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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Inlaws bailing last minute... again!

339 replies

inlawsruinmylife · 16/10/2023 01:47

Supposed to be going away for a long weekend for our first wedding anniversary next week. DD (11 mo) is going to my inlaws. MIL begged us to let them have her, and I reluctantly agreed- she's had her a couple of times for the day and when we've collected her she's done nothing but complain about silly little things. She's also bailed on us last minute a few times for work... I appreciate that can't be helped, and I don't begrudge her for that, but for our first wedding anniversary I really wanted something reliable!

Anyway, she turned around and said she can only do 3 of the 4 days because she booked a trip last week (she's known about us going away for 8 months now). Okay no problem, I organised for my stepdad to pick DD up on the last day and we'd collect her when we got back.
Now she also agreed to have our dog, and turned around today and said "nope not having him, it will upset my dog too much" (a dog she's had for years and has spent plenty of time around ours with no issues). She's left us without enough time to secure a dog sitter we'd be comfortable with so looks like we're going to have to cancel our trip. I'll add this was supposed to be our first trip as a married couple as we had to cancel our honeymoon because I was so heavily pregnant.

So no trip and too late to get a refund. I'm quite upset about it but DH still wants to send DD to her for the long weekend anyway. AIBU to say no? Why would I send her down there for no reason and have to deal with the fallout afterwards?

OP posts:
margotrose · 16/10/2023 14:27

cheddercherry · 16/10/2023 14:19

Also, why can her dog cope at your house with your dog but not cope with your dog at her house? I know you say she likes you but from the outside that seems purposefully like causing trouble for troubles sake. Backfired obviously as she could have had DD for those three days as you suggested but now won’t and has shot herself in the foot for future childcare.

Obviously this is speculation, but some dogs are quite territorial and don't really like other dogs in their space. It could be that MIL finds it easier to take the dog elsewhere for that reason. It could also be that OP's dog settles better in it's own home.

Nanny0gg · 16/10/2023 14:29

Owlish1003 · 16/10/2023 09:07

Would you honestly be so rude as to say that to someone? She’s let them down over the dog, not the baby.

Show quote history

She dropped one of the days for the baby too

And clearly forgot the 'reason' why she couldn't wouldn't have the dog

DangerousAlchemy · 16/10/2023 17:14

I'm so pleased your DH was on your side in the end & said no to having MIL dog 👏👏 The nerve of that woman ruining your holiday and asking if you can have her dog instead!! mental. Don't ever rely on her for future childcare or dog sitting.

jannier · 16/10/2023 17:15

tattychicken · 16/10/2023 11:44

I think she chose the decorating being done over your weekend. Committed to the decorator as that was more important to her, then she had to "undo" her commitment to you.

I'm hoping they let her down.

cheddercherry · 16/10/2023 17:22

This is true in some scenarios but in one of OPs responses she alluded to the fact that MIL’s dog and her dog had been together in MIL house on several occasions for years previously so it sounded more like this time it was thrown back as a further excuse (on top of decorating once OP found a work around for the first excuse) rather than an actual reason.

cheddercherry · 16/10/2023 17:24

cheddercherry · 16/10/2023 17:22

This is true in some scenarios but in one of OPs responses she alluded to the fact that MIL’s dog and her dog had been together in MIL house on several occasions for years previously so it sounded more like this time it was thrown back as a further excuse (on top of decorating once OP found a work around for the first excuse) rather than an actual reason.

@margotrose oops forgot to tag a reply, but I agree there can be valid reasons for not watching someone’s dog in your home it just didn’t seem like this was a legitimate example and more another thing to throw a spanner in OPs plans

margotrose · 16/10/2023 17:25

cheddercherry · 16/10/2023 17:24

@margotrose oops forgot to tag a reply, but I agree there can be valid reasons for not watching someone’s dog in your home it just didn’t seem like this was a legitimate example and more another thing to throw a spanner in OPs plans

Show quote history

Oh absolutely, I was just giving an example of a genuine reason.

Lovelymoon · 16/10/2023 17:28

inlawsruinmylife · 16/10/2023 08:54

So husband called MIL at the crack of dawn morning and explained we were probably going to have to cancel because she bailed on the dog. Her response was "well since she's not coming I'm going to ask the decorator to start a few days early so it'll be done by the time we get back from our holiday to limit the devastion. Since you're not going away, do you mind if we drop our dog off with you cause we don't want him in the way. Aunt will pick him up on the day we go away"
The audacity!

