To deeply resent DP? I think I'm traumatised

[nle]

I posted about this at the time so will try and keep it brief.

DP and I have been on and off for 4.5 years.

Last year, we split but had started seeing each other again, dates, sleeping together, basically acting like normal. I then became pregnant on the pill.

The day I found out he came over and told me he wanted nothing to do with me or the baby and was "abandoning" us. His family, whom I was very close to blocked me on all social media (his mum, dad and sister). His mum said "but X doesn't want a baby". Neither did I!

He then contacted me three weeks later asking what decision I had made, I refused to tell him. He said I was wrong for this and basically made me out to be the villain.

He said that he and his family had actually wanted to be involved all along, but they were trying to manipulate me into an abortion by thinking I was going to have to raise the baby alone.

I ended up having a miscarriage and didn't tell him until later.

I eventually told him I had miscarried, over the phone. He called me names, said that he hated the thought of being tied to me forever, he accused me of sleeping with someone (I hadn't), he said there was no excuse for me to have withheld information about the pregnancy from him.

He also said he didn't want me around our friends anymore (they were his friends first). He showed people the messages of me breaking down during the height of it all. Totally humiliated me and essentially made me out to be crazy.

I attempted suicide as a result of this time, he knows this.

We are now back together. We had no contact for six months. Our families don't know.

The only time he has said sorry was when I had asked for an apology and it was a forced "sorry!" Like a disgruntled child.

He justifies what he did by saying he had a "tough choice" to make and that the way he went about things was his only option. That he knew a baby would be bad for both of us, so he did this to help us and his family.

He said "I still think you were going to keep that baby", he actually has no idea whether I was or wasn't.

This isn't the only time he's been a dick. I won't bore you with the rest of the stories.

The way he treats me has vastly improved, we have a really, really great time together. Rarely argue or have disagreements.

I just can't move on from it, I resent him and when I think about the situation and what I went through, I feel sick to my stomach.

Has anyone every moved on by something so major? I know this is probably just a big thing to me, but I can change the effect it had.

If it weren't for these big fuck ups he pulls off, he could've been the one.

Day to day, I love everything about him.

Get him to fuck pronto op.

Your with the guy who made you so sad and depressed you tried to commit suicide whilst you have a child in the world

please leave him. You’ll forever resent him and you won’t be able to get over this

your worth so much more than this and the world would miss you if you’re not here! I’m so proud of how far you’ve come and you’re needed here

WHY ARE YOU BACK WITH THIS SCUM?

Don’t ever apologise. We’re all allowed to feel saddened or depressed.

dont be ashamed. It’s human nature and it’s ok. You’ve not done it since and you’re still here.

So if you’re only seeing him now when you don’t have your child I’m assuming you don’t live together/ share finances or have to work out dividing household chores or anything like that?
Sounds to me like you’re in a bit of a honeymoon phase and that’s why you’re getting along so well at the moment - he’s fine when life is stress free - but as soon as the going gets a bit tough he’ll be totally useless and completely unsupportive as he proved with the unexpected pregnancy.

You are already better than him OP!

Get rid of him as soon as possible and focus on yourself and your child. I'm amazed and saddened that you think so little of yourself that you got back together with him.

Take some time to learn to love yourself so that you can recognise what true care and love looks like from a partner, because it isn't this.

hoky fuck op. Nothing you have posted says loving relationship. He drove you to suicide when you had a child. He beats you down then comes back until the next perceived slight. He says he did this to protect his family? You shook be his main concern.

The fear of being alone isn’t worth staying. Being single is better than this. There is nothing worth staying for. This isn’t a healthy partner or relationship and he will do the same again. Don’t teach your son this is how to be treated. Your partner only wants you on the days you have no child to do his bidding also. After 4 years you don’t feel you can introduce your child still says buckets.

there is someone out there for you, and in the meantime single is better. You will get your own friends and look back and feel proud for having the strength to leave. Expect him to lovebomb you I stay if you split up with him. Why would he give up a part time sex buddy with no strings attached? Win win for him.

So basically you keep your kid out of his way. My God…

OP I will probably be jumped on for this but it's how I have personally read this situation.

