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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

WWYD - Intervene or keep walking?

268 replies

StepInOrLookAway · 16/10/2023 15:27

Group of 9 kids, boys and girls, around 11 years old. One boy on the ground with 4 boys standing over him, at least one pushing down on him.

If you witnessed this would you intervene? If not, why not? Out of fear for your own safety? Would you alert anyone else? No judgement, just interested.

OP posts:
Cloverbaby · 16/10/2023 19:02

I’d definitely intervene. Like others have mentioned, I’d tell them to leave him
alone and then make sure he was alright and got home ok.

tachetastic · 16/10/2023 19:03

How about: "Oh wow, what happened? I've called the police and ambulance. Who wants to wait with me and help explain?"

"No? Why are you all running away???"

DeadbeatYoda · 16/10/2023 19:04

Absolutely, I'd intervene. I'd take a photo as I marched over too.

Guesswho88 · 16/10/2023 19:05

Absolutely I'd intervene. But I'm kind of hot tempered like that.

Siameasy · 16/10/2023 19:09

I would if it were a real fight and not some tomfoolery

Mammajay · 16/10/2023 19:09

I would, and have, intervened in a situation like this. Usually it diffuses the situation,just having someone breaking it up.

Turtletumy · 16/10/2023 19:11

I did.
There was a group of teenagers (about 14), who looked like they were kicking a boy on the floor as I drove past.
I stopped, stormed out of the car raging and shouting at them to leave him alone, I was so angry.
As I got closer it dawned on me that I had no idea what I was going to do if I reached them, so I just yelled some more.
The boy stood up and said it’s ok we were just messing about.
I got back in the car and drove off, a bit embarrassed tbh.
However if anything had happened to that boy I know I couldn’t have lived with myself if I hadn’t tried to stop it.
It was probably a stupid thing to do in retrospect,I am 59 and the only thing I had on my side was a big mouth.
Would I do it again? …. Probably.

Livelovebehappy · 16/10/2023 19:12

StepInOrLookAway · 16/10/2023 15:27

Group of 9 kids, boys and girls, around 11 years old. One boy on the ground with 4 boys standing over him, at least one pushing down on him.

If you witnessed this would you intervene? If not, why not? Out of fear for your own safety? Would you alert anyone else? No judgement, just interested.

I’d absolutely intervene. It would just be something I would do in the moment probably, and then think about how it could have turned nasty afterwards. I just couldn’t walk on by and leave someone to be bullied and get hurt. Might be different if they were older teens, as more potential for violence.

tachetastic · 16/10/2023 19:15

I hate myself for saying I don't know what I would do if I was with my own kids.

I would definitely call the police, but I don't know if I would want to attract a gang of thugs towards my own children.

Okaaaay · 16/10/2023 19:27

I definitely would intervene. 100% in most situations like that (one’s with much older males probably not) though even then, I’d raise hell to get support from others.

Papillon23 · 16/10/2023 19:28

I've never yet had to intervene by more than either just standing there conspicuously staring or by calling out "Afternoon Boys, every alright?"

I don't know what I'd do if that didn't do it, probably call the police I hope.

jays · 16/10/2023 19:29

SophieJo · 16/10/2023 15:28

What did you do?

Could you not just answer and not be that ‘first poster’ who always gets ‘in there’ just to be an arse? Honest to god… I’m starting to wonder if folk actually sit there all day, poised at their keyboards waiting desperately so they can ‘set the tone’ of the replies. It’s so bloody tiresome.

Absc · 16/10/2023 19:42

I would add my phone on speaker and call 999 straight away as the kids would hear and likely run that is if I had my two kids with me as one is 17 weeks. It alone would def intervene more and have done in the past. It helped when I said to kids I knew what school they went to and that I recognised one of them. They soon stopped but this was before anything other than verbal abuse had begun

Balloonhearts · 16/10/2023 19:53

Depends. If they looked the sort of kids to be carrying knives I'd just call police and maybe video a few seconds as evidence so they get prosecuted.

If I had the dog with me I'd intervene regardless as he's large, intimidating and loud about it. Any attempt at assaulting me would quickly have them re-evaluating their life choices.

