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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

WWYD - Intervene or keep walking?

268 replies

StepInOrLookAway · 16/10/2023 15:27

Group of 9 kids, boys and girls, around 11 years old. One boy on the ground with 4 boys standing over him, at least one pushing down on him.

If you witnessed this would you intervene? If not, why not? Out of fear for your own safety? Would you alert anyone else? No judgement, just interested.

OP posts:
Gymnopedie · 16/10/2023 18:30

I would intervene and have done - in a situation where a lot of other adults were standing round in a circle watching.

I've also intervened when two men were fighting (again with an audience) on the seafront at Filey, which is renowned for being child friendly. I told them to go away and do it somewhere else, not in front of a lot of kids.

43ontherocksporfavor · 16/10/2023 18:32

I’m a HLTA and it’s hard to not use my school face and voice in these situations. I get the concern these days though.

Advicerequest · 16/10/2023 18:35

Not sure
although when I saw three boys roughing up another boy down the side of a cinema inintervened.

JudgeJ · 16/10/2023 18:36

Motomum23 · 16/10/2023 15:29

I would intervene. I would have my phone out with 999 ready to go and shout at the group that I was calling the police in the hope that they scarper and then I'd help the kid.

I would also takes photos of the scrotes so that if they did run off they could be traced.

Schoolchoicesucks · 16/10/2023 18:37

With 11 year olds - yes. I would shout and I would have my phone ready to call police in case needed.

With 13 year olds, I would probably do the same but, sadly from a distance as I would be scared of physical retaliation.

With 14+ year olds I would call police and potentially film for evidence if I could do that at the same time.

ToastMarmalade · 16/10/2023 18:37

I would of course, imagine that was your child on the ground there and an adult walked past and did nothing.

BackAgainstWall · 16/10/2023 18:38

Yes, instinctively I would intervene.

Zanatdy · 16/10/2023 18:39

I’d always intervene and couldn’t not

Cats1234567 · 16/10/2023 18:42

Sadly I cannot directly intervene anymore due to having a disability but I will call the police and get help and check on the injured child.

Hocuspocusnonsense · 16/10/2023 18:42

I would intervene.

One day that might be my child and I would HOPE someone would help!

When I was at secondary school I saw a boy about 15 with a big group of lads walking very close behind him and something felt off about it. I hurried on by. I later learned that boy missed his GCSE exams because they beat him up so badly he was hospitalised. I’ve never forgotten it.

newamsterdam · 16/10/2023 18:43

DustyLee123 · 16/10/2023 15:29

I doubt I would, due to my own safety.

They are primary school kids, how scared could you be of them?

I would, and I have.

Miamisun · 16/10/2023 18:44

I would 100% intervene but that’s only
because im really reactive then regret my life choices. I would have shouted and got involved for sure then over thought how crazy I am / that something bad could have happened

Emotionalsupportviper · 16/10/2023 18:47

AT that age, I'd definitely intervene.

14 years and over - maybe not, but would alert someone/ call police

Anselma · 16/10/2023 18:48

FOJN · 16/10/2023 16:45

Absolutely, feign innocence and pretend you think they are helping a friend with a medical emergency. Tell them you've called an ambulance and they're sending the police too because it's a child.

Good ideas for responses.
Better than going in telling them off and making accusations and possibly risking aggression.

Puffalicious · 16/10/2023 18:48

Motomum23 · 16/10/2023 15:29

I would intervene. I would have my phone out with 999 ready to go and shout at the group that I was calling the police in the hope that they scarper and then I'd help the kid.

This. My son is 11. I'd hope other people would help him. What is the world coming to when we're scared of 11 year olds?

OldTinHat · 16/10/2023 18:49

I waded in in a similar situation but men in their 20s. I didn't even think twice. It was only afterwards that I thought wtf did I do! But I'm early 50s and have a scary mum face.

I absolutely would stride in if kids, 100%.

Deyjxh · 16/10/2023 18:49

This has happened to me. A year 7 pupil who used to go to my child’s primary. They had SEN. Approx 50 plus teenagers ‘teasing’ and filming him and his reaction’. Yes I stepped in, yes I stood over him and called for help, to other passing parents on way to primary school.

The teenagers moved on. I could not walk by.

ImCamembertTheBigCheese · 16/10/2023 18:50

Intervene. I've been that kid and no one did anything.

Coldinscotland · 16/10/2023 18:51

Once drove my car at a gang of lads beating 1 lad up. Got him into my car and took him home. No regrets..

Anonymouslyposting · 16/10/2023 18:51

Depends where I was probably. Back in my provincial hometown? Probably intervene. Here in central London? Probably try to stay in sight of them and inconspicuously phone the police (that’s what I did when I saw some guy hitting a woman in the street) - too much of a risk it’s gang related and could be dangerous round here.

Missingmyusername · 16/10/2023 18:52

Intervene.

Lifeomars · 16/10/2023 18:54

I would intervene, I have in the past when I saw a group of lads in this age group all surrounding another boy and kicking him. Didn't even pause to think, waded in, told them off and waited with the lone boy til they had gone and it felt safe for him to make his way home. I always think of the James Bulger case and how although people spoke to Thomson and Venables, nobody did anything. This must haunt them

tachetastic · 16/10/2023 18:57

43ontherocksporfavor · 16/10/2023 18:22

I was once in my car outside DC school and an over 6ft guy from the nearby college was drinking juice from a large carton while walking. He then just chucked it on the ground. I wound my window down and told him to pick it up…. he did!!! I then realise what I’d done and my heart just about recovered by the time I got my kids. DH went mad when I told him.

Of course he did. Keep in mind that most people are still nice even if so many are not.

And good for you for calling out the litterers! He'll think twice about maybe holding on until he passes a bin next time!

Totalwasteofpaper · 16/10/2023 18:59

Intervene at 11 for sure...

Exception when I didn't.... I saw similar situation but boys were older (16-1) and it was 3 on 1.

I didn't intervene or say anything as at least one had a knife (the boy who was out numbered) so I popped into the police station which was about 300m away and advised them there was a skirmish

NothingSurprisesMeAnymore · 16/10/2023 18:59

I couldn't live with myself if I didn't intervene - I shouted at a group of mid-teens (all boys) bullying and filming a younger boy near their school. They laughed and dispersed when I walked into the group and asked them what they thought they were doing. A male teacher was not far away and came over and thanked me when he saw the commotion, but what concerned me was that other pupils and adults just walked past as if nothing was happening!