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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dh going to get takeaway pizza when I already made pasta

392 replies

Chocolatewarerfalls · 13/10/2023 18:08

Made pasta an hour ago for all of us, Dd (5) and I ate ours as we sometimes do before Dh gets home from work, I put a dish out for Dh for when he got home.
Im in the kitchen washing up, feeling full
and hear Dh come in, Dd comes running in saying we’re getting takeaway pizza, I say I’ve made dinner and we’ve already eaten though 🤷🏻‍♀️Dd starts crying and shouting how she wants takeaway pizza and daddy says we’re having it. Dh says he didn’t know I had made any dinner. Dd decides to be cheeky and says we’re getting pizza, Dh agrees with her and she shouts to me that we’re getting pizza.
Aibu to feel completely undermined here?
Its not about the pizza itself…or am I being petty?
Also bearing in mind that we’re trying to save money and I suggested getting a pizza maybe tomorrow night as I’ve made dinner for today and we’ve eaten ours and now feel full?

OP posts:
Inkpotlover · 13/10/2023 20:20

Whyyes · 13/10/2023 20:13

@Inkpotlover
You've missed the point. Its not about her partner never being able to choose a takeaway for dinner. If you knew your partner was cooking for you that evening, would you not at least give them a heads up in the day that you wanted pizza in the evening? Wouldn't it be more considerate to let them know before they had cooked and eaten? The ops DH would have known what time his DD usually eats and that his wife cooks dinner late afternoon. Also her DH is perfectly able to learn to cook for himself, but it seems like he'd rather rely on his wife's cooking when it suits him

Edited

Jesus. I really don't think I'm the one missing the point. He might not have known he wanted pizza until he walked through the door. HE IS AN ADULT AND HE'S ALLOWED TO CHANGE HIS MIND. He didn't demand she went out and got the pizza, he didn't demand she made one from scratch, he didn't demand she paid for it out of her own money.

He turned down a bowl of pasta, not a seven-course, 3-star Michelin meal.

Perspective, please.

BagForLifer · 13/10/2023 20:21

“Going nuts” at a 5 year old is completely unacceptable.

It’s unacceptable in any situation but ridiculously so when it’s because you are pissed off at the child’s father.

I hope that you have had a word with yourself and apologised to your little girl.

deliveryone · 13/10/2023 20:22

I couldn’t get worked up over this. It’s not that deep.

BannedfromChristmas · 13/10/2023 20:23

Russia is at war with Ukraine and Isreal are starving Palestine out Gaza. Its just pasts snd pizza mate.

IDontOftenComment · 13/10/2023 20:23

Get over it, is it really worth all the stomping and sulking. Okay he shouldn’t have done it but he did, it’s a pizza and in the great scheme of things it’s really not worth getting in a strop about. No your daughter shouldn’t have shouted but she’s five years old and was disappointed at not sharing something special with her Dad. Give them both a bit of slack.
Life’s far to short to argue over a pizza, stick the pasta in the bin and have a happy weekend.

Whyyes · 13/10/2023 20:23

No-one is making a mountain out of a molehill. They're just saying a heads up would have been nice. If a partner cooks for you all the time its nice to show some consideration and appreciation. Jesus. After the ops DH realized they had already eaten, he could have at least told his DD she had already had dinner and to stop. It sounds like they're trying to save money right now too

Original poster
Chocolatewarerfalls · 13/10/2023 20:30

@Lilithlogic Cold lasagna the next day is glorious

OP posts:
Lilithlogic · 13/10/2023 20:31

Chocolatewarerfalls · 13/10/2023 20:30

@Lilithlogic Cold lasagna the next day is glorious

It's my favourite naughty breakfast

EKGEMS · 13/10/2023 20:32

Hmm, if only there had been some way to communicate prior to arriving home about dinner?! If only Alexander Grahm Bell had invented a device such as a phone?!

Original poster
Chocolatewarerfalls · 13/10/2023 20:32

Thanks everyone for the feedback on both sides…it does sound petty, even to myself, it’s just really felt like an undermining and Dh is not on the same page a lot and it pisses me off. It’s confusing for Dd and makes me look like I have no say/respect and am always the one who spoils things-wants Dd up to bed at a decent wants Dd to eat less chocolate etc…tired of it and being talked to like that by Dd was upsetting tbh

OP posts:
Original poster
Chocolatewarerfalls · 13/10/2023 20:34

Dh goes out tomorrow night, they are welcome to the pasta (Dh at least can sort himself out) and I think I’ll get myself something nice from the shop to eat alone once Dd is in bed. Not cooking something else tomorrow cba now!

