To think it’s a bit odd when teachers refer to themselves by their surname yet address parents by their first name.

[Nonplusultra]

Since the dc have started secondary, and we’ve a wider pool of teachers, I’ve noticed this a few times.

If I email a Mr Smith and sign off Jane Jones, most people will respond Dear Jane, and sign off Sam Smith, and after that you’re on first name terms. Or they’ll write Ms Jones and sign off Sam Smith retaining a degree of formality.

But I’ve noticed that some teachers will use my first name but sign off as Mr Smith. If they want to retain their professional persona, that’s fine (although in this day and age it’s slightly odd), but in that case I think they should also address me as Ms Jones. It’s especially weird when I’m old enough to be their mum.

It’s not even in front of the children. I’ve even spoken on the phone like this “Hi Jane, It’s Mr Smith from dc’s school….”

It’s only a minority of teachers tbf , but I’ve only encountered this with teachers.

I really couldn't get worked up about this. If you sign off Jane Jones how do they know your title, people are often offended when mis-titled.
I'd prefer they put their energy and mental energy in to teaching my child, rather than faffing about looking at preferred email styles.

I see it a different way. “Miss Jones” is what my child calls his teacher. I know that this is the same title/surname naming convention that is used in general etiquette, but to me it’s really the equivalent of something like the American style “Coach Jones” or “Principal Jones”. I don’t mind them referring to themselves in the way the children refer to them. I don’t feel the need to insist on being addressed by my own title as it feels over-formal (this may be related to the fact that in my professional life it would be extremely old-fashioned to call a client or business peer “Mr Smith” even if we were meeting/addressing each other for the first time, and I believe that a relationship can still be respectful even when first names are used).

At my son’s school the teachers refer to each other in earshot of children as Mr X, Miss Y etc, but at something like a parent information evening when they speak to a group of people it would be “I’m Melissa Brown, Head of the Junior School”.

I heard a fellow parent say the other day “Oh, Mike told me bla blah” and it took me a moment to work out she was talking about Mike Bloggs the deputy head. It sounded weird to my ears and would have been easier if she’d said “Mr Bloggs” tbh.

I’m a teacher, I always start emails with “Good morning/afternoon” to solve the Mrs/Miss/Ms problem! I always sign off with my full name.

There are some parents I am on first name terms with as we email a lot, but I always take the lead from them.

Then it wouldn't be arduous for you to move it either. You're an adult. Just pick it up

I get called mrs ex name - we were never married so I’m Mrs othername they just call me shopper now
the ex gets called mr exname
i don’t overly care, as long as my kids are secure, happy and thriving at school

Bit pass ag though @Cosyblankets. And it should have been in place to begin with if any grey cells had been engaged.

I don't have this, I'm referred to as "Mrs Surname". Nobody has ever called me by my first name.

Probably expected you could use your own brain to decide where to sit...

It's really poor form to refer to yourself with your own title.

If a teacher signed off an email with Mrs Smith rather than Jane Smith I'd think they were an absolute idiot tbh

Everyday there's a new post complaining about something small and insignificant that teachers do. Teachers don't go out of their way to "power grab" as another poster suggested. We also don't "hate parents", only the ones that complain about ridiculous things.
Who cares how they sign off their emails? If you'd rather be addressed as Miss/Mrs/Mr whatever then just say.

Probably expected you could use your own brain to decide where to sit...

That's a bit disingenuous. I have no issue sitting in the small chair for a short parents evening meeting, but it absolutely isn't set up in a way where it's expected that the parent chooses where to sit. You're obviously meant to sit in the little chair that's been put in front of the table where the teacher is sitting. You are not meant to start moving chairs around, or picking a place to sit.

As I said, it doesn't bother me. But let's not pretend it would be anything other than weird for a parent to start moving chairs around in this situation.

I was responding to a post that was equally disingenuous, saying "And it should have been in place to begin with if any grey cells had been engaged"

I could think of millions of things that the teacher could have been engaging their brain cells in, other than moving furniture, in the 5 minutes most teachers are given between dismissal of the children and the first appointment on parents' evening.

The kids chairs are there already. I use them and tend to forget that other adults aren't used to doing so.

Although it's a moot point in my case as there's only one adult sized chair in my room.

Either way, thinking that a teacher has arranged the furniture or chosen a salutation as a "power move" is most likely to be wrong.

You do you.

I have to sign mine off in that way due to school policy. Maybe I am an absolute idiot, but it would be a shame for you to write all of the staff at my school off too, just for this reason. Some of them have useful things to say.

When I was teaching I gave up saying ‘Hi this is Leisa’ because even after many years and a hundred introduces they still said ‘who?’. I know people in their mid thirties now who still can’t get over addressing me as Miss 😂

Mrs Can’t is my ‘teaching name’. It is not my ‘name for the bank manager and formal documents’ (different title). It is not my ‘name for friends’. It is not my ‘name that my children call me’. It is not my ‘family nickname’. It is, probably, what my doctor might call e from my notes.

As I have different names for those different identities, I use them when I am communicating in those identities. I don’t think it makes me any more of an idiot to use my ‘teacher name’ when communicating as a teacher than to use ‘mum’ to my children. Now I WOULD be an idiot to sign off a letter to my bank or a legal letter with my family nickname……

Also loads of parents have emails like [email protected] and stuff. Just write their first name on contact forms. You don’t know their surname is the same as the child… sometimes I’d feel awkward using the first names but it was that or ‘Hi Bob’s mum’. Maybe it’s more joined up with computers now, but it used to be a case of trawling files in the office

yeah for me it really was like another identity. I used my maiden name I’d dropped at 19 for teaching, to give me a boundary in the community from being the teacher. It was like another person as I used my married name for everything else

It was insisted on by the head at the schools I worked at. I also found it odd.

Yes, your teaching name. For when you teach your pupils.

You don't teach the parents though, do you? When speaking to other adults you should revert to normal etiquette, which is introducing yourself/signing off with first + surname. Calling yourself Mrs Can't just makes you look a bit dim.

I hate to be called by anything but my first name, but as I know this is mildly odd, I don't expect the teacher to know that until I introduce myself as Jane. I don't mind if they call themselves Ms Bloggs, but if I know their first name, I'll tend to refer to them as Ms Bloggs to the child and Jenny Bloggs to my husband. This might have started as son's first teacher had a very common surname and we knew others!

We did have the one teacher who insisted that parents who came in to help were called Mr/Mrs Whatever and promptly referred to me as Mrs MyKidsName, which isn't actually my name. I corrected him, gently and not in front of the kids, and pointed out it was a bit of an assumption. He was young.

Why on earth would parents be annoyed at being called “sammy’s Mum?” You ARE Sammy‘S Mum are you not?

Teachers have to learn 30 new kids names and you want them to learn Mum and Dad’s names too? Catch a grip and get a real problem to deal with. This is pathetic and heaven help poor teachers. Their Job is to educate your child well not appease you

I’m autistic so I just asked my DSs head of year which she preferred… along with a long spiel about how I just don’t know and (like my son) am autistic so socially inept. She was very kind, I now call her Sarah. She also uses my first name… we’re sadly in frequent contact due to DSs autism.

He's asserting his dominance. Next time you see him in person have a little wee on his desk to reassert yourself.

The one I worked at, the children used first names for all the staff too. I really liked it.

If youve signed off Jane Jones, I'd assume you wanted me to call you Jane before I'd assume the title you'd want used.