To think it’s a bit odd when teachers refer to themselves by their surname yet address parents by their first name.

[Nonplusultra]

Since the dc have started secondary, and we’ve a wider pool of teachers, I’ve noticed this a few times.

If I email a Mr Smith and sign off Jane Jones, most people will respond Dear Jane, and sign off Sam Smith, and after that you’re on first name terms. Or they’ll write Ms Jones and sign off Sam Smith retaining a degree of formality.

But I’ve noticed that some teachers will use my first name but sign off as Mr Smith. If they want to retain their professional persona, that’s fine (although in this day and age it’s slightly odd), but in that case I think they should also address me as Ms Jones. It’s especially weird when I’m old enough to be their mum.

It’s not even in front of the children. I’ve even spoken on the phone like this “Hi Jane, It’s Mr Smith from dc’s school….”

It’s only a minority of teachers tbf , but I’ve only encountered this with teachers.

Sounds like yet another bit of pointless shit teachers have to deal with. You must have the patience of saints.

And if anyone on here is one of the parents complaining about being addressed by name instead of title you need to really get over yourself.

DDs primary school HT used to ring up and use her first name! It was an unusual name and threw me every time.

My child's teachers use their first names but I hate it because I've got to ask (or often forget to ask) their surnames so that I know who they are in my child's version of things

I can't be worked up about this. I hate being addressed with a title. Just call me by my name. For the teachers, I'd imagine it's because most parents don't know their first names. It's like the brownie leader calling herself brown owl. There's nothing wrong.

I (teacher) always give my full name on the phone and in emails because if I just call myself Everyday then how will you know what your child knows me as? I usually say "is that first name? I'mfull name. I teach child my subject " to give as much information as possible. I also mimic the parents' sign off myself. It is tricky when people put their full name and you have to guess their title though!

It's not a contempt thing though, when teachers give their teacher name: it's just making sure you know who they are.

@InterFactual I think that's just your family... Occasionally I feel sorry for the children of particular parents, but I certainly don't despise parents!

I come from a family of teachers. In my experience most teachers hate parents (unfairly in my opinion). I think this is just another sign of how little respect teachers have for them.

Not my experience at all.

teachers don’t see you as professionals

Ummm... no. Teachers mostly have no idea whatsoever whether you are a professional (why would they?) and almost certainly the way they speak to you or address you will have nothing to do with what job you do. It almost sounds as though you think we should show more respect to professionals than to parents who aren't professionals. Do you? I teach hundreds of students. I know what job the parents of about 5 of them do, and four of those are teachers at my school!

Hopefully, for their sakes, I hope that 'promptly' will be during schools hours only and when they have the time!

I remember a teacher in person introducing himself as Mr Green, so I used Mrs Autumn for a meeting about safeguarding. I was the only parent who didn't use the simpering just call me Firstname. But I always respond in kind, keeping others at the boundary they are comfortable with. I'm not interested in getting informal with teachers.

Do some teachers still sit you on a child's chair whilst occupying an adult one themselves? That used to feel odd to me.

Conkersinautumn
I also liked a bit of professional distance with parents when I was still teaching. As a parent now I appreciate the professional boundaries.

I think overfamiliarity can cause issues at times. For example an overfamiliar or more informal member of staff has the great relationships, informal banter, especially in situations where the child/parents are hard to engage, and then when the member of staff has to share bad news, or escalate something, or can't pull some strings then it feels quite personal. I've had some awkward conversations at work when parents and students have felt quite let down that the "sound" member of staff appeared to change the rules of play, and that usually ended up expressed as anger to me because I was the bad cop trying to get some boundaries back in place.

I honestly don't give a flying fuck what my twins' teachers call me. They have SO many parents and carers to deal with, not all of whom have the same surname as the child(ren).

I tend to struggle with names anyway, and have (mainly) polite nicknames for all school staff to help me remember which one is which and, luckily, I have never slipped up by calling them in person or correspondence.

I do at parents' evenings. I am sitting at the table for 4 hours. The parents are there for ten minutes each. There is one adult sized chair and many small ones in the room. It's not a power thing, it's a 10 minutes is probably ok but 4 hours would cause me a lot of pain thing.

