd have a quiet chat about it and not put any message on the post itself.

I think you are overthinking this. Your title makes it sound like you’ve been blurred or cropped out of the pictures, actually she’s just not tagged you. It may not feel great, but it’s not a huge snub. Just like the pictures and comment what a nice get together it was.

I am sorry this is hurting you, I fully understand why you feel like this. If we feel vulnerable any sort of cue can be interpreted as an exclusion behaviour, particularly coming from one you trust, and this is very painful.

Your friend Anne could have been more sensitive, but my gut would be to go by your explanation relating to the lack of quality of the photos in which you also appeared, and as this was a post for her uni colleagues she selected only photos in which all pictured were looking good. Then as you were not included, she then didn't tag you so that you would feel bad about it. It ended up having the opposite result, but she didn't mean it.

Do not post anything nasty if you value your friendship. Instead, have a friendly chat with your friend saying you understand she probably didn't intend to, but not including you in the pics made you feel sad and insecure about your friendship. She invited only 6 people, only three from her past, and you were one of them. If you were not an appreciated and valued friend, you would not have been there. Focus on that.

' so that you would feel bad about it' should read 'so that you do not feel bad about it'

I don’t post pictures or tag my friends in anything on social media until I’ve gotten their approval. I do this every time and most of my friends do the same for me. I’m very particular in what goes on my social media. Your friend may just be waiting to have a conversation with you before she adds you to the tags. Please don’t post anything snarky as it doesn’t look good for you and can seriously hurt your friendship over what may be her trying to respect your boundaries.

Feel better now do you?

I am autistic and really struggle with feeling valued as a person

This sort of thing can be a really big thing for some of us. I get that some people wouldn't think twice about it. It often depends how you are treated as a person.

Thank you for this. I’m not (so far as I know) autistic but my young adult children are and I’ve been wincing at a lot of the replies because they demonstrate how little most people understand. One of my sons in particular agonises over every word on social media and yes, I dare say some ND people might consider him ‘hard work’, just as some hearing people would find it annoying trying to organise a party that wouldn’t exclude deaf people… but tough shit. Being inclusive might involve a bit more effort but everyone benefits from it.

To some people on the spectrum things like this are a very big deal. Why not just 🤐🤐🤐