Not to leave my children with a random babysitter

ManorHall7 · 2023-10-13T16:15:19+00:00

So family evening out suggested a few weeks ago, my DC are 11 and 7. We have very few babysitting options generally. So struggle with eves out. We thought we could DH auntie but she is 75 (has sat for us lots but she can't make it) the date is next week. I explained in chat we might need to pull out DSis says she has a number of a good sitter, I said thank you but no. She's got the hump. I feel uncomfortable leaving my children with someone we have never met or they have met ? Especially with a weeks notice. We disagree on a few things, she left her 6yr, 3 and 2 year old with my neice who is 13 for an evening and i disagreed saying she was to young for 3 that young. For context also we lost DMil early Jan, DH has struggled and we have had a very tough year and so have they. Am I being precious or should I just start doing this sort of thing now ?

ASCCM · 13/10/2023 17:17

Your kids are not babies so a sitter that comes recommended should be fine for a few hours?

unless you don’t really want to go, then obviously use the excuse! We won’t tell!

Original poster

ManorHall7 · 13/10/2023 17:18

ASCCM · 13/10/2023 17:17

Your kids are not babies so a sitter that comes recommended should be fine for a few hours?

unless you don’t really want to go, then obviously use the excuse! We won’t tell!

No. Nothing to do with that. But if they are already slightly anxious children I don't see how this would help.

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Original poster

ManorHall7 · 13/10/2023 17:19

ASCCM · 13/10/2023 17:17

Your kids are not babies so a sitter that comes recommended should be fine for a few hours?

unless you don’t really want to go, then obviously use the excuse! We won’t tell!

It wouldn't be a few hours either

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arintingly · 13/10/2023 17:19

I think it's too late for next week but it sounds like you would benefit from getting a babysitter that you trust for the future. Doesn't have to be "some random" - we have 3 we use regularly, all work in nurseries or schools, we have checked their references and the kids knew them before we left them the first time.

UpaladderwatchingTV · 13/10/2023 17:20

I too think that aged 7 and 11, they are old enough to be left with a sitter who comes recommended OP. Could you perhaps invite the sitter round beforehand, and introduce her to the children, as you say there is a 'few weeks' before the event?

Original poster

ManorHall7 · 13/10/2023 17:20

arintingly · 13/10/2023 17:19

I think it's too late for next week but it sounds like you would benefit from getting a babysitter that you trust for the future. Doesn't have to be "some random" - we have 3 we use regularly, all work in nurseries or schools, we have checked their references and the kids knew them before we left them the first time.

I agree with this. But this would be a random for next week and the kids would not have met her

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Littlefish · 13/10/2023 17:21

It's obviously your choice, but I think you're being overly sensitive.

Relying on a 73 year old aunt as your only source of babysitting support is very restrictive.

Why not meet a recommended babysitter and initially pay them to look after your children either when you're in the house, or just at a local pub/restaurant/supermarket.

I would be a bit pissed off if I was your SIL.

Original poster

ManorHall7 · 13/10/2023 17:21

UpaladderwatchingTV · 13/10/2023 17:20

I too think that aged 7 and 11, they are old enough to be left with a sitter who comes recommended OP. Could you perhaps invite the sitter round beforehand, and introduce her to the children, as you say there is a 'few weeks' before the event?

It's next week

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nibblessquibbles · 13/10/2023 17:22

A personally recommended babysitter seems fine to me, all my babysitters were introduced that way. Your DC are old enough not to worry overly about this.

UpaladderwatchingTV · 13/10/2023 17:22

That still gives you this weekend OP. It sounds like you don't really want to go, and if that's the case then I'd just cancel.

arintingly · 13/10/2023 17:22

ManorHall7 · 13/10/2023 17:20

I agree with this. But this would be a random for next week and the kids would not have met her

Show quote history

Yeah agreed but maybe it's worth putting thought to avoiding this for the next time.

I find it takes time to find the right babysitter and develop their relationship with the kids, worth doing ahead of time not waiting till you needed one

Original poster

ManorHall7 · 13/10/2023 17:22

Littlefish · 13/10/2023 17:21

It's obviously your choice, but I think you're being overly sensitive.

Relying on a 73 year old aunt as your only source of babysitting support is very restrictive.

Why not meet a recommended babysitter and initially pay them to look after your children either when you're in the house, or just at a local pub/restaurant/supermarket.

I would be a bit pissed off if I was your SIL.

