THE toughest thing about being a new parent on maternity/paternity leave is getting people to understand how tough and all encompassing it is. Often those people include our own partner.
Every mum you see sitting in the coffee shop happily eating cake, will have spent an hour preparing to leave the house and has had to pack the equivalent of a weekend back to drag around with her. There would have been a nappy change a feed, maybe pumping or making extra bottles to take with. Probably a last-minute nappy change.... that always happens. This mum tucking into her cake, will have had a last minute dash around to put dishes in the dishwasher and clothes in the washing machine so, to the partner due home in a few hours, it looks like she's done some sort of housework. Because that's what the partner always expects, you're home all day you do housework, making no allowance the fact that the child is literally stuck to your chest for most of the day. Babies either don't want you to put them down or they're feeding. You really can't do anything when you have a baby attached to your chest, and trust me I bought a very expensive baby carrier to see what I could manage to do with my hands free, and it's still not a lot.
But onto this cake. No doubt this is the first thing she's eaten since breakfast because every time she thinks to go and eat something the baby cries or need something. Hot food is out of the question if you're holding your baby at the same time. This often leaves such a unappealing selection of cold-can-eat-with-one-hand food, many mums just don't bother. That cake eating mum is probably starving and this is her first food in hours.
Coffee shops are an expensive way to get a cuppa and a cake but they do offer the opportunity to sit around other people. And that mum will really want to sit around other people. Being at home with the baby all day wouldn't be so bad if partner came home at the end of the working day and wanted to engage in conversation, but inevitably they're knackered and just want to sit quietly watching TV or playing games. Any friends or family who come around just want to talk about and fuss over a baby, something the mum desperately wants a break from.
And this is life for 3-12 months. I want to say it gets easier, it doesn't. Yes it gets to a point where the baby is okay with you putting them down, but only so they can crawl themselves into all sorts of trouble if you're not watching them, literally every second. My daughter was happily sat on the sofa, I had my back to her for long enough to put a book back on a bookshelf, and she threw herself head-first off the sofa and landed on her head with a bang that was audible... so add the odd A&E trip to that maternity leave.
Work is a lot less stressful and at least you get to have a lunch break. That was the bit I resented most about my partner, the fact he got to have a lunch break. I was so jealous at his being able to have a quiet bite to eat or a stroll around some shops without having to pack for every eventuality first. Yeah, even though I wasn't working, that first year was very much my toughest year. And my daughter slept through the night at a very early age so I didn't even have to contend with ridiculous amounts of sleep deprivation that others have.
Questions 😁