Not to leave my children with a random babysitter

[ManorHall7]

So family evening out suggested a few weeks ago, my DC are 11 and 7. We have very few babysitting options generally. So struggle with eves out.

We thought we could DH auntie but she is 75 (has sat for us lots but she can't make it) the date is next week. I explained in chat we might need to pull out DSis says she has a number of a good sitter, I said thank you but no.

She's got the hump. I feel uncomfortable leaving my children with someone we have never met or they have met ? Especially with a weeks notice. We disagree on a few things, she left her 6yr, 3 and 2 year old with my neice who is 13 for an evening and i disagreed saying she was to young for 3 that young.

For context also we lost DMil early Jan, DH has struggled and we have had a very tough year and so have they.

Am I being precious or should I just start doing this sort of thing now ?

I agree with you OP I would not leave my DD with a babysitter I don't know. I know plenty of people who would do that which is completely fine, but I would not feel comfortable doing that. It's personal choice and should be respected.

Yes, YABVU.

Your children are well past the age when such preciousness would be acceptable.

And for all your protestations of biting your tongue about your SIL's parenting choices, by turning down her suggestion of someone she knows and trusts as a babysitter, you have implied a criticism of her judgement.

YANBU I would never leave my children with a stranger. I don’t know a single person who has ever used a babysitter they don’t know, this is something I’ve only seen on mumsnet. I’m lot an anxious mom, my children have been in nursery from 1 years old and do activities where they are left with adults and other children but I would need leave them alone one on one with someone I don’t know.

Just stay at home then. No point getting yourself worked up into a frenzy over this.

Thank you. I am glad i am not alone almost like the facebook posts I see on groups asking for a babysitter. I find it cringe. They are school clubs etc that I find different to being left one on one with a stranger in their own home

Not really that's her choice.

I don’t know a single person who has ever used a babysitter they don’t know, this is something I’ve only seen on mumsnet.

This is such an odd response. I suspect you do indeed know people who have used a babysitter they don't actually know, someone has to be the first to use a babysitter or else how do other parents know about them. It would have to be a very unusual group of friends for everyone to only use family for babysitting. In this instance the OPs sister has used the sitter so surely that should give her some reassurance.

You are being massively too precious about it op, it would probably be good for your children to have these different experiences.

I am the ‘random babysitter’ that people book, I have babysat for babies from about 6m old up to children of 12. Only once have I ever met them before babysitting them. It’s very very common.

In all honesty, I think YABU. Your children are old enough to deal with being babysat by a safe adult, even if they don't know them.

The only thing I would say is that I prefer using babysitters from an agency, as they tend to have up-to-date CRB/ verified references/ recent childcare experience. I have used sitters.co.uk several times for my 1yo and 5yo when I've had no alternative (hospital appointments etc.) and they've always been fine. My 5yo is more than capable of telling me how things went with each babysitter and their worst complaint so far is it being "boring" or not being allowed to watch TV the whole time.

I know, @YourNameGoesHere , not everyone has family members who’re willing or able to babysit, for example, and friends may be in the same boat as you with young children ( most of mine were). Or they’re the people you’re going out with!

That's why referrals and references are invaluable. My DD (18) started babysitting over the summer for a family who moved in last year around the corner from us. She had good references from the preschool summer camp she’d previously worked at, plus her then-employer, a local restaurant owner. We’ve since got to know them as a family anyway as they live so close. 🤷

I wouldn't feel happy leaving my kids with someone they didn't know. My eldest can be anxious though and doesn't like being left on an evening with anyone so certainly wouldn't be happy about that.

Wow some of the judgey comments! I would cancel
Noway would i leave my children with a stranger especially if they are anxious !

No way would I do this. Wouldn't feel comfortable at all so would not enjoy the night anyway.

I'm actually really surprised by most of these responses, my kids are 10 and 7 and there's no way I would leave them with a babysitter none of us had met before!
Yanbu, if you're not comfortable with it, don't feel pressured into doing it.

@Danielle8 Your comment’s judgy though! What can people do if they don’t have family to help them out?

Surely children can get to know someone else over time-granted you don’t dump them with a stranger from day one.

I think that’s fine as someone has recommended them to you, it’s been suggested I find a babysitter online for my kids and I will not do that! But I think this ok.

@SquirrelRed Well no, the OP can’t leave them with this babysitter next week. She needs to interview her, check references, have her spend time with the children while she’s in the house, before actually leaving them alone with her.

She isn't our only source but we have other things booked in the next few weeks which we can't ask the same people week in or week out. She is our last resort

It seems like you're conscious that your friends and family members aren't exactly thrilled at getting roped in for babysitting duties. In your shoes I'd definitely find an actual babysitter that you can trust, recommendations from people you know is a good place to start.

That's a judgy comment too though.

What would you do if you didn't have family to babysit your children? What do you think happens for those not as fortunate as you, do they just stay at home??

It's a registered babysitter who has been personally recommended not a stranger off the street.

I left my children with babysitters I hadn’t met before from when they were toddlers. We’ve got a new babysitter coming Monday for a few hours, they like a new babysitter it gives them the chance to play different games with someone new.

What’s the alternative? I don’t have (many) friends and family are over 200 miles away and not going to babysit anyway . Like most people I use a babysitter when I need childcare. After the first time they are no longer strangers and always when they were younger and mostly now we meet them beforehand.

If meeting beforehand is not possible then we book an hour earlier than needed so they’re settled when we go. It is really not an issue.

Statistically family are more of a risk.

YANBU, OP - I'd never leave my DC with a random, no matter how well recommended he/she is. I find it astonishing how many people would be happy to leave theirs with a literal stranger - would the DC not mind?!

I agree. I wouldn't leave my child with someone I don't know and DC doesn't know, even if the babysitter is recommended.

I think it a bit odd, to be honest, that so many children are apparently fine with complete strangers in their homes without their parents present. I certainly wouldn't have been happy with that as a child that age, not because of anxiety but because it's a stranger in my home!

Obviously if you can afford it getting a babysitter to come twice for an hour to get them to know each other, so you have someone when needed, is a good idea, but you've already made it clear that you can't possibly do that at this short notice and that you generally have a pool of babysitters who unfortunately aren't available this week, which is fair enough.

I know lost both parents before I was 14 and grew up in care of whether it happens or not everywhere esle, doesn't mean I just ignore my children's behaviour or what they have been subject too. Ridiculous comment to be honest especially when large proportions of children's mental health is shot across the country