To think it’s a bit odd when teachers refer to themselves by their surname yet address parents by their first name.

[Nonplusultra]

Since the dc have started secondary, and we’ve a wider pool of teachers, I’ve noticed this a few times.

If I email a Mr Smith and sign off Jane Jones, most people will respond Dear Jane, and sign off Sam Smith, and after that you’re on first name terms. Or they’ll write Ms Jones and sign off Sam Smith retaining a degree of formality.

But I’ve noticed that some teachers will use my first name but sign off as Mr Smith. If they want to retain their professional persona, that’s fine (although in this day and age it’s slightly odd), but in that case I think they should also address me as Ms Jones. It’s especially weird when I’m old enough to be their mum.

It’s not even in front of the children. I’ve even spoken on the phone like this “Hi Jane, It’s Mr Smith from dc’s school….”

It’s only a minority of teachers tbf , but I’ve only encountered this with teachers.

I'm on first name terms with all the teachers in my kids school.

It's a very friendly and relaxed school

I do a lot for them and like that's it's not stuffy and formal

It's a power grab. Just politely correct them.

I think that's a 'hour family' thing, but a teacher thing. I've been a teacher since the 80s and have never met a teacher who 'hates parents'. We may find the occasional one rude, or otherwise annoying but hate? We don't have the time or energy for it for one thing, and for another why would we hate random other people?
I think your characterisation of this teacher based on nothing but one parent's observation about an email signature (which actually may be pre written and its form dictated by the school) as being 'like that' (like what?) and not worth dealing with suggests it's you who is doing the hating. Very odd attitude.

Excuse typos. On the app so can't edit. 'Your family' and not (rather than but). I do t think they obscure meaning too much.

I don't know my dc's teachers first name so wouldn't know what to call them. I don't care what people call me tbh.

Anyone signing off as ‘Mr Smith’ would grate on me. It should be Sam Smith or just Sam.
They really ought to know better.

I'm a teacher and sign off emails/dojo messages with my full name...first name so I don't sound patronising and surname so they actually know who I am. I think I only started that about 5 years ago after reading on here how parents felt about it 🤣 I promise I don't take all my advice from Mumsnet but it's so important to have positive interactions with parents.

I find teachers who are precious about the "Mr./Miss Smith" thing weird and it comes over as a bit arrogant in my opinion.

I'm a teacher and yes, kids call me "Mrs. Hat" because that's the convention of the school. But I'd never sign an email off "Mrs. Hat"- I'd sign it off as "Yoko Hat". And at a parents evening I always introduce myself with "Hello, I'm Yoko Hat and I'm Bob's history teacher". I'm not referring to myself as "Mrs. Hat" to another adult who's often older than me.

Can’t say I’ve come across this. I’d only assume they are using the name they would expect their child to of referred to them by.

At one of my children’s school there is no Mr or Mrs, Sir or madam, Even the head teacher is just Dave. The children can go and chat to Dave, morning Dave.

You are overthinking it! I’m a teacher and I genuinely can’t even think how I sign off to parents I just do it without thinking, I don’t have time to sit and make decisions like that.

These days I do not really care as long as they are being proactive in responding to my queries and taking action promptly!

This is how it is at my DD's school, they don't go in for formality here, the children all call the teachers by their first names or by nicknames (nice nicknames, they're not calling them mean nicknames, at least not as far as I know!)

Do they generally get the title and surname right? I've been misaddressed as Mrs before when school were attempting to be polite, which I don't care for, and I'd prefer to be Xs Mum to that.

TrashedSofa
Everywhere I've worked the information is on the child's record with the contact details.
In the rare event it isn't I would ask for Firstname Lastname.

I never ask for Child'sname Mum because they are a person in their own right. I feel the same in meetings where parents are addressed as Mum/Dad rather than their names. I also hate being addressed as Mum or Child's Mum by professionals too

Oh I know mine is on the school records. I'm the form filler in our house. But that hasn't resulted in always being correctly addressed, which is why I was wondering if they actually get it right in practice.

No one gets pissed off if you call them mr mrs ms whatever?
There are countless threads on here about wanting / not wanting to be called Ms when it's Mrs and vice versa.
People can't win.

One of my dc teachers call everyone miss and sir. He knows our names but always calls us formally. He says it's respect both ways

I get 'mum', to my face, via email or phone. DC has additional needs, I speak to them each week so they all know my name, they just choose not to use it despite me replying with my name every time!

You could correct them but I'm not sure I'd bother. They're often a highly strung bunch.

This really annoyed me too! I'd make a point of addressing them by first name if they addressed me by first name.

I agree it’s a bit odd between grown adults if it’s someone you speak to on a one to one basis multiple times. It doesn’t really bother me though, I’d agree the annoying one is being called ‘mum’

They always call me by my title and surname, when I email (frequently as we have ND children and 1 is taught at home by professional home tutors, but still enrolled at her original school, I even sign off with my first name and they still call me
By my Dr FloofCloud name

I’m always referred as Harry’s and Olivia’s mum, I don’t know if they actually know my name 🤣 I think the surname things is for consistency. The teachers at my kids school also refer to themselves and all their colleagues by second name. I’ve spent some time with them and they don’t even call each other by first name. It’s just easier that way, they don’t want the kids to start messing around with first names
also if they phone me I think it’s so I know who they are, they are known as miss smith for instance not Jane. But I still sign my emails with first name

I do think it would be strange. Our schools never do this. They always use a title surname. In both directions.

It would annoy me too.

Either we're on first name terms or we aren't.

If it's one of those automatic email sign offs that some people have then I guess I would turn a blind eye, though.

We can win, easily. Listen to other people's preferences, and speak up about our own. Then people can treat each other according to those preferences. It's no different to when people have a name for which there's variations in how it's spoken or written. I get asked about different variations of my name sometimes. One or two people have said they prefer a varient I never use, I told them it's cool, go for it

It's only hard if you try to pick one approach and apply it to everyone.