OP posts:
HairyToity · 13/10/2023 20:43

Not read thread, but we've had similar happen through miscommunication and I've let DH be the good guy (had a quiet word after mind). My DC would be devastated if I took takeaway pizza from them, after Dad offered. We'd have tears and dramatics, especially at 5 years old.

My own dad died when I was nine, and I love the relationship DH has with the DC, and in this instance would have the attitude life is too short, let them eat pizza.

Hope you can let it go, and not let it spoil your weekend.

Autumnleaves89 · 13/10/2023 20:45

YANBU. Very surprised by the responses here! Your daughter was very rude and cheeky, I would have overridden your husband and put her straight to bed after a proper telling off. no way would I have let her skip off for a treat after such bad behaviour!
Your husband doesn’t respect you and if you don’t nip it in the bud now, neither will your daughter.

AdoraBell · 13/10/2023 20:46

After DD goes to sleep talk to DH and explain you feel undermined and if a child feels they win in these circumstances they will never respect boundaries.

followmyflow · 13/10/2023 20:48

i get you op. tbh if it was me id be having a discussion with dad at bedtime: 'so glad youre interested in sorting dinners now darling, i propose we alternate, cant wait to see what we're having on sunday, goodnight!'

adjacenttoquiteafewspheres · 13/10/2023 20:57

You are the fun police.

Unclench.

What a shit Friday night eating a miserable bowl of dry pasta.

Original poster
Chocolatewarerfalls · 13/10/2023 21:01

@adjacenttoquiteafewspheres Yeah

OP posts:
Cakeandcoffee93 · 13/10/2023 21:03

It’s Friday night, it’s been a rough week. Just let her have a slice and let your husband have one. Sometimes life’s too short and just enjoy it for one night

Janieforever · 13/10/2023 21:04

It always surprises me how some people live. It’s awful. No wonder half of marriages fail. If I fancied pizza I’d get pizza and so would my husband, neither would try to control the other or kick off about being disrespected or undermined. The pasta would get eaten then next day.

its just not a big deal.

Original poster
Chocolatewarerfalls · 13/10/2023 21:14

@Janieforever Yes all sorts of things are awful in marriages, happy you have a good one where you obviously feel respected and loved. You do realise not everything is the same for everyone else though

OP posts:
Original poster
Chocolatewarerfalls · 13/10/2023 21:15

@Cakeandcoffee93 They did have some, I had a slice too

OP posts:
Janieforever · 13/10/2023 21:17

Chocolatewarerfalls · 13/10/2023 21:14

@Janieforever Yes all sorts of things are awful in marriages, happy you have a good one where you obviously feel respected and loved. You do realise not everything is the same for everyone else though

You missed my points I assume on purpose as you didn’t like my response so decided to be pa.

imaginr a life where after a hard week you fancy a pizza, and aren’t allowed to have one or it causes a fight. You don’t feel respected or loved. And there is no way your husband does either.

adjacenttoquiteafewspheres · 13/10/2023 21:18

Chocolatewarerfalls · 13/10/2023 21:14

@Janieforever Yes all sorts of things are awful in marriages, happy you have a good one where you obviously feel respected and loved. You do realise not everything is the same for everyone else though

Well that was much was clear from the fact you intended to sulk and go to bed at 6.30PM on a weekend in order to punish him for deciding to buy a pizza for himself, his wife and daughter.

Poor guy.

Original poster
Chocolatewarerfalls · 13/10/2023 21:19

@Janieforever Do you know our entire situation? You don’t so you can’t comment on how he feels

OP posts:
Tourmalines · 13/10/2023 21:20

I can see both sides of the story . But I don’t think it’s the issue with the food . It’s more to do with your daughter. You both undermine each other in front of her . This is confusing her . She doesn’t know how to react . She will of course take sides leaving one hurt . This is the cause of break ups in most marriages. Raising kids . You both need to be on the same page .