To think it’s a bit odd when teachers refer to themselves by their surname yet address parents by their first name.

[Nonplusultra]

Since the dc have started secondary, and we’ve a wider pool of teachers, I’ve noticed this a few times.

If I email a Mr Smith and sign off Jane Jones, most people will respond Dear Jane, and sign off Sam Smith, and after that you’re on first name terms. Or they’ll write Ms Jones and sign off Sam Smith retaining a degree of formality.

But I’ve noticed that some teachers will use my first name but sign off as Mr Smith. If they want to retain their professional persona, that’s fine (although in this day and age it’s slightly odd), but in that case I think they should also address me as Ms Jones. It’s especially weird when I’m old enough to be their mum.

It’s not even in front of the children. I’ve even spoken on the phone like this “Hi Jane, It’s Mr Smith from dc’s school….”

It’s only a minority of teachers tbf , but I’ve only encountered this with teachers.

If a parent signs off with their first name, I assume that's how they wish to be referred to so that's what I use. If I initiate contact, I use Mr/Mrs/Miss etc.

Some people will get cross about being addressed as Jane, some will find the formality of Ms Jones awkward. Some would prefer the teacher is Sam and some will prefer to keep it as Mr Smith.

I would imagine in the millions of things teachers need to do every day then trying to figure out which form of address each individual parent would prefer to use for the teacher and to be used for themselves is rightly pretty low on the list of priorities.

It's just a teacher thing - it actually really throws me that my kids' primary DON'T do it (we moved school a couple of years ago) and I'll get a call from the head and it'll be like "Hi Coffee, it's Dave from school here"

It's really taken some getting used to!

It’s because that’s what the children call them so they assume that’s what you’ll know them as.

So long as they refrain from addressing me as “Mum” I really can’t get worked up about this.

The strict etiquette is that you address Jane Jones as Ms Jones. You sign off as Fred Bloggs but are addressed as Mr. Bloggs. Basically you don't give your self titles except in brackets for info.

The King doesn't sign himself off as King Charles.

The 'phone malarkey is not OK. Always formal until invited to be less so is best. No-one gets pissed off if you Miss/Ms/Mrs/Mr them but feathers may be ruffled by too much mateyness.

As you might imagine, I found Australia an eye-opener as a teacher.

I wouldn't really mind either way. I do get annoyed when they call me "Mrs Exsname" (which has never been my name) weirdly it's mainly male teachers that do this!

Every communication i get from school is Mrs Roots. Or Mrs Rots, as they keep spelling the surname incorrectly in non computerised communication.

If you've signed off as Jane Smith, they possibly don't want to go down the troubled route if whether to call you Mrs/Miss/Ms/Mx so just stick with Jane.
I don't think any of my DCs teachers called me by my first name, even those I knew quite well.
They always referred to themselves by their surname, signed off emails with first name-surname.

It’s likely because your children call them Mr Smith so that’s how they expect you’ll know of them. If you don’t like it you can always sign off Ms Nonplus, or just ask them to address you like that.

I find it more annoying when consultants are introduced as Mr Adams and then greet you by first name.

I tend to introduce myself as Mrs Smiles because I assume that the children will have said "Mrs Smiles is one of my teachers" not "Lola said she was going to call you about something that happened at break". If I've got the parents' titles then they're also Mr/Mrs/Miss Surname. If they're parents I speak to a lot then it's first names all round.

DC school I call all the teachers Mr/Mrs Last name and sign off with Lola. They always reply back to Mrs Smiles.

What annoys me more is when phone calls start with "Hello, is that David's Mum?"

The communication system I can access when contacting parents and carers contains their first and last names, e-mail and phone numbers but not titles.

Titles are therefore a nightmare, as people do get offended if you use the wrong one, but I presume they know me - through their child - as Mrs Can’t.

@echt. No the king signs himself as Charles R... R for Rex.. latin for King.

Op mine are older now as I don't have this issue but as a rule if they used my first name I used theirs. I made sure I knew what it was too... only once had a issue and he had the decency to blush when I pointed he had also without invitetion used my first name. We spend the next 3 years using Mr and Mrs 😀

I think you're reading too into this. It's just easier to keep the same name as your child uses to address them. I'm on first name basis with one of the teachers at DDs school as we communicate a lot and I have to remind myself that they don't know them as Jane but Mrs Smith so I will say oh I spoke to Mrs Smith said this, rather than oh I spoke to Jane etc. This is pretty strict in most schools too. They don't have the time to be going over semantics to this level I'm afraid.

I wouldn't have even given this a second thought. Then again I've never emailed a teacher 🤷

Then when they get to college they get told to call them their first names. My son was surprised by this he said it feels like he's doing something wrong. Nice though.

No I don't think it's weird. It's for consistency.

If you want to be referred to as Mrs Smith, and you think being older validates that in your mind then you can make that clear to the particular person.

I would say most parents don't actually want to be referred to as Mr/Mrs/Ms.

I was a teacher.

I always used Mrs 64 in emails as that was what the student would know me as.

I usually signed off Octavia 64 and then swopped to first names, but honestly I was working long hours and frequently replying to parent emails in short gaps between lessons or late at night so didn't always.

I've never emailed a teacher, or spoken to one on the phone so don't have first hand experience of this. But in general I agree with your point that either you're on first name terms or you aren't.
I mean, I wouldn't be massively bothered by it, but I would never use someone's first name while still expecting them to call me "Ms Paris". If I had a reason for wanting to be called "Ms Paris" I would then use the other person's title for addressing them.

I come from a family of teachers. In my experience most teachers hate parents (unfairly in my opinion). I think this is just another sign of how little respect teachers have for them.

I'd brush it off and not say anything as you can't bloody win with people like that. If you correct them on your name you'll be forever seen as a diva, even though they should show you the courtesy that you give them. Your child will only be with them for one school year so hopefully you won't have to interact with them for long.

My DD's teacher doesn't even use my name at all, just starts the message with the equivalent of "hi", and signs off with his first name. Tbf I don't use his name when replying either.

At DD's secondary school the teachers all go by their first names. I don't think half the kids know what their surnames are!

If it's important, why not ask to be referred to in the way you prefer? I don't really care whether I'm referred to similarly to how someone does themselves. The status/hierarchy thing about references doesn't concern me, the overall tone does.

Generally my preference is first name & no title, I'd do away with titles if I ruled the world, I think they're unnecessary nonsense, but I don't care to get upset about it. There's an element of sexism, classism, general elitism about them wrt their historical purpose, as I understand it

I don't think I'd even notice 😄

The teachers at my school are not allowed to refer you as anything other than Mrs Sdp.