You say you fell pregnant on the pill - so did I when I was younger. I fell pregnant on it because I stopped taking it properly, fucked about with it, actually hoping I would fall pregnant because my boyfriend had broken up with me but we continued to sleep together. My misguided belief that he would have to stay with me if I fell pregnant.

Difference being I was 16.

Same with a suicide attempt - was this in the hope it would keep him in the relationship?

I don't mean to sound harsh, I really don't.

But you have a child. Make HIM the centre of your world, not this shitty bloke.

There are many good people out there. All the while you are wasting your time with this one you are missing the oppurtunity to meet them.

I am going to join into the crowd shouting at you to leave his awful arse right now.

For starters you don't love him. You are codependent or trauma bonded. You need therapy not just for this but for the suicide attempt.

You almost left your child without a mother.

You need to stop being so self absorbed while at the same time having so little respect for yourself.

Get it together woman. FFS.

You must prioritize yourself. Reach out to real life people—not him, his family, his friends but people on your side. Tell your gp you need therapy. Get support to break away. This man is abusing you and you are very much inthe FOG as well ss having mental health issues of your own. Lok up BPD and see if that makes sense. Your fear of abandonment and the suicidal gesture all scream that you are overwhelmed in this attachment and need to learn how to stay strong. You can learn to self protect. But you must choose yourself and your DC.

Omg get out. You deserve so much better than this awful man.

He behaved appallingly when you were at a very low ebb, as did his family. Why the hell would you forgive him, trust him, still want him in your life?! The fact that he's never involved with your DS speaks volumes. For crying out loud, wake up and smell the shit.

Surely you don't move on from the trauma by getting back together with the perpetrator!!

Dump him and then move on. Surely!

Set an example for your ds and leave him please.
You need to give yourself a kick up the bum depression or no, I've been there and in the long run you are setting yourself up for heartbreak.
Go find a nice man who doesn't abandon you and slag you off on social media when the going gets rough.
Or better yet spend some time working on yourself, go to gym and get some self esteem back.

OP you have to have more respect for yourself.
He does not deserve to be in your life you can do so much better. He sounds absolutely horrible.
If you can't do it for yourself then do it for your child that you already have. Leave this person. They are not a partner.

If you think any of this is acceptable, you are no more mature or ready for a relationship than he is.

You’re in a relationship which is currently going well because it’s conditional on what your partner wants and you doing as you’re told. What happens when another challenge comes up? A return to abusive manipulation tactics I imagine.
End the relationship, work on your self esteem (start with the overcoming low self esteem
book), take the freedom project course online, study your attachment style (the book attached will help with this) and ask your gp to refer you for talking therapy.

OP as gently as possible you are in an abusive relationship, he has driven you to attempt suicide even though you have a child, there is also a reason deep down why you have not introduced your child to him.

You need to contact Womens Aid, you can do better, but you can't move on whilst you are constantly under his shadow and feeling worthless.

End it, block him and perhaps get some support to help with your mental health and self esteem before finding someone else as at the moment you are vulnerable to these sorts of abusive men. Xx

Good luck OP. Please don't defend him, his treatment of you is not normal.

Really? It's not like you could much worse!

Hell, being alone would be a significant improvement on staying with this complete tosser.

This man is actively bad for your mental health, which in turn will affect your child.

If you can't dump him for yourself, do it for your kid.

It sounds like he doesn’t deserve you. To manipulate you that way is a huge red flag, there’s no redemption to be had after that.

You have seen his true colours, when it mattered, he let you down badly.

If your happy to have him around for company, that’s one thing, but if your considering a future and children, this guy is not The One and is wasting your precious time.

When shit hits the fan, you need and deserve someone that has your back, will stand by you and who you can trust.
Good luck ❤️

Honey you are trauma bonded. Your shame is tying you to him. I feel for you 💐.

Read Boundary Boss, Codependent No More, Women who love too much.

Find a good therapist.

You’ve been the subject of significant emotional abuse. How you reacted in the past to multiple traumatic events is not your fault, focus on the steps you take today and tomorrow for yourself. Wishing you stength and self-compassion. Its not easy when you love your abuser.

You need counseling. You're with him out of fear, not love, and he's made it clear by his actions that he doesn't love you. Ignore his words. Look at what he's DONE. He's a horrible human being. Get rid of him and get well.