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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

WWYD - Intervene or keep walking?

268 replies

StepInOrLookAway · 16/10/2023 15:27

Group of 9 kids, boys and girls, around 11 years old. One boy on the ground with 4 boys standing over him, at least one pushing down on him.

If you witnessed this would you intervene? If not, why not? Out of fear for your own safety? Would you alert anyone else? No judgement, just interested.

OP posts:
Aria999 · 18/10/2023 02:46

I would intervene. Probably just by going and asking what was happening.

I have a loud voice and authoritative manner and i do martial arts so am probably overconfident. Goodness knows what I would do if it actually turned nasty.

SallyWD · 18/10/2023 07:56

Once when I was about 16 a girl my age (complete stranger) just started beating me up in the town centre. Ok, she was 16 but she was a tiny scrap of a lass. Incredibly strong though! The force of her punches to my head were something else.
A few weeks layer she spotted me again, obviously remembered I was easy to beat up and did it again.
There was a third incident within the same year where I walked past a different girl and apparently "looked at her the wrong way" and once again was beaten up very violently in public.
These three incidents had the most terrible effect on me. I completely lost all confidence and became scared to go out. I had panic attacks and I felt too humiliated to tell anyone. What really stuck with me was that no one helped me! Even my friends just ran off each time. I understand people are scared but still. These were three awful attacks in public where I was badly hurt, there were loads of people around. People just walked by. It's the most horrible feeling.

Brutalass · 18/10/2023 08:16

I would intervene, loudly, and I wouldn't hesitate. If that was your child you would hope that someone would too - surely?

Pack mentality is just awful.

Bullying of any kind is just awful.

Bullies don't scare me any more - (woman in her 50's) and I'd fight for man, woman, child or animal.

If they turned on me the red mist would kick in!

jo19 · 18/10/2023 13:01

I would absolutely intervene very loudly so other people would be encouraged to intervene too. Imagine if it was your son on the floor.

Angrywife · 18/10/2023 15:13

I intervened when it was a gang of blokes against 1, too right I would if it was kids.

Livingonthedarkside · 18/10/2023 20:06

My dad (65y) was in this situation and the kid on the floor had some special needs, my dad stepped in (he’s super caring and considerate) and the other kids jumped on my dad, got him to the ground, stamped on his ribs and kicked him in the face.
My dad is 6ft 5 and medium built, so no small bloke. He has glasses and hearing aids, scattered everywhere.. no one helped my dad, although the police were called and were supportive to him

Sayitaintso33 · 18/10/2023 20:52

I applaud those who would intervene. I hope I would be brave enough to do so.

For those worried about repercussions, overtly filming thugs is potentially dangerous as they might attack you to take your phone. You are probably safer shouting at them and hoping they are startled and desist/disperse.

Calling the police always seems a sensible idea, but the police will take time to arrive. Meanwhile the poor kid continues to be battered.

jrc1071 · 21/10/2023 18:28

Intervening while filming, call the police

Sayit33 · 24/10/2023 07:21

I would jump out of the car in a heartbeat, I mean blocking traffic, the whole deal.
That shit don't fly around me. I would control the environment n I would try talking to them about having a troubled background is bad for jobs, everything.

Watsername · 24/10/2023 10:51

Intervene. I have done so in the past. I put my best teacher voice on and asked the victim ‘are you ok? Do you need help?’. The gang continued and I started to dial 999 while verbalising what I was doing loudly. As it happened an adult who knew the children came past and stopped the fight, but I would not hesitate to actually call 999.

43ontherocksporfavor · 24/10/2023 10:52

Imagine being the individual on the floor and seeing adults walk on by. I couldn’t live with myself.

Unithorn · 24/10/2023 10:53

It's interesting how so many claim they'd intervene yet this isn't reflected in what happens in real life; most incidents like this don't have anyone to intervene. Personally sat behind my computer right now I would like to think I would, but the reality if I was in that situation then i don't know. I'd definitely call the police but would I risk getting stabbed or kicked to the ground? Not sure.

Merryoldgoat · 24/10/2023 11:05

@Unithorn

I think adrenaline is an oddity - I intervened when I saw someone hit their child on the school run and the dad squared up to me. He backed off pretty quickly but I look back and think I must’ve been mad.

My grandmother ran outside in her nightdress with a broom when she heard a man being attacked at 2am (I was there, about 12 so she would’ve been 60 ish) scared off the assailants and brought him in the house.

There’s no way I’d do that.

I don’t think we can be sure how we’d react until we are faced with it.

Unithorn · 24/10/2023 11:07

Merryoldgoat · 24/10/2023 11:05

@Unithorn

I think adrenaline is an oddity - I intervened when I saw someone hit their child on the school run and the dad squared up to me. He backed off pretty quickly but I look back and think I must’ve been mad.

My grandmother ran outside in her nightdress with a broom when she heard a man being attacked at 2am (I was there, about 12 so she would’ve been 60 ish) scared off the assailants and brought him in the house.

There’s no way I’d do that.

I don’t think we can be sure how we’d react until we are faced with it.

Yeah exactly. Of course I'd love to think someone would intervene if it was my child and that I would do so myself; but I wouldn't judge a lone female for not doing so (or anyone else really but in context of this discussion).

Iwasafool · 25/10/2023 09:41

I'm sorry but I would judge an adult who walked on by when a child was being assaulted.

2chocolateoranges · 25/10/2023 09:43

I would intervene (and have done ,children were approx 11 years old) without a second thought for myself, I would hope someone would help my child out in that situation.

Iwasafool · 25/10/2023 09:45

I did have a wry smile when my mid 70s disabled husband spoke up when a gang of young men were threatening a young train manager. One of them said, "Just remember you are on your own." DH shouted, "No she isn't." The funny thing is they got up and left the carriage, I'm not sure what half a dozen ruffians in their late teens early 20s thought a disabled old man was going to do. Cowards aren't they.

Just to clarify she was trying to get them to move from a first class carriage as they didn't have first class tickets.

Onelifeonly · 25/10/2023 09:50

Honestly, it would depend on the situation at the time. I'm a teacher so used to dealing with kids authoritatively but also slightly built. If I knew them, yes. If other adults were around who could be supportive, yes. Otherwise, I'm not sure.

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