If someone else were nearby I'd rope them in and intervene together. Less likely to get hurt in numbers.

Really depends on a number of factors.

FarEast · 16/10/2023 20:01

I would (and have) gone super-school ma’am:

“What do you boys think you are doing? Leave him alone at once. Now get up and go home immediately.“

I said much this to a group of lads in the high street once. They looked shocked at someone telling them off.

StepInOrLookAway · 16/10/2023 20:04

Balloonhearts · 16/10/2023 19:53

Depends. If they looked the sort of kids to be carrying knives I'd just call police and maybe video a few seconds as evidence so they get prosecuted.

If I had the dog with me I'd intervene regardless as he's large, intimidating and loud about it. Any attempt at assaulting me would quickly have them re-evaluating their life choices.

If someone else were nearby I'd rope them in and intervene together. Less likely to get hurt in numbers.

Really depends on a number of factors.

I appreciate what you're saying but, in the moment, it's not a decision that you logically make (or it wasn't for me anyway). It was more an instinct/reflex. It's probably one of those situations where you wouldn't know how you'd react unless you were confronted with it. It's not the first time I've intervened in a situation like this and, although I was a bit scared, my adrenaline was pumping and forced me to step in. It wasn't a rational choice. It does worry me that I'm so emotionally driven as I'm aware it could get me into trouble at some point.

OP posts:
givemeasunnyday · 16/10/2023 20:04

I would intervene, surely any adult would?

Melodysmum12 · 16/10/2023 20:10

I’d intervene with kids this age even as a woman but wouldn’t if my 5yo was with me but would call the police and tell them I was calling the police. Would hope someone would do the same for me or my child.

WhitewitchYorkshire · 16/10/2023 20:14

Definitely intervene.. my boyfriend, some years ago was being chased by someone who threatened to stab him (I didn’t know this but just saw him running down the road from my house!) I ran out and down the road and grabbed the guy by the throat! With hindsight maybe not a great idea but I think you do what needs to be done at the time instinctively.

Balloonhearts · 16/10/2023 20:19

I'd not do anything on instinct, I'd assess what I'm seeing, my own situation and make a snap decision based on that. The process would look something like this.

What are they doing? Shit. Little pricks. Should I do something?

Kids aren't here. Pro.

Look like they've been dragged up, bit cocksure, think they're hard, doubt they'll back down straight away. Con.

Got Oscar for back up. They try to touch me, he'll have them. Pro. Take his lead off, we're going for scary vibe.

'What the fuck do you lot think you're doing!' And take it from there.

cakewench · 16/10/2023 20:19

I'd intervene where I live. I work in the local school and have face like a bulldog when I'm even mildly perturbed, and a good booming voice when required. If it were happening in my neighbourhood I would almost certainly know the children involved which would probably light a fire under them, assuming they're the sort who actually care about whether or not their parents find out.

(Don't worry, I don't go around telling children off. In fact, I think the reason I generally don't is why they tend to listen first go when I do. I like them and they like me)

As others have said though, I might pause if we were somewhere else. Though I don't really think I would; I hate the thought of children ganging up on one child like that. I'd also hate if it were my child and people just walked past.

Also there's usually just one or two who are actually intent on causing harm. The others just need snapping out of it. Generally speaking.

kingkongs · 16/10/2023 20:30

Yes I'd intervene.

LalalaIcanthearyouO · 16/10/2023 20:36

‘The police are on their way and I’ve got you on camera - now get off of him!’

Vitriolinsanity · 16/10/2023 20:40

Intervene, phone in hand dialling 999.

Done before, wouldn't hesitate again.

Latenightreader · 16/10/2023 22:57

I’d intervene, but I’ve been the 11 year old (and the 9 year old, and the 14 year old) who was beaten up in the street and no one intervened. On one occasion I was across the road from a bus queue when a taller girl picked me up by my hair and shook me and shook me. I screamed for help and it took an awful long while for an adult to cross the road and help. “Stop that” she said, and the girl stopped at once.

I have intervened when it seemed afterwards to be kids messing about. But it might not have been, and maybe it made them think about outward appearances.