As for addressing parents, when I'm in "work mode," I'm "Miss X" so I tend to use that with everyone, including parents and sometimes even colleagues. I will address parents as best I can. I do tend to start phone calls with "am I speaking to Y's mum?" because that helps to clarify. It means I don't have to hope that I'm pronouncing their name correctly. I will reply to emails using the name that they have signed off with. If a parent makes clear that they prefer "Ms Z" then I will use that. I try not to overthink it as then I'd never use anyone's name and things would get confusing.

Im a teacher. Dh is a teacher. I come from a family of teachers. Dh comes from a family of teachers. As you can imagine, many of our friends are teachers.

The teachers in your family may hate parents, but please don’t extrapolate from this that most teachers hate parents. It simply isn’t true. It’s also a hugely inflammatory and unhelpful statement.

As both a teacher and as a parent of two children whose teachers have almost always been supportive, kind and helpful to me, I do not recognise the dynamic you describe.

I agree with the op. It's an equality issue. If one if the teachers wanted to call me Roses, I expected them to invite me to call them by their first name. If they want me to call them Mrs Smith, they may call me Mrs Hellebores.

The same goes for doctors.

It's reductive to address another adult with less respect and courtesy than you wish to receive in the 21st Century.

You do realise that setting out the room won't be the teacher's job?

In my experience, teachers have always called me Mrs * and used their own first name to begin with, then I sign off the email with my first name and they then start using my first name.

I agree @marmaladeandpeanutbutter. @Cosyblankets of course moving a little chair next to the teacher's desk wouldn't be the teacher's job but there was usually another big chair close by them and it isn't awfully arduous to switch chairs. Difficult though if it isn't on the jd.

I do at parents' evenings. I am sitting at the table for 4 hours. The parents are there for ten minutes each. There is one adult sized chair and many small ones in the room. It's not a power thing, it's a 10 minutes is probably ok but 4 hours would cause me a lot of pain thing.

Exactly this. Each classroom has exactly 1 adult sized chair, and I need to sit for the whole of the evening. I would love to offer you larger chairs, but there are none available. While I know it is uncomfortable for 10 minutes, it is impossible for me to sit for 4 hours on a tiny chair without injury.

I apologise. It’s not ideal, but it’s not a power thing.

It's not a power thing, it's a 10 minutes is probably ok but 4 hours would cause me a lot of pain thing.

Exactly. Some parents attribute all kinds of unpleasant motives to teachers' actions. It probably often dates back to their own experiences at school, unfortunately. Teachers don't hate parents. They hate the behaviour of certain parents. I've been a teacher for nearly 30 years in a range of different types of school. I have encountered only a handful of problematic parents. Most are fine or actively lovely.

Email etiquette is generally to address the person you're talking to however they sign off. If you write Kind Regards, Mrs X I expect they'd respond Dear Mrs X.

@Nonplusultra if they address you as Jane on the phone, you say it's "Ms. Jones". That then sets the boundary and your preference. Sometimes I get random people I don't know calling me from various businesses and address me by my first name, then I state how I actually want to be addressed. I don't like the assumption and overfamiliarity of some people calling me by my first name. We're not friends. So, you need to make your personal preference clear.

Ex teacher here. I agree with others in the profession that, but all sorts of reasons, keeping professional boundaries is best. As a parent and someone on the other side now, I feel like just this is just as strongly. Yes, it’s nice if you can have a friendly relationship with your child’s teacher. But you never know if a difficult situation might arise where keeping to Mr/Mrs/Ms then feels a lot easier all round.

I really couldn’t give a flying fuck how I am addressed, first name or full name or whatever. As long as they’re helpful, polite and productive with whatever we are discussing, I cannot get myself worked up over how I’m addressed. I don’t get it.

I’m very guilty of this! If I call a parent I’ll always say something like “hi is this Jane, Steve’s mum? This is mr smith calling from X school…”. I just assume parents don’t know me by my first name and would be confused otherwise, this way they know it’s the class teacher calling and not someone in the office. I never even thought it might be rude, parents at our primary school seem happy to be addressed by their first name or “mum” and “dad”. Maybe it’s different at secondary?