He thankfully told her to do one, and made it very clear she'll be below last on the list for future childcare- cue tears but idgaf. My mum's visiting us atm and she immediately offered to drive back up next week and collect DD to stay with her (she's stayed at theirs many times). She's been on the phone to my brother who's going to try and WFH on the Friday and Monday so he can stay at ours for the duration and have the dogs. Not ideal as he's a bit of an airhead but much better than some random people on fb!

The honeymoon might well go on after all! And if it doesn't I have a lovely spa break for just me on the horizon which DH has kindly agreed is the only fair outcome 😂

Haha 😂

Mummytotheboy · 16/10/2023 17:37

Do we have the same MIL?! Mine has my son every Wednesday so I can work. I have to be at work for 12. Last week at drop off " I might not be back in time from the hairdressers for our usual drop off time but I'll definitely be back for 11:30 ish". Thanks for the heads up ill make sure I'll drop him off in the helicopter so I'm not late for work. She did it the other week, I need to bring him home at 4 as I'm going to the Dr's with my knee. I work till 8!

minipie · 16/10/2023 17:50

Mummytotheboy I think she’s making it clear you can’t/shouldn’t rely on her… time to be looking for other childcare for Weds.

Emotionalsupportviper · 16/10/2023 17:56

inlawsruinmylife · 16/10/2023 02:07

DHs argument for sending her is that we've both had a really stressful time at work recently and since I've been back working we have had no time just us, so he thinks it will be good to just relax a bit even if it's just at home.

I get it, because yes I could do with a break, but I don't think I'd be able to relax and it would just make me more sad.

He's utterly furious with MIL but thinks it would be vindictive not to let her have DD and doesn't want to lower to her level. I on the other hand don't think she deserves it, but maybe I'm being a bitch 😂

I answered, but should have read all your posts first - I see you're sorted.

laveritable · 16/10/2023 18:03

She's bailed out before, she complains! Get another babysitter!

Johnnybegood2 · 16/10/2023 18:09

Wouldn't send the child as, me being petty, she's now getting what she wanted all along which is time with just the Grandchild.

I'd also not rely on her for anything again. Sorry OP. It sucks!

momtoboys · 16/10/2023 18:10

My sister does things like this all the time to my nephews and their families. It usually has something to do with their sister (my niece) needing her for something else. She never does it to her daughter and her family. I can never understand it.

BowlOfNoodles · 16/10/2023 18:11

wasting your money like that is vile

MassageForLife · 16/10/2023 18:21

BowlOfNoodles · 16/10/2023 18:11

wasting your money like that is vile

What on earth are you talking about?

BowlOfNoodles · 16/10/2023 18:26

Oops wrong thread

Dedsec2023 · 16/10/2023 18:40

@inlawsruinmylife
why do they over promise and under deliver ?

Appleass · 16/10/2023 18:47

Just take your child and dog, there will be plenty of other anniversary's.

azlazee1 · 16/10/2023 18:52

I agree with others who say they would not let her take care of the baby again. It would not be worth the worry to me about what she would do this time. Plus it sounds like she really doesn't want to do it but may not know how to say no gracefully. Hopefully you have or can find another sitter you trust and who you can count on.

Springingintosummer · 16/10/2023 19:03

So glad your own family have rallied around.

you now know you can never have MIL’s dog - as she told you clearly, the two dogs do not get on which is why she was prepared for you to cancel a booked trip.

xyz111 · 16/10/2023 19:12

I'm glad your husband has stepped up and told her where to go!!!

LookingforMaryPoppins · 16/10/2023 19:16

I wouldn't ever have her babysit again! To willingly cause such disruption and happily cause you to cancel is appalling. Your mil sounds incredibly self centred. Sounds like you have it sorted now thankfully, if your brother is unable to dog sit could your mum stay at yours and dog and babysit? Alternatively how about kennels for the dog either local to where you live or near the hotel you are staying - hotel may even allow dogs.

Have a wonderful weekend away and please learn from this experience and NEVER have your mil babysit again! xx

TheSilentSister · 16/10/2023 19:51

Not an ideal situation but so glad your DH/OH has your back and you've managed to salvage the situation.
The in-laws are not to be trust with any plans going forwards. If they do volunteer in future, don't book anything til last minute - it could be quite exciting, who knows. Don't hold a grudge though. You've a life time of this.

crumblylancs · 16/10/2023 20:38

As if she has asked you to have her dog! What an absolute cheek