Why would she be pissed off ? There's 8 others going ? The evenings not cancelled.

She isn't our only source but we have other things booked in the next few weeks which we can't ask the same people week in or week out. She is our last resort

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Splitscreened · 13/10/2023 17:23

Well, obviously meet the sitter and satisfy yourselves she’s a safe pair of hands first, see if she could come for a (paid) hour or so as a dry run to meet the children? Unless, as a pp said, you actually don’t want to go, in which case that’s not going to work. The one time I left toddler DS with a previously unknown sitter (provided by a luxury hotel, garlanded with references, qualifications, mother of five etc — we were having dinner downstairs), DS nearly broke her.

Original poster

ManorHall7 · 13/10/2023 17:24

UpaladderwatchingTV · 13/10/2023 17:22

That still gives you this weekend OP. It sounds like you don't really want to go, and if that's the case then I'd just cancel.

😂 . Not at all just do not have the time this weekend to try and arrange a meet up with a recommended babysitter

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Hellinthekitchen · 13/10/2023 17:24

How much sitting do a 7Y0 and 11YO need?

My DS are similar ages (8 and 10). 10YO is autistic. They largely look after themselves TBH. If someone came recommended, surely you have time in a week to meet with them and decide if you like them?

AliMonkey · 13/10/2023 17:25

If your DSis is recommending the babysitter as someone they've used themselves then you probably are being a bit precious, although I can see that you don't entirely agree with her judgement so makes it more understandable, and it does of course depend on your children. Also, would the babysitter and children have lots of interaction? At those ages, they should be able to get themselves ready for bed etc, so isn't it more about having an adult in the house? Many of us would never have gone out if we could only depend on known babysitters - we used sitters.co.uk and that enabled us to go out occasionally, which was good for us and therefore also good for the children.

Smartiepants79 · 13/10/2023 17:26

At that age your children are perfectly capable of articulating if there has been anything go wrong.
They’re even capable of contacting you themselves if there is a serious crises.
I would use a recommended babysitter in the scenario described. Surely the kids will be in bed for the majority of the time you’re out? Seems a bit unnecessary to miss out for this reason.

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 13/10/2023 17:26

We've used sitters since our DD was about 5. Not regularly as it's expensive but a couple of the sitters from there we now use ad-hoc

Original poster

ManorHall7 · 13/10/2023 17:26

Hellinthekitchen · 13/10/2023 17:24

How much sitting do a 7Y0 and 11YO need?

My DS are similar ages (8 and 10). 10YO is autistic. They largely look after themselves TBH. If someone came recommended, surely you have time in a week to meet with them and decide if you like them?

I don't have time in the week and my children can both be anxious especially with the year they have had

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MidnightOnceMore · 13/10/2023 17:27

They're your kids and you have the right to make these decisions. But avoid getting into discussions with other family members about these type of parenting choices, nothing good ever comes of it!

UpaladderwatchingTV · 13/10/2023 17:28

You asked the question but now it seems like you don't like the answers people are giving, and aren't prepared to put yourself out to find someone, so the whole exercise seems a bit pointless really.

Original poster

ManorHall7 · 13/10/2023 17:28

Smartiepants79 · 13/10/2023 17:26

At that age your children are perfectly capable of articulating if there has been anything go wrong.
They’re even capable of contacting you themselves if there is a serious crises.
I would use a recommended babysitter in the scenario described. Surely the kids will be in bed for the majority of the time you’re out? Seems a bit unnecessary to miss out for this reason.

They won't be in bed we need to go out from 530!! Whether or not they are it doesn't feel right someone turning up we have never met and leaving them

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JustTalkToThem · 13/10/2023 17:29

She isn't our only source but we have other things booked in the next few weeks which we can't ask the same people week in or week out. She is our last resort

Why can't you ask the other people you have available? If you're paying them fairly, they may not mind doing it for this event....

Iadoretoread · 13/10/2023 17:30

I wonder where their anxious stems from...

Original poster

ManorHall7 · 13/10/2023 17:30

UpaladderwatchingTV · 13/10/2023 17:28

You asked the question but now it seems like you don't like the answers people are giving, and aren't prepared to put yourself out to find someone, so the whole exercise seems a bit pointless really.

No. I think the answers are harsh I don't need to put myself out as its not a special occasion, they aren't going to cancel if we don't go. Then I would try.

It seems I am the only one not completely happy to leave them with a total stranger 💁‍♀️

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