Would this put you off a partner? Cowardice

[Wouldyoube]

There is a couple next door who has made my life hell lately. Think banging on the walls every time the kids are being anything but silent, constantly having a go at me about my 1 year old crying.. whilst simultaneously being a nightmare to live next door to because he plays loud music through the night, gets pissed and shouts and swears, antisocial behaviour on a weekly basis, throws his cigarette butt's into my garden. He's horrible. I say he, his girlfriend mainly stays out of it and it's always him having a go.

I have a DP who is a similar age to this guy but broader and stronger (so being told to do one by him would hold more weight than little old me saying it) and not once has DP advocated for me and his kids and told this guy to either 1) back off or 2) fuck off. He just tries to appease the guy by apologising for the kids daring to play and tells me to ignore him even though he's making me miserable and I can't ignore him hammering on my walls every day the kids are in.

If the roles were reversed I would absolutely stick up for my partner and the fact he's not doing that for us is really bugging me.

I'm not saying I want him to hit the guy but for god sake, grow a bit of a back bone and tell him in no uncertain terms to stop it.

AIBU to find it off putting? So much for a man protecting his family.

Yanbu op and you've hit the nail on the head by saying a lot of these comments are being contrary for the sake of it. That's aibu for you.

I know for a fact that if I was being harassed or bullied by another man my dh would defend me. I don't mean he'd beat them up (although he might if it were really bad) but he would certainly have a word. It's nothing to do with feminism, sometimes these type of men are just women hating bullies and nothing a woman says will rectify it.

Totally unrealistic to think a dh wouldn't or shouldn't support you in this situation.

Can you ask you partner what his 'line in the sand' would be where he would step up and have your back?

It might (a) make him think and act appropriately to these incidents should they escalate further, and (b) reassure you that he is actually there for you and not just ignoring and pacifying.

Given the difference between your partner's workplace behaviour and at home, it could well be that he has a better gauge on when to act and when to practice de-escalation; ask him.

YOU ARE NOT BEING UNREASONABLE !!!!!

I can't believe some of the outrageous responses you've had here!

"Oh yes, if I was being bullied, I wouldn't expect my DH to protect me, because....feminism"

What a load of old tosh!

I've actually been on both sides of this. First H was a bloody wimp. Only 5 ft 7, scrawny build, and I never felt safe with him. Current DH is 6 ft 3, knows how to fight (Police Officer), and takes NO shit. He would, 100% have nipped this situation in the bud on Day 1. I know which kind of man I'd rather be with, that's for sure.

YANBU - not in the slightest.

I would ask you partner at what point will he EVENTUALLY be happy to step in and have a word for his wife? When you get spat at? Punched? Threatened?

I honestly think it's grounds to leave if you haven't got a man who will stand up for you and be on your side when you have told him you need him.

Of course he should be backing you up. AIBU posters clearly live in some sort of lovely fantasy land where large, misogynistic blokes who pick on women don't exist.

I don't think you are being unreasonable to expect your partner and father of your children to at the very least support YOU to report this shit arse of a cock next door.
Whilst I do understand placating the fucker on the doorstep, I would NOT expect the father of our kids to be sshhing our kids to placate said fucking knobgoblin.
You have a some strong advice on here , I hope some of it is useful and you and your children get peace soon 🌺

I know! So often on here women get upset when sex differences are pointed out. Like it’s a surprise that men are physically stronger than women! And they wonder why we now have transgenderism. Feminism gave transgenderism wings really.

All that will happen is DP will get a kicking and your neighbourly troubles will escalate

Yanbu

Yanbu at all

Suppose OP will be happy when DP gets a kicking

Obviously that proves how manly he is!

I find aggression very off putting.

@Wouldyoube please keep oining the council, find your local councillor, your area MP - ask them for help relentlessly. Ask them to help find the landlord.

for the council - you are reporting anti social behaviour from private tenants- not just noise - https://www.gov.uk/private-renting/antisocial-behaviour

Feminism gave transgenderism wings really.

Absolute bollocks, @Siameasy.

Why?

In the past we acknowledged that men and women were very very different. Feminists sought equality but this was a mistake-the sexes are too different to ever be equal. Trust me, men know we are really really different and I think, when we accepted this, we actually got more respect.

It makes sense now that when you believe gender roles are socially constructed and not inherent and that “a woman can do anything a man can” that transgenderism could take root. The sense that we are just bodies with reproductive parts “stuck on”but with no inherent “sexed” qualities comes from the push for equality.

Women are now frequently denigrated on a mums’ forum of all places! for “popping out babies” or “just being a housewife” so feminism circled back to misogyny in the end because “the one thing we can do that men can’t” became something to be viewed with distain instead of pride.

That's not feminism, @Siameasy.