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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WWYD if you found high heels in your husband's car?

374 replies

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 13/10/2023 17:51

If your husband told you he was going to a work related black tie ball with colleagues (happens a few times a year) and the following morning you found a pair of ladies high heels in a bag on the ground in the back of his car how would you react/what would you think?

OP posts:
Trampley · 13/10/2023 19:40

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 13/10/2023 19:33

They were my shoes and yes, changed into flats after the event.

A colleague had given me and 2 others a lift home. The following day he plonked them down on my desk and crossly told me to never leave my shoes in his car again. I completely forgot about them until then. Seemed really annoyed and working relationship never recovered.

Turns our his wife went mental rang the two other colleagues to check his story and called my boss at the time to say she didn't want me to work with him anymore.

Obviously I think she was crazy and was over reacting but a minority of others said they wouldn't blame her and of course she would think they worst and I should have called her to apologise.

She sounds crazy.

Not your fault, and they must have been having issues!

WonderingWanda · 13/10/2023 19:48

I would assume he'd given someone a lift home.

Dogfureverywhere · 13/10/2023 19:51

So a colleague left them in the car in a bag after changing her shoes when he gave her a lift. If they were loose in the car so she would be barefoot, a bit more 🤔
Or they're his?

Ask him!

DaughterNo2 · 13/10/2023 19:52

DustyLee123 · 13/10/2023 17:52

As they are in a bag I’d assume he’d given someone a lift.

Agree

SchoolQuestionnaire · 13/10/2023 19:52

I would also assume dh had given someone a lift home, although he would have told me. The fact that he didn’t and she was straight in the car rooting through the next morning may indicate there is more to this.

However if I thought my dh was cheating I wouldn’t make myself look unhinged by ringing his colleagues, I’d save myself the trouble and get a divorce.

Ramalangadingdong · 13/10/2023 19:53

Mycatshandbag · 13/10/2023 17:53

That he dropped off a female colleague who swapped into comfie shoes and left her heels in the car by mistake.

I I am a usually a very suspicious person. I don’t trust men easily, but this would be my first thought.

SchoolQuestionnaire · 13/10/2023 19:53

Either way op, it’s not your fault!!

CornishGem1975 · 13/10/2023 19:56

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 13/10/2023 17:51

If your husband told you he was going to a work related black tie ball with colleagues (happens a few times a year) and the following morning you found a pair of ladies high heels in a bag on the ground in the back of his car how would you react/what would you think?

I'd assume he'd given someone a lift who had wore bloody painful high heels, swapped to some flats and forgot to pick them up when she got out of the car.

StarlightLime · 13/10/2023 20:00

DustyLee123 · 13/10/2023 17:52

As they are in a bag I’d assume he’d given someone a lift.

This.

Why leap to cheating or cross dressing (!)?

Iknowthis1 · 13/10/2023 20:03

She obviously doesn't trust her husband. That may or may not be warranted but it's nothing to do with your shoes.

Redglitter · 13/10/2023 20:07

a minority of others said they wouldn't blame her and of course she would think they worst and I should have called her to apologise

I hope you treated that suggestion with the contempt it deserved. Phone to apologise? That's madness & making it even more of an issue than it's become

If your colleagues wife trusts him so little there's obviously a backstory or she's just very irrational - either way, not your problem

R3V3NG3 · 13/10/2023 20:11

Whaaaaaaaat. That's such an overreaction

Original poster
ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 13/10/2023 20:12

I wasn't going to post this but tbh I don't care and work with mostly men so it's unlikely anyone will pick up on it & so what if they do.

Everyone's at his retirement do tonight and I didn't go.

I consider going and wearing the fabulous shoes in question or asking one of the others to tell him in front of his wife that I'm sorry I couldn't make it but will catch up with him privately soon.

I hate doing the right thing....it's no fun!!

OP posts:
StarlightLime · 13/10/2023 20:18

When did the shoe thing happen, op? Confused

Original poster
ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 13/10/2023 20:20

StarlightLime · 13/10/2023 20:18

When did the shoe thing happen, op? Confused

About 5 years ago. I knew she had rang colleagues at the time but didn't know about calling my boss until this.

OP posts:
Royalbloo · 13/10/2023 20:21

Ask?

Original poster
ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 13/10/2023 20:23

Sorry posted too soon until this week. I have no issue with that, probably the right call.

OP posts:
TheresaOfAvila · 13/10/2023 20:23

Mycatshandbag · 13/10/2023 17:53

That he dropped off a female colleague who swapped into comfie shoes and left her heels in the car by mistake.

This is what I would think

StarlightLime · 13/10/2023 20:24

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 13/10/2023 20:20

About 5 years ago. I knew she had rang colleagues at the time but didn't know about calling my boss until this.

Show quote history

Oh, right. I'd have gone to the party tonight, tbh.

hennaoj · 13/10/2023 20:26

widowtwankywashroom · 13/10/2023 18:08

Ask him? But like others have said I would assume he's given someone a lift and they have put flip flops on and have left their shoes, said lady is probably now searching for her shoes.
Unless they are a size 9;s etc.......

Plenty of women wear size 9 or larger shoes. I have size 9 feet but I don't wear heels.

YouOKHun · 13/10/2023 20:32

I’d also assume it was a case of someone changing into comfortable shoes and putting their taxi-to-table shoes in a bag. That’s exactly what I’d do.

It’s outrageous really that you @ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees are still being punished for what was a completely innocent mistake. His wife obviously embarrassed him by calling his colleagues and boss and clearly gave him a hard time (for all we know because he had form) and he took that out on you by grumpily returning your shoes. He should be apologising to you. I hope your colleagues stuck up for you at the time.

LolaSmiles · 13/10/2023 20:36

It’s outrageous really that you @ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees are still being punished for what was a completely innocent mistake. His wife obviously embarrassed him by calling his colleagues and boss and clearly gave him a hard time (for all we know because he had form) and he took that out on you by grumpily returning your shoes. He should be apologising to you. I hope your colleagues stuck up for you at the time
Agree with this.

She didn't trust her husband. She might have had good reasons to doubt him or she might be one of those people who assumes everything is cheating or a sign of cheating. You'll never know.

I suspect her behaviour probably caused him a lot of embarrassment at work, and OP got the brunt of it via his bad mood.

theprincessthepea · 13/10/2023 20:46

Did he use the car? Maybe ask him how he got home? Have you dropped anyone home recently? Then bring up the heels.

It is easy to assume the worst but I am hoping that he just dropped off a few colleagues and a female colleague left her shoes in the car.

Good luck

Original poster
ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 13/10/2023 20:50

I don't think I'm still being punished. Decision not to go was mine. I just didn't want to cause him any more trouble or cause any drama.

At the time, people found it amusing more than anything. He's actually a lovely man, decent guy. I've been in his company socially loads of times, both when he's been drinking and not. Very respectful of everyone, I've never seen or heard him be inappropriate. I know you have no idea what colleagues are like outside work but I would be extremely surprised if he was the type to mess around.

OP posts:
AGovernmentOfLawsAndNotMen · 13/10/2023 20:53

If I found shoes I would have asked my dh who’s they were.
If he’d given someone a lift he would have told me anyway. Obviously their marriage can’t be going so well if she jumps to conclusions and doesn’t trust him.

Move on, I wouldn’t worry.