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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WWYD if you found high heels in your husband's car?

374 replies

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 13/10/2023 17:51

If your husband told you he was going to a work related black tie ball with colleagues (happens a few times a year) and the following morning you found a pair of ladies high heels in a bag on the ground in the back of his car how would you react/what would you think?

OP posts:
Thisisworsethananticpated · 13/10/2023 20:54

Id assume either lift or someone left them

unless he has form for cheating and cross dressing

YouOKHun · 13/10/2023 20:57

I guess I say “you’re still being punished” because you said upthread that your working relationship didn’t recover and also because you are doing “the right thing” by missing out on an event that everyone else has gone to. It does sound like you still have to alter your behaviour to save the sensibilities of others over some crime you didn’t commit!

Hiddenvoice · 13/10/2023 21:04

I think I’d just drop it and move on op.

How his wife reacted could be based on so many different things and we don’t know their history. I don’t excuse her behaviour but if he’s cheated or lied in the past then she might have found it hard to actually believe him.

SadOrWickedFairy · 13/10/2023 21:09

Mycatshandbag · 13/10/2023 17:53

That he dropped off a female colleague who swapped into comfie shoes and left her heels in the car by mistake.

Same here.

Ramalangadingdong · 13/10/2023 21:26

ThickSkinnedSoWhat · 13/10/2023 19:05

I have had 2 long term cheats in my life. They were good at hiding things and covering themselves up. I am doubtful most cheating married men would be stupid enough to leave their mistresses high heels in the car for you to find. I'd go with those who said female colleague who changed out of shoes due to sore feet.

And I really doubt that a woman who was wearing heels to make her legs look longer would take them off and have her lover see her in her trainers.

MrsMitford3 · 13/10/2023 21:36

Whenever I go to black tie or anywhere requiring heels I always bring something to wear home in taxi/uber etc often slippers so would not be that concerned-think a bit shit for you

SkinnyFat · 13/10/2023 21:42

For me, it depends on the brand of the shoes. I would only be jealous if the shoes were designer. Can’t explain.

MasterBeth · 13/10/2023 21:45

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 13/10/2023 17:51

If your husband told you he was going to a work related black tie ball with colleagues (happens a few times a year) and the following morning you found a pair of ladies high heels in a bag on the ground in the back of his car how would you react/what would you think?

I would think "what is the ground doing in my husband's car?"

ntmdino · 13/10/2023 21:47

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 13/10/2023 20:20

About 5 years ago. I knew she had rang colleagues at the time but didn't know about calling my boss until this.

Show quote history

Part of me wonders if we should go back through AIBU to look for 5-year old threads and see how many recommended LTB because he was definitely either batting for the other team or having an affair.

Robinni · 13/10/2023 21:50

I would think he’d given people a lift after the event. A female colleague’s feet were sore so she took them off. But she was a bit pissed so forgot them.

Cowlover89 · 13/10/2023 21:53

Just ask

Original poster
ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 13/10/2023 22:00

Last update, I'm clearly missing a good night and colleagues are pissed. Just got a WhatsApp from with a picture of the wife from the ankles down with caption "Your shoes are way better!"

OP posts:
Robinni · 13/10/2023 22:02

😂😂😂 brilliant!

To hold onto this for 5yrs is just 😱

Tombero · 13/10/2023 22:06

When I was about 15 I was volunteering with a local community group for DofE. Another (male) group leader gave me a lift home. My lipstick must have fallen out of my pocket. The next week he asked if it was mine and commented that he’d had a lot of questions from his wife.

At the time I didn’t take him seriously. I thought he was being silly as I was very naive and this was the 80s so an age of innocence for me.

It’s only now I look back and think that he probably actually had loads of grief.

But I think that a lipstick in a car is suspicious, not shoes in a bag.

Inthink you were noble not to go tonight OP.

Nanaof1 · 13/10/2023 22:06

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 13/10/2023 19:33

They were my shoes and yes, changed into flats after the event.

A colleague had given me and 2 others a lift home. The following day he plonked them down on my desk and crossly told me to never leave my shoes in his car again. I completely forgot about them until then. Seemed really annoyed and working relationship never recovered.

Turns our his wife went mental rang the two other colleagues to check his story and called my boss at the time to say she didn't want me to work with him anymore.

Obviously I think she was crazy and was over reacting but a minority of others said they wouldn't blame her and of course she would think they worst and I should have called her to apologise.

Sounds like that man's wife has many issues with her DH that have nothing to do with you, i.e. he has had been caught before and assumes it's the same (but really, shoes in a bag is really stretching for a mad-on). Or, she is so paranoid that she imagines things and gets to believing them without proof. As for the others, if they think shoes in a bag, IN A BAG, would make them think the worst, then they need to have a chat with themselves.

Calling her would have subjected you to verbal abuse you don't need and don't deserve.
It's their issue so not your circus, not your clown car.

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 13/10/2023 22:09

In a bag left by mistake. If not in a bag then cheater.

Nanaof1 · 13/10/2023 22:10

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 13/10/2023 22:00

Last update, I'm clearly missing a good night and colleagues are pissed. Just got a WhatsApp from with a picture of the wife from the ankles down with caption "Your shoes are way better!"

What the hell? She is batshit cray-cray (as my DGC would say). She's wearing your shoes? I don't understand.

Why are colleagues pissed and who are they pissed at?

Debini · 13/10/2023 22:11

If this happened five years ago it seems odd to be posting about it now.

dannyufcfan · 13/10/2023 22:12

Nanaof1 · 13/10/2023 22:10

What the hell? She is batshit cray-cray (as my DGC would say). She's wearing your shoes? I don't understand.

Why are colleagues pissed and who are they pissed at?

Show quote history

Drunk not angry.

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 13/10/2023 22:13

Once I had a work colleague/friend who’d moved near where I lived with her boyfriend. We used to go to aerobics in a church hall nearby and I changed there once or twice, she suggested it. I left my boring nude bra there by mistake and she found it and went mental at him assuming he’d cheated until I told her it was mine and apologised. A lesbian friend of mine, her girlfriend did similar with her teenage daughter’s bra, found it in their bedroom and assumed cheating when it was the daughter’s bra!

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 13/10/2023 22:14

Debini · 13/10/2023 22:11

If this happened five years ago it seems odd to be posting about it now.

Yes a little bit odd!

Ducksinthebath · 13/10/2023 22:14

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 13/10/2023 22:00

Last update, I'm clearly missing a good night and colleagues are pissed. Just got a WhatsApp from with a picture of the wife from the ankles down with caption "Your shoes are way better!"

That’s actually really mean.

pontipinemum · 13/10/2023 22:16

Debini · 13/10/2023 22:11

If this happened five years ago it seems odd to be posting about it now.

Because it's his leaving do tonight and she didn't go

StarlightLime · 13/10/2023 22:17

Ducksinthebath · 13/10/2023 22:14

That’s actually really mean.

Show quote history

In the circumstances, hardly!

Original poster
ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 13/10/2023 22:18

@Nanaof1 😂🤣🤣🤣No, she's wearing normal standard shoes. Mine were a very dressy pair of high heels - everyone has a pair of really lovely heels that make their legs look great- that type- my special occassion/dressy shoes.

By pissed I mean drunk. I'm Irish 😂

@Debini I had kind of forgotten about it but it's his retirement party tonight! Not even sure I was on MN 5 years ago.